


The Most Unlikely of Companions

by yarnandtea



Category: Dragon Age
Genre: Dragon Age II - Freeform, F/M, Post-Game, Sebrill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-03
Updated: 2013-03-14
Packaged: 2017-11-23 11:50:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 62,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/621810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yarnandtea/pseuds/yarnandtea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last person Sebastian would have ever expected to go traveling with after the destruction of the Chantry was Merrill. Yet somehow the pair find themselves embarking on a journey together, both looking for the next direction their lives must take. It comes as rather a surprise to both of them when they find their new paths run together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have always enjoyed the in-game banter between Sebastian and Merrill and at some point started quietly shipping them and thinking "what if" thoughts. So, here is my take on how such a relationship would come about. 
> 
> Spoilers all over the place for the end of Dragon Age II. Also, please be warned that in some cases this may play it a little fast and loose with canon lore. I am trying to follow it, but I am far from an expert in all things Thedas. I hope this is enjoyable regardless!

Despair crept up around Sebastian like a fog. It wrapped him up like a blanket, one that provided doubt and regret and self-recrimination rather than warmth and comfort. He tried to shake off the feelings, knowing that he could ill afford them. Even here, near the foot of Sundermount, the effects of Anders' act of defiance could be seen. Sebastian had hoped that the mountain might provide a temporary safe haven while he waited for order to be restored to Kirkwall. At the very least, he had thought it would be a good place to stay low and avoid other people while he gathered his thoughts and tried to figure out what to do with himself.

Unfortunately, it seemed he had not been alone in thinking the mountain a good place to hide out.

Already he had come across three groups of bandits. Likely refugees from the city, two of them had attacked him on sight, thinking him easy pickings despite his armor. He had proved them wrong with simple efficiency. They would trouble no other travelers, may the Maker watch over their souls. The third group had been picking over what little remained of the Dalish camp that had once occupied the base of the mountain. Sebastian had managed to avoid them unseen, sneaking to the path that led up the mountain while they were distracted. While they had given him no trouble, their presence was a reminder to stay vigilant, and he knew it would behoove him to remember them when he descended once more.

His goal was a small clearing about halfway up the mountain. It was nestled in a bend of the path, and offered ample protection from the wind that was often troublesome at such high altitudes. He had stayed there on more than one occasion with Hawke and knew it would serve well for a few days' contemplation. Assuming he could reach it, of course. Also assuming that no one else had beaten him there. A small frown creased his mouth as he considered this possibility, but he did not stop moving. There was little else he could do at this point but keep moving forward. He might wish the Maker had provided him a less rocky path, or at least one more clearly laid out, but wishing would only get him so far.

Thoughts of Hawke turned his mind back to Kirkwall and he found himself wondering, not for the first time, how things would have turned out if he had stayed by the Champion's side. He quickly shook off that line of thought. Staying with Hawke would have also meant fighting by Anders' side, and such a thing was no longer conceivable. He winced as he recalled his parting words to her, his promise to return to Starkhaven and bring an army back to raze Kirkwall, just for vengeance on one man. As if either of those things would be simple matters, even if he could bring himself to fulfill such a misguided oath.

The promise had been nothing more than empty words, for all that he thought he meant them at the time. Ever impulsive was the youngest son of the Vael line. Quick to anger and rash decisions. At least this time it was not a promise he could foolishly follow through with immediately. He _had_ headed for the docks from Lowtown, thinking to leave on the first ship that would give him passage. But he hadn't gotten more than halfway there before he had become truly aware of the chaos surrounding him. Things would be worse near the center of the blast, he knew, and people would be hurt, confused, in need of aid. Sebastian had turned on the spot and made his way back to the ruins of the Chantry, hoping to help in any way he could.

He spent long hours helping to dig people out of rubble, seeing to the wounded, praying over the dead, and trying to keep the other helpers calm. Anders had timed his attack quite deliberately, and almost the entirety of the Chantry folk had been inside when it was destroyed. But there had been a few, like himself, out in the city on errands or tending to personal matters. Slowly, the handful of remaining sisters and laypeople started to trickle in, and Sebastian eagerly deferred when they took over the cleanup. If anyone had word of how things had transpired in the Gallows, no one bothered to tell him.

Eventually he had become aware of hushed whispers nearby and had turned to find three sisters darting glances at him as they spoke to one another. Noticing his attention, the one in the middle, he had recognized her as Sister Barrie, straightened and pushed away from the other two, striding over to him. Something in the set of her jaw put him on edge, but he kept his face smooth and bowed politely to her as she approached. A chill crept over his body when he stood and his eyes met hers.

"What are you doing here?"

Sebastian was taken aback by the question. He would have thought the answer obvious. He glanced around and noticed that others were stopping in their work to watch the pair of them. The two sisters behind Barrie looked away when he tried to catch their eyes. One's face held an expression of pity and the other...disgust? Sebastian turned back to face Barrie and answered her honestly.

"I am helping, Sister, in whatever ways I can."

"One would think that you could have helped a great deal _more_ by turning in that apostate years ago, before any of _this_ ," she gestured at the destruction that surrounded them, "had a chance to happen at all."

He felt as if he had been punched in the gut. That thought had occurred to him more than once already since the Chantry's destruction. It might even be true, but--

"I am not the only person who knew about Anders, Sister Barrie," Sebastian said quietly. "Both Meredith and Elthina were aware of him and chose to let him remain free, whatever their reasons."

"Hmph. Yet neither of them were constantly to be found in the _company_ of this apostate, were they? Or in this so-called Champion's company. I understand she is an apostate as well. Even if Meredith allowed her to walk free, you should have been keeping us abreast of her activities. It has even been brought to my attention that you were known to associate with a _third_ apostate, a blood mage and an elf," she spat. "Well, do you deny it, boy?"

"I do not," Sebastian said, struggling to keep his voice quiet. Barrie was making no such effort but he did not feel the need to mirror her dramatics. He'd had more than enough of those for one day already. "Although I will remind you that Elthina was well aware of the company I kept."

"Elthina had a soft spot for you and your blasphemous ways that I will _never_ understand."

_Blasphemous?_ Sebastian narrowed his eyes and took several deep breaths to calm himself. Who was this sister to condemn him for his actions? Elthina had understood, she had known the struggle he had faced to put his past behind him, only to have it all thrust back at him in the worst of possible ways. And now that she was gone--he bit back a sob and turned his head, pressing his eyes shut as he tried to compose himself. It took a few moments for him to realize that Sister Barrie was not finished speaking.

"In fact," she had continued, "Elthina was the only thing standing between you and Chantry censure. Now that she is gone, however, and _I_ am the ranking member of the Chantry in Kirkwall, I tell you I will have no more of you. You are to leave, Sebastian Vael. Immediately."

"Excuse me?" Sebastian whipped his head back around to face her, his jaw hanging open in shock.

"I do not believe I stuttered," Barrie said smugly. "You are no longer recognized as a Brother of the Chantry. Any vows you made have long been invalidated by your actions against Chantry law."

"You don't have the authority to do that!"

"You'll find I do. After learning of your associations, the Divine herself was inclined to take such action, but Elthina managed to talk her out of it. With everything that has happened today, and with no one left to defend you, she'll have no qualms at all with my decree."

"I've done nothing wrong!" Sebastian tried to protest, but Barrie's declaration had taken the last of the fight from him. He sagged under the weight of his own guilt, of years of worrying that his inaction would lead to trouble. It didn't matter if Barrie was only posturing. She right enough that after what had happened, the Divine was unlikely to be forgiving of the Brother who had let the guilty apostate go free for years.

"I don't know anyone who would agree with that sentiment," Barrie said, her voice ringing with satisfaction. "Now, I give you one opportunity to leave with your life, and that only because of the respect your family has always shown the Chantry. Leave Kirkwall now, lest I turn you over to what's left of the Templars for aiding and abetting apostates. I am sure you are aware of the fate you would face in their hands."

He was. Even without the added incentive of Anders' actions today, his royal blood would be the only thing between him and a swift execution. At best he could expect to be locked up for the rest of his life, and this was hardly the best of situations. He knew in his heart that his name would hold little weight with the remaining Templars of Kirkwall when it came to one of Hawke's companions. Not so soon after the destruction of the Chantry. Not with no one left to speak up on his behalf.

Barrie did not bother to wait for his response, instead turning her back on him entirely and beginning to bark out orders to the crowd. Feeling utterly defeated, Sebastian had gathered up his few belongings and silently slipped out, avoiding meeting the gaze of anyone as he left. He couldn't bear the thought of what he might see in their eyes. Had Elthina really been protecting him from punishment for associating with Hawke all this time? He truly hoped not, because if that was the case, she had been poorly paid in return. While he had certainly chafed under his vows many times since learning of his family's fate, he had never expected to have them released in such a manner.

He had briefly considered turning himself in to the Templars despite what they would do to him, or perhaps because of it. But though he was more dejected than he had ever been in his life, save only when he'd received the word of his family's slaughter, his desire to live was not yet gone. He was still a servant of the Maker, even if the Chantry had cast him out. The Maker had little use for those who cast their own lives away willingly, so he would find his purpose or die trying. 

Sebastian had once more headed for the docks, but again he had changed course before reaching them. The path was full of a steady stream of folks clearly intending to catch a ship to anywhere but Kirkwall, and he could see in the distance that only a handful of ships even remained. There would be no passage out of Kirkwall for him today. So instead he had headed for Sundermount, thinking to camp there for a few days until his thoughts had settled and transportation away might be more easily acquired.

A sound from somewhere nearby drew Sebastian back to the present. Instantly alert, he chastised himself for becoming so easily lost in thought. He knew better than to do something so foolhardy in such a dangerous location. Stealthily he crept forward, making his way to an outcropping of rock. The sound became clearer, resolving into harsh laughter. Sebastian frowned. This didn't sound promising. Carefully he peeked around the rock.

Two men and a woman were formed up around a figure on the ground. It looked like a body to Sebastian, though he could make out little more than that. The woman kicked the body and giggled, the sound grating to Sebastian's ears. One of the men bent down and began rifling through a pack next to the body. Looters, then, he realized. Possibly murderers as well. He risked peering even further around the rock and then pulled back with a silent curse. The path was narrow where they were. He would have no way to sneak by them unseen. Worse, as he looked around his hiding spot, he realized he was very close to his intended campsite. He would have to find some way to get rid of them for good.

Sebastian knew he could dispatch of the three easily enough. But he did not relish the idea of killing them in cold blood, no matter how corrupt they appeared. He was not sunk so low as yet to kill in anything other than self-defense or the defense of others. No matter what he had said to Hawke. He leaned against the rock and considered possible ways he might lure the looters back down the mountain, away from him and his campsite. Several came to mind and were immediately discarded. He was on the verge of deciding to make his way back down the mountain and hoping he could sneak by the last group of bandits unseen again when one of the men yelped.

"Andraste's ass! She bit me!"

"Oy, looks like this one's still got some fight in her, Bess."

"I thought you knocked her out. Can't you lot do anything right? Cut her throat then, that'll make sure she doesn't wake up again."

Sebastian's eyes widened as he took in this conversation. Not a body after all. Not yet. He did not even stop to think, he drew his bow and had an arrow nocked even as he stood and stepped around the rock. As the arrow was loosed, another was fitted in its place, then let fly while the first was finding its home in the throat of the man leaning over the struggling figure on the ground, knife in hand. He tumbled backwards and landed staring up at the sky with sightless eyes. His companion looked down at him and then turned to face Sebastian just in time to be struck down by the second arrow. The woman, Bess, threw her hands in the air and Sebastian hesitated for half a heartbeat. But she had been the one to advocate killing their victim for mere convenience. If he let her go, she would only kill someone else another day for the simple crime of having something she wanted. So he fired.

"Maker forgive me," Sebastian whispered as Bess fell, joining her partners in death.

The figure on the ground stirred and Sebastian paused only to make sure her assailants truly were dead before moving to help her up. She looked around, wide green eyes blinking dazedly, short black braids in disarray. Sebastian stared in shock as he recognized her.

"Merrill!?!"

"Sebastian?" She smiled, but it was a tentative thing, and lopsided because of a split lip. "Oh, hello? Fancy running into you here. Did the others go? They seemed quite cross."

"Merrill! They were trying to rob you! They were going to _kill_ you!" Without thinking about what he was doing, he instinctually began checking her over for major wounds.

"Yes. Quite cross, indeed."

Sebastian could only shake his head in disbelief. He finished checking her over and was relieved to find she seemed to have suffered only a few minor injuries from her attack. There was a lump on her head that would bear keeping an eye on and...

_What am I thinking? She is a_ blood mage _! One of the very same apostates I was just thrown out of the Chantry for refusing to turn in. Not only do I go and save her life, but now I am checking her wounds and planning how to_ care _for them?_

"Sebastian, are _you_ alright?"

Merrill was watching him with concern in her eyes. He realized that he was staring at her, and had a hand clamped around the knife at his belt. He gave himself a shake and looked away. For a moment he had contemplated killing her himself. Sebastian felt a swell of disgust rise up within him. Was he no better than the people he had just killed? Blood mage or not, she was still _Merrill_ , and he wondered if he would ever be able to forgive himself for the fleeting impulse to end her life.

"Forgive me, Merrill," he said tiredly, hoping she understood the depth of that plea without ever knowing how necessary it was. "It has been a trying day. We should be moving. I fear it will not be safe to linger here."

"Oh, okay then."

Merrill, sweet, kind, _trusting_ Merrill, bent down gingerly to scoop up her dropped pack and then looked at him eagerly, clearly expecting him to lead the way. Sebastian could not meet her eyes. Hating himself just a little bit more, he turned and resumed his trek up the mountain.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After getting over the surprise of running into each other, a shaky trust is established. Now Merrill and Sebastian must decide what they do next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From Merrill's POV, this time. I very much hope I have gotten Merrill’s voice down for this chapter. I realized pretty quickly that we will need to be switching back and forth between their perspectives as the story goes along.

To say that Merrill had been surprised to find Sebastian Vael, of all people, coming to her aid on the mountain would be an understatement at the very least. Still, as surprises went, it was a mostly pleasant one, so she shrugged it off and went about the more important business of finding somewhere safe to stop for the night. It seemed Sebastian had been making his way to the same clearing that she had been heading for when she had been attacked, so that was lucky. It was empty when they arrived and they went about setting up camp in silence.

"We'll have to take turns at watch," Sebastian said as he paced around the perimeter of the site. "There are more people about the mountain than I expected. You can sleep first," he glanced over at her with a small frown, "after I've tended your wounds."

"That will work, I suppose," Merrill answered him, rummaging in her pack for a small tin and a few other things. She held up a small wheel of cheese and some bread. "Though I think we will both be happier in the morning if we eat a bit before calling it a night, don't you?" She looked back down, pulling out two small carved wooden cups and setting them next to the tin. Flippantly, she added, "And I will expect you to promise not to try to kill me while I'm sleeping, Sebastian." Out of the corner of her eye she saw him freeze in place. She looked up and offered him a small smile. Did he think she had not noticed?

"Merrill, I..." anguish crossed his face and he looked away. Merrill frowned. She knew he had reason enough to be sad but she did not like to see him so. His company was much more pleasant when he was cheerful. Although, she supposed that was true enough of most people. Still.

"It's alright, Sebastian," she said, moving to the fire pit and getting a small blaze going. It might attract attention, but she knew that the two of them would be safe enough if they stayed on the alert, and she wanted nothing more in that moment than a cup of tea. He was right, after all, it _had_ been a trying day. A sad day, and a hard one. Tea was just the thing. She looked up to find Sebastian still staring at her. "You stopped yourself, after all, and I suppose I cannot blame you, after what happened with Anders, and Hawke. Not for at least considering it. But if you promise you will not try it, then I will believe you. You always keep your promises." She hoped he would promise. She did not want to have to hurt him if he did try to kill her. She had always rather liked Sebastian, even if she found him a bit puzzling at times.

A strange look crossed his face and he stared at her for a few more moments. Then he sighed and shook his head, moving to sit next to her in front of the small fire. He gazed into the flames for a few long moments, holding his hands out as if to warm them. She noticed that they were scraped and bruised, as if he had been laboring recently. The wear seemed out of place on those hands, usually reserved for praying or for firing his bow.

"I don't know that you're right about that, Merrill," he said softly. "I fear that I have promised many things recently that I did not mean. But for what it's worth, you do have my word. I will do nothing to harm you so long as you do not try to harm me."

"Well. That's settled then," she smiled at him. He just sighed again and shook his head. He did that a lot around her, she had noticed. "I'll put the tea on and you can help me get cleaned up."

"I don't understand, Merrill," Sebastian said after he had helped to bandage a scrape on her shoulder blade. "Why weren't you defending yourself? I've seen you take on more foes than that at once, easily."

"I defended myself!" She exclaimed. "I bit that one fellow!" She made a face at the memory. "He tasted horrid, too."

"But you were already on the ground by then," Sebastian persisted, "and they thought you were unconscious. _I_ thought you were dead when I came across them."

"Oh, well. They rather surprised me," she admitted in a small voice. "I was really quite tired by the time I got to the wreckage of the camp and, well, when I noticed the looters, I tried to sneak around them rather than fight, because I really didn't have the energy to take on so many at once. I was so busy making sure that I wasn't followed, and--"

"You stumbled right into those other three," Sebastian finished.

"Yes, exactly. Although I only saw two of them, and the next thing I knew I was on the ground and someone was kicking me. I bit the first thing I could reach. Then you were there." She frowned for a moment. "Why were you there, Sebastian? I thought you'd be well on your way to Starkhaven by now."

At the question, Sebastian's shoulders slumped and what little energy he seemed to have left dissolved. Merrill observed this with a sad curiosity. To her eyes he seemed dimmed somehow, nothing like his usual bright self. Even his armor had lost its normal shine. Now that she looked more closely, she could see that it was dulled and dented, coated with dust from more than just a day's travel. The enamel was chipped in several places. The good humor that almost always seemed to sparkle in his eyes was entirely gone, replaced with a seriousness that she was not quite sure suited him.

"I...I didn't even make it to the docks," he admitted slowly. It sounded as if he had to force the words out. "The explosion at the Chantry stirred up more than just the mages and Templars," he went on. "All of Kirkwall was in chaos."

"Oh yes," Merrill commented, nodding her head encouragingly. "I do know what you mean. We had quite a time making it to the Gallows." Sebastian inhaled sharply but when he didn't say anything Merrill went on. "And then after, well, I'm not even sure how I managed to make it to my house and back out again. Even the Alienage was in an uproar."

"Yes, well." He said after a moment. She thought he looked like he wanted to ask her something but he closed his eyes for a moment and then went on with his story. "I realized that even if I could find a ship willing to leave immediately, I would be leaving behind people in need of help. Kirkwall has been my home for many years. I could not just abandon these people to their fate."

"Of course you couldn't," Merrill agreed. It was a wholly Sebastian thought for him to have.

"I made my way back to the Chantry, or what was left of it at any rate." He shrugged. "I helped where I could, clearing rubble, tending to wounds, until things quieted down and the sisters who had escaped the explosion made their way back. The one in charge, Sister Barrie--"

"Ooh, I know her," Merrill interrupted. "With the pointy little nose and the straggly straw-colored hair?" Sebastian barked out a laugh, but there was no mirth in it. He nodded. "Hawke showed her to me once," Merrill went on, speeding up a bit when she noticed Sebastian's wince. She shouldn't have brought up Hawke. He was likely still quite cross with her, come to think of it. "Sister Barrie was one of Sister Petrice's followers, wasn't she?" Merrill finished in a rush.

"Ah. I didn't know that." Sebastian looked down at his hands, his expression thoughtful. "It would explain a few things, I suppose."

"Oh? Such as?"

"Such as why she doesn't like me very much," Sebastian smiled humorlessly, "and why she threw me out as soon as she realized she was in charge now."

"Threw you out? Of where? I thought you were outside? She's not a very large woman, if I recall, Sebastian. I can't imagine her throwing you _anywhere_."

"Out of the Chantry, Merrill," Sebastian sighed. "She expelled me from the organization."

"What? Why would she do that? _Can_ she even do that?"

"It would seem that she can," he said softly, his hands clenching into fists on his knees. "None of the other sisters raised any objection, and there is some precedent, I fear. According to her, Elthina was the only reason it had not already happened." He looked away from her.

"But _why_?" Merrill asked again. "You are a good Brother! You were always kind and welcoming, and willing to explain Andraste and the Chant to anyone who asked. You always helped those you saw in need. I thought that's what being part of the Chantry was about!"

"So did I," he answered, blinking at her in surprise. "Unfortunately, they took exception to the part where I overlooked a few of the Chantry's more stringent laws, especially considering that my doing so almost certainly allowed today's disaster to happen." He looked away again. Merrill stared at him for a long moment before comprehension overwhelmed her.

"They threw you out because you never turned in Anders! Or Hawke...or...or me." He nodded once, sharply. "Oh Sebastian, I am _so_ sorry! No wonder you almost..." She trailed off, her fingers reaching out to brush the hilt of his knife almost of their own volition.

"You've nothing to be sorry for, Merrill," he said, turning to face her once more. "Not in this, at least. After all, it's not your fault that you're a mage. The Maker made you as such, and he must have had his reasons." Merrill shook her head. _That_ was a conversation they had had before, and she had no desire to have it again. He didn't notice though and kept speaking. "As much as I might have waffled over it, not turning any of you in was _my_ decision. It is only fitting that I pay for it."

"Why didn't you?"

"Turn you in?" She nodded, and he tilted his head, seeming to think over his answer. "I'm honestly still not sure," he said at last. "Hawke was clearly doing good things for the people of Kirkwall, and I owed her a debt, so I held my tongue. Then, she was the Champion and it seemed that Meredith was content to leave her be." He seemed to be speaking more to himself than to her, but she was curious, and it was nice not to be the one rambling for a change, so she let him go on. "Anders was doing good work with his clinic, and both of you were helping Hawke..."

"Are you going to turn me in now, then?"

He jumped at the question.

"What? No? Why would you ask that, Merrill?"

"Well, it seems to me that maybe you were deferring to Hawke's trust in us, which I suppose I can understand. But clearly you've lost your trust in her, which would extend to me as well, I assume, since I stayed behind to help her..."

"Merrill," he heaved a sigh. "I promised I would not harm you, and I mean to keep that promise. I cannot imagine you would go willingly to the Circle if I did get it in my head to try to take you there, which would mean I would have to fight you. So that won't be happening."

"Maybe they would let you back in to the Chantry though."

"It doesn't exactly work like that," he said, offering her a wry grin. "Besides, Merrill, you are Dalish, after all. It seems...wrong, somehow, to try to make you bend to Chantry laws, especially as you are not in Kirkwall anymore."

"Oh." That surprised her. She didn't think he would have said anything like that even a few days ago. He must be quite shaken indeed.

"I can't imagine seeing _you_ locked up in a Circle, either, to be honest," he added, so quietly she almost didn't hear it.

Well. He certainly was full of surprises today, wasn't he?

They didn't speak for a while after that, eating their meager meal in silence. Sebastian seemed grateful for it. He had not had any sort of chance to stop for supplies at all, she realized.

"So what will you do now, then?" Merrill asked eventually. "Will you still go to Starkhaven and retake your throne?" She had a hard time picturing it, she did not think it was a path that would make him happy.

"I will go to Starkhaven," he nodded, staring into the fire. "But as for taking the throne...I do not know. It will be difficult enough, without any support, and I have been able to garner very little in the years since my family was killed."

"I thought that Harimann woman said she would help you?"

"She did, aye," he agreed, "but I do not know how well my people would take it if my only support was from the daughter of the woman who ordered my family slaughtered in the first place. No, I will go to Starkhaven, and I will see how it fares. I will only make a bid for the throne if it will best serve the interests of the people."

"And if it doesn't?"

"That is a bridge I cannot cross until I reach it, Merill." He sighed and watched the flames for a while longer. Then, very quietly, he asked the question that had clearly been weighing on him for some time. "Why is it that you are not with Hawke?"

"Oh, well." Merrill sat up a little straighter, drawing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. "After Meredith was killed--"

"Meredith is dead, then?" Sebastian interrupted. Merrill nodded.

"Oh yes. She went a little mad in the end, I fear. That idol that Hawke and Varric found in the Deep Roads, you see, she was the one who bought it off of Bartrand. Hawke said it must have been feeding her paranoia for _years_. Well, none of it was pretty. But afterwards, Hawke realized that she and Anders needed to leave Kirkwall and Anders said he wouldn't travel with _me_ ," Sebastian's eyes narrowed at that and Merrill only just managed to bite back a smile. He had often taken a protective stance toward her around Anders, and she didn't even think he realized it. "Then Fenris chimed in, that he wouldn't, either, and that one mage more than Hawke was bad enough--"

"Wait, Fenris?" Sebastian sat up a little straighter. "I thought he left Hawke's company to fight with the Templars?"

"He did, but then he came back over to our side at the Gallows," Merrill explained. She sighed and started over, telling him about everything that had happened since Hawke refused to kill Anders and he had left them.

" _Orsino_ resorted to blood magic?"

"Oh yes. It was very disturbing," Merrill said. "He did not understand how to work with demons _at all_." Sebastian had given her a strange look at that but hadn't said anything, so she had continued. "Anyway, after it was all done, we knew we had to get out of there before the rest of the Templars rallied themselves. Aveline and Varric refused to leave the city, of course, and they volunteered to buy us some time to escape. Isabela offered to take us all away on her ship, but neither Anders nor Fenris wanted me to come with them."

"I am surprised Hawke didn't overrule them," Sebastian commented, "or Isabela."

"Oh, they tried to," Merrill admitted, "but I didn't see the sense in it. I didn't particularly relish the thought of being stuck on a ship with _them_ for who knows how long, either, you know."

"I suppose not," he said dryly.

"Right. So, I made my way back to the Alienage and got what I could from my house, and then I headed here. I thought I would see if there was anything left I could salvage from the remains of my clan's camp, but there were looters, so I thought I would come back later, and then, well, you know the rest of it now."

"Do you really think there will be anything left after all of this time?" Sebastian sounded honestly curious.

"Maybe," she admitted. "We had caches of supplies hidden all around the area, in case of attack. Some of them might have gone untouched."

"But what then?"

"Well, I saw on one of Varric's maps that there's a forest not so very far away from here," she said.

"The Planasene?"

"Yes," she nodded, "I think that's what the shemlen call it. Marethari had always said that's where we would head once our business here was done." She frowned. "I wish she _had_ moved on after Hawke took the amulet to Asha'bellanar." A sigh, and then she continued. "I thought I might head there and see if there are any Dalish about. Not everyone was here that day, when--well. If there were any survivors, that's where they might have gone."

"Would they--would they have anything to do with you?" He asked it so cautiously.

"I don't know." She answered. "But I won't, will I? Not unless I try to find them."

"The forest is huge, Merrill, will you really be able to find them if they're there?"

"There are always signs of my people, if you know what to look for," she replied with a smile.

"Well I hope you can find them, then," he said sadly. "It's late," he added after a moment, "you should try to get some sleep. I'll wake you when it's your turn to take watch."

"Thank you, Sebastian."

He nodded and moved to take up a better position to serve as lookout while she curled up by the fire, using her pack as a pillow. She did not think she would get much sleep after all that had happened that day, but she was out as soon as she closed her eyes. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian's still not really sure what lies in store for him, but he has come to one decision. If they're moving in the same direction, Sebastian reasons, he and Merrill may as well travel together for a time.

The night had thankfully passed without incident. Sebastian had intended to take the bulk of the watch, if not stay up all night outright. His head had still been in such chaos from the events of the day, not to mention that he had been feeling so guilty over actually thinking about killing Merrill. He felt he needed the time to think. Besides, Merrill was in much worse shape than he was, physically, after being attacked. She might be able to heal herself a little bit, but it wasn't exactly her area of expertise and she would need to rest up before even attempting to do that much.

Apparently anyone further up the mountain had settled in for the night, and the looters below had either moved on or camped out in the remains of the Dalish camp. Either way, no one bothered them and Sebastian was free to think about what might come next as he took his turn at watch. Until Merrill had asked him, he had not really admitted to himself that he didn't have the support he needed to just march into Starkhaven and make a claim on the throne. How many years had it been? How many trips through the Marches and visits with old friends and allies? Yet he still had no one more than Flora Harimann behind him. A part of him still felt obligated to at least find out if he was _needed_ in his old home. He knew his conscience would never let him rest if he did not at least see how things stood. Goran had always struck Sebastian as simple, as he had told Hawke, and clearly Lady Harimann had felt him a good choice for manipulation. If that was really the case, then someone else might have taken advantage of her death to assume their own control of Starkhaven with Goran as a puppet. Yes, he had to at least find out how the city fared.

That just left him the challenge of making it to Starkhaven and getting into the city alive and unseen. He had little in the way of coin or supplies, having left Kirkwall with only what he had been carrying at the time the Chantry had been destroyed. beyond that, he was under no illusions that Goran or whoever really was in charge would welcome him with open arms. Not unless there was a dagger hidden up a sleeve, ready to dispose of the suddenly and inconveniently returned "true" heir. He hadn't really gotten further in his thoughts than that when Merrill stirred and sat up, looking around. She reached out a hand to the fire, almost completely out by then, and it sparked up to life once more. She added a few sticks from their pile of kindling and then stretched and walked over to him.

"You should have woken me," she chided him with a small smile.

"You need the rest more than I do."

"Oh, I don't know about that. Go on now, to bed with you. The night's more than half gone now, Sebastian. I'll take the rest of the watch."

"That isn't necessary."

She didn't even bother to answer that. She just crossed her arms in front of her chest and tilted her head to one side, watching him. Her large green eyes reflected the firelight, and though her expression was entirely pleasant, he could see that she did not mean to take no for an answer. So he sighed and slid off the rock he had been sitting upon and made his way over to the fire. He almost left his armor on, but he knew he'd sleep better without it, and since sleep was likely to be in short supply, he decided to make the effort. Once the plates were neatly stacked up, he lay down, using one of the pouches on his belt as a pillow, his bow close to hand. Just in case.

The faintest creep of light woke him the next morning. Dawn had not fully arrived yet, so he urged Merrill to get another hour of sleep and he sat nearby, attempting to give his armor a rough cleaning before donning it. Sleep had cleared his head somewhat, and though his future was still far from certain, he at least had something of a plan for the next little while. As Merrill slept, he filled his water skin and hers from the small rill of fresh water that ran along a crevice in the rock face. It was one of the things that made this spot such a desirable campground. He also found the things Merrill had used to make tea the night before and prepared a pot. It was just about ready when she stirred once more.

"Oh, you made tea? Thank you Sebastian!" She washed her hands and face and hands before accepting a cup. They made a small meal of some of the cheese and bread Merrill had brought with her and enjoyed something of a companionable silence for a while.

"When will you leave for the Planasene, Merrill?" Sebastian asked her after a little while.

"Oh, in a little bit, I suppose," she mused. She cradled her cup in her hands, enjoying the warmth of it against the cool morning. "I'll make my way down to the camp and see if I can look for those caches." She tilted her head and looked at him. "I could use your help, with that, actually. If you don't mind? In case those bandits are still about."

Sebastian nodded and stared at his tea. Her answer was what he had expected. He took a few small slow breaths and then looked up at her to answer.

"I do not mind at all, Merrill. In fact," he paused for a moment and then urged himself to go on. "I was wondering if you might mind company in the forest."

"Oh?" Merrill's surprise was evident but she did not say anything else. Sebastian nodded again.

"I've very little coin on me as it is," he explained, "and passage from Kirkwall is likely to be dearly priced for some time to come. I will likely have to wait up here several days before it's even safe enough to try to go back into the city, and as we both saw yesterday, Sundermount is not much safer at the moment. Going through the forest means I won't have to worryas much about supplies, and Cumberland is on the other side. From there I should be able to make my way to Starkhaven easily enough, even with my meager resources."

"You are welcome to travel with me Sebastian," she said after a moment. "Of course you are. But I warn you I will not be moving quickly, since I will be looking for my people. Even waiting, it might be faster for you to take a ship."

"I am in no real hurry, Merrill," he told her with a small smile. "Even with our own...talents, we would be safer in the forest together, I think." She nodded at that. "Although if you think that traveling with me will endanger your chances of acceptance back with your people..." He trailed off with a frown. That part had only just occurred to him. Merrill didn't seem concerned, however, waving a hand and making a dismissive noise.

"If we run into the remains of my clan, Sebastian, traveling with a shem is hardly going to make them think any less of me than they already likely do. They'll accept me back or they won't." She smiled at him, that friendly open smile that made her so dangerous, Sebastian knew, because it made it easy to overlook the dark things she was capable of. Still, it warmed him. He was not in a position to turn down friendly gestures. "I would be glad of your company, Sebastian," she added, and it was settled.

Once their breakfast was finished, they packed up their few belongings and covered up the fire pit before heading cautiously down the mountain. Sebastian was just starting to think the Maker might be favoring them with a clear path when they reached the ruins of the Dalish camp. Had they not expected to find the bandits, they likely would have been caught unawares. As it was, they managed to sneak behind an overturned aravel without being noticed as they emerged from the path up Sundermount.

They watched for a long while to be sure they had seen the entire party. From what Sebastian could determine, there were half a dozen of them, two wandering around the camp and kicking at discarded items, the rest circled around a fire. Merrill spat out a quiet curse when she noticed that fire was made from pieces of another aravel.

"Have they no _respect_?" She whispered fiercely. Sebastian gave her a rueful smile and squeezed her forearm gently. She sucked in a breath and looked around once more. "I can put them to sleep," she told Sebastian, "though with that many, and spread out like they are, I don't know that they'll be out for very long."

"Do you know where the caches were?" She nodded and he continued. "Very well. Put them to sleep and I will keep watch against them waking or if more come, and you can check each cache. It will probably quicker that way."

He did not like the idea of her using magic, but he could see no other way for the two of them to stock up their supplies before setting out, or to get past them all without killing them. Besides, he admitted to himself, at this point he would be a fool not to use the resources available to him, and right now that included Merrill's magic.

Merrill nodded once more, signaling her agreement. Then she watched the bandits for a few moments longer, and Sebastian could see she was waiting for something. When the two pacing around the campground reached the edge of their perimeter and turned back, both moving in closer to the men around the fire, Merrill made her move. She silently stepped out around the aravel and raised her staff. The two men standing had only just noticed Merrill when she made a gesture. Sebastian felt the air around him tighten and knew that Merrill had reached into the Fade. Before those around the fire could notice their comrades' alarm, all six of them slumped over, apparently deep in sleep.

Neither Sebastian nor Merrill wasted any time. She ran to the edge of the campground and Sebastian moved to the middle, where he could easily keep all of the bandits in his sight while also keeping lookout in case they were not alone. He held his bow ready to be drawn, an arrow in hand. From the corners of his vision he could see Merrill moving around the area, setting aside apparent piles of leaves and vegetation that seemed to actually be attached to wooden frameworks, concealing niches throughout the camp. He admired her efficiency as she checked each cache, at the same time being impressed by their numbers. Marethari _must_ have expected they would be here for a long while, to have made such preparations. The bandits remained unconscious for her search, but they were just beginning to stir as she approached him with several bundles in her arms.

"I took everything I thought might be of use," she whispered. He did not bother asking her what she had found. Their time was running short.

"Then let us be on our way," he whispered back.

Together they turned, taking the path out of the camp that would most quickly lead them to the west and the forest. Sebastian kept his bow ready as they left the foothills, just in case more bandits were about. He did not relax until they had gone for almost an hour without seeing anyone else. Then he motioned to Merrill that they should take a rest and they found shelter behind a small hill. Merrill set down her bundles and began spreading them out for Sebastian to see.

"It's not much," she drawled, looking it over.

"It is more than we had this morning," Sebastian told her with a smile. "Besides, we will be traveling on foot, and we cannot carry much at any rate."

She had managed to retrieve a light cloak for each of them, a small tent, two quivers of arrows, a pair of daggers, and a small pile of food. Sebastian expressed surprise at the last bit and Merrill offered him a small smile.

"It will mostly be traveling rations. Cheese, some cured meat, bread that's been prepared to last. All things that would not go bad soon, and preserved with magic to keep it fresh until removed from the cache."

"I did not know such a thing was possible," Sebastian said in wonder as he extended a hand to the pile. She had even grabbed a few extra water skins, he noticed. They were empty now, but could be filled soon enough. There were several streams and one sizeable lake in the forest, if he recalled correctly.

"Not all magic is evil, Sebastian," Merrill said, a small sparkle in her eye. "Much of it can serve very practical purposes."

"Do you know this spell?" He asked, trying to ignore the barb, for as kindly as it had been delivered, a barb it was. Still, if they could keep their food fresh for longer than was usual.... "It would be quite handy, I admit."

"Sadly, no." Merrill sighed. "That was never an area of magic where I excelled." A small frown flashed across her face but was quickly gone again. She reached for one last bundle, unnoticed by Sebastian until now. "I also took these," she held it out to him shyly, and he accepted it with some curiosity. "I do not know if they will fit, but..."

Sebastian looked down, confused for a moment. The bundle was made up of two thick blankets and he was unsure what she meant. But when he unfolded them he saw that inside were a few sets of clothing. His eyebrows rose as he fingered the soft cloth of one of the shirts. She was right, they were unlikely to fit. Sebastian was a great deal taller than most elves, after all, and a bit broader in the shoulder than any he had encountered. Even Fenris, for all of his strength, remained lean of body.

"You didn't have a chance to go back for any of your things," Merrill said softly.

"Ah, well," he flashed her a grin of thanks. "The Chantry taught me to make do without, as it happens." He winked at her. " _It_ also can be useful, you know." He looked back down at the clothes and shrugged. "If they do not fit, then I will make do with the clothes on my back. But I do appreciate the thought Merrill, thank you."

She nodded and hummed a little in response. They rested for a few moments longer and then set about organizing what Merrill had retrieved, dividing it up between themselves to carry. Merrill had had the foresight to stuff the tent into an extra pack, and Sebastian took that, adding the rest of his share of the supplies to it. Once that was taken care of, they resumed their trek to the forest. Sundermount had already been halfway there from Kirkwall, so by the end of the first day they had reached its edge. They made camp for the night just outside of it, taking turns at watch so each of them could get a little sleep in the tent.

They spent two weeks wandering through the forest. Merrill led them on a winding path but one that moved ever westward. Though he knew that traveling straight through and with no purpose other than to get to the other side, they could have made it in half the time, Sebastian did not feel at all upset about the slow pace. For one thing, he knew they also could have easily taken twice as _long_ , if not longer, as Merrill searched the forest for signs of her people.

The deeper they went into the Planasene, the clearer it became to Sebastian that whatever it was Merrill sought, she was not finding it. She put on a chipper face and pretended not to be worried by the distinct lack of signs of the Dalish, but Sebastian could see the slump to her shoulders and the sadness that grew in her eyes as the hope faded. Eventually, however, even Merrill could not pretend that there was anything to be found.

"I don't even see anything in these blighted woods that would appeal to halla," she said in frustration as they made camp one evening.

"Were you hoping to find halla here?" Sebastian asked it cautiously, but he could not keep the curiosity out of his voice. "I've never heard of any sightings in the Free Marches that did not also involve Dalish."

"Yes well, it's no surprise, is it?" She frowned and picked up a stick, poking at their fire, though it did not need stoking. "These are the wrong sorts of trees, with the wrong sorts of fruit. Nothing that would call to them. Nothing they'd eat unless it was given to them by one of the people." She sighed and shook her head. Sebastian gently took the stick away and handed her a bowl of stew instead. "Oh." She looked down at her dinner in surprise. "Thank you Sebastian."

They ate in silence for some time, and Sebastian watched Merrill carefully. She was clearly lost in thought and had dropped the forced cheerfulness of the past few days. He hadn't seen her look so dejected since Marethari had--well. That didn't really bear thinking about. Merrill had avoided him for a long time after that. She hadn't taken very well to his suggestion that she turn to the Maker for guidance and repentance. Looking back, he could see how arrogant that must have seemed to her, even though he had meant well enough. It had been all he had to offer her at the time.

"Hmph," Merrill said as she finished up her meal. "Master Ilen used to pour over his map of this region and tell anyone who would listen that there _must_ be halla here. 'It may not be the Brecilian,' he would say, 'but surely any forest so big would be appealing to them.'" Merrill snorted. "Even he should have known it takes more than a lot of trees to be a good home for halla."

"Maybe they just found these woods too busy for their tastes," Sebastian said lightly. He meant it as a joke, but Merrill looked up, thoughtful, and nodded after a moment.

"You may be right about that. Although I would guess the forest is busier than usual because of recent events."

They'd come across several groups of travelers in the woods as they made their way through them. Likely many of them were fleeing Kirkwall like they were, but there was a higher than usual number of bandits and thieves around as well, preying on those unfamiliar with forest travel. Sebastian and Merrill had so far managed to avoid most of the other people, but they had warned a few groups away from ambushes when they could, and directed others back to the main path when it was clear they were lost. There had even been elves, but none of them had been Dalish, and Merrill hadn't wanted to speak with any of them. Thank the Maker they'd managed to avoid any outright fights. Sebastian had killed enough recently. He would gladly go the rest of his life without ever doing so again, though he feared he would not be so lucky.

For his part, Sebastian was rather enjoying the trek through the Planasene. There were worse people to travel with than Merrill, especially through the forest, and he rather enjoyed walking among the trees. He always had loved spending his days in the woods near Starkhaven as a child. Whether it had been hunting or riding, or sneaking away for liaisons as he got older, he found the beauty of nature acted as a balm on his soul. Outside of the Chantry, he reflected, it was where one could feel closest to the Maker. Perhaps, even closer so than within the walls built by man. Not that he would ever have said as much to any of the sisters or mothers. Still, now that he stopped to think about it, he could not help but wonder why so often the Chantries were only to be found within cities, set aside from nature and all of the abundant evidence of the Maker's glory.

"Is it possible that your people would have stayed here anyway, after not finding any halla?" Sebastian ventured to ask.

"I don't really know," Merrill admitted. "I've seen no signs of the people yet. But we still have a way to go."

"That we do," Sebastian agreed. He was glad to see that the smile she gave in answer was genuine, reaching even her eyes.

As they traveled, Sebastian asked Merrill to tell him about the Dalish. Until meeting her clan, he had never encountered any outside of stories. Merrill, with all of that training to become Keeper under her belt, was eager to oblige. She told him of their gods, seeming encouraged when he simply listened and did not interject with any anecdotes about Andraste or the Maker. She told him of what she knew about Arlathan, and of her people's history since its fall. Then she moved on to her own childhood and the day to day lives of the Dalish. Sebastian found it all fascinating.

"I wonder how the Dalish and the Chantry can both believe such wholly different things about how the world works," he mused out loud one day. "Clearly they can't both be right. Yet your Creators have never struck down Andraste's followers for their blasphemy, nor the Maker your people."

"I don't know that it matters, in truth," Merrill surprised him by saying.

"What do you mean?" Sebastian stopped walking and turned to her, his brow creasing with the question.

"Well..." Merrill pursed her lips and tapped one finger to them, which Sebastian knew meant she was trying to put her thoughts in order. "It is a very big world, after all, Sebastian," she said slowly. "Can there not be room in it for what we all believe? After all, the Qunari and the dwarves have their own beliefs as well."

"That is so," Sebastian shifted, readjusting his quiver.

"After all," Merrill continued when he said nothing else, "you believe in the Maker and Andraste because you grew up being told they were the truth. I believe in my gods for the same reason. Maybe all of our gods are real and they are willing to let each other's followers be. Or, as you once suggested, they _are_ all the same divine force, and we've merely adjusted our tales of them to fit how we see them."

Sebastian just stared at her in surprise. She didn't really believe that. She _couldn't_. But.... She gave him a small smile, her eyes twinkling for the first time since they'd entered the forest, and turned on her heel, beginning to walk once more. Was she teasing him? Maker, he thought she might be. Yet a part of him was intrigued by what she had said. It would bear further consideration. He blinked and then realized how far ahead of him she had gotten while he pondered her words. Hurrying to catch up, he allowed himself a small smile. At the very least, it seemed that Merrill's spirits were on the rise again. _That_ was worth any amount of teasing, in his opinion.

But Merrill's improved mood only lasted until they came to the end of the forest. As the trees began to thin out, so did her levity. Once more the shoulders sagged, and her smile seemed to disappear entirely. Sebastian tried to cheer her up as best he could, telling her the stories he had always loved in his youth, trying to draw her into conversation, picking her wild flowers when they came across a patch. But she could not seem to shake the sadness, no matter how graciously she accepted his attempts. Their last night in the forest, they stopped early in the day and made camp, delaying the inevitable.

As they emerged from the forest the next morning, the twinned towers of Cumberland's Chantry and Circle clearly visible over the rise of the next hill, Merrill seemed to just crumple. She started to fall and Sebastian barely caught her before she hit the ground. She buried her face in his unarmored shoulder and he could feel her body shake with sobs as he patted her back, unsure of what to say.

"I really thought...I hoped that...there had to be _someone_ for me to find. Some sign of where to go next. For so long I worked to restore the mirror, and then, when I failed, there was still Hawke. But now I, I..." She heaved a great gasping breath and pushed away, rising from her knees and angrily brushing the tears from her face. Sebastian stood as well and she turned away, refusing to look at him. "The clans won't all meet again for years yet. Until then I have no way to find any of them. I don't know what I do now."

The last was said in barely a whisper. Sebastian took a step forward and curled a finger under her chin, gently turning her face so that he could look into her eyes. With his free hand he wiped away a tear. Something inside of him clenched fiercely at the sight of her feeling so lost. He recognized something of his own despair in her eyes, and he did not like seeing it there one bit. He smiled at her though, his next words coming as easily as the breath that carried them.

"Now, Merrill, _you_ come with _me_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise there isn't going to be a lot of Seb and Merrill debating their beliefs. But they do both strongly believe in two very different systems and it seems a disservice to them to ignore it completely.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Off to Starkhaven! Alternate chapter title: Merrill discovers it is fun to troll Sebastian.

Sebastian had left Merrill outside of the city while he procured supplies for the next leg of their journey. He had wanted her to come too, but Merrill did not feel up to it. After so long in the forest with just Sebastian as company, after the heartbreak of realizing that she really was exiled from her people now, she just could not face the idea of another place like Kirkwall. Cold stone and cold people and no room to breathe.

No, she would set up camp outside the city, she told him, in one of the small clusters of trees that still dotted the land between the edge of the Planasene and Cumberland, and wait for him there. She did not say it out loud, but she suspected he would have an easier time in the city without a Dalish elf at his side. Sebastian, of course, had not liked the idea. Now that they had decided she would accompany him to Starkhaven, he seemed hesitant to part from her side.

"Merrill, please reconsider. Don't you at least want to choose your own horse?"

"Sebastian," she blinked at him. "I can't ride a horse. Why would I want a horse?" He just stared at her for a moment.

"Moving on foot through the forest is one thing," he said after a moment, in that slow tone he got when he was "explaining" things. Merrill bit back a sigh. She knew he didn't mean to sound patronizing. He _did_ , but it wasn't his intention. "But on the highway we cannot afford to dally. The longer it takes us to get to the Minanter, the more supplies we will have to purchase. The slower we move, the easier a target we will make for bandits."

"I understand that, Sebastian, but that doesn't change the fact that I cannot ride a horse. My feet have served me well enough. I will not slow you down."

Sebastian made a noise of exasperation and ran his hands through his hair, mussing the neat arrangement. Even while traveling, he took care to keep it well-trimmed and in order, Merrill had found. It amused her greatly, though she suspected he would not appreciate knowing that. She hid a small smile as he looked away, fingers automatically smoothing the displaced strands back into their proper places.

"You will not ride?" He looked back at her, his expression thoughtful once more. "You're sure? I _can_ teach you, you know."

"If we do not have time to dally, then we certainly do not have time for riding lessons."

"Very well, I will find another way." He stood and brushed off his armor, looking down at her. She was surprised to see concern in his eyes. "I will return as quickly as I can. Stay safe."

She nodded and he slipped out of the cluster of trees toward the city. Merrill moved to the edge of the trees and watched until he disappeared in a dip of the land. She had been rather surprised when he had brought up the subject of horses. He had not said how he expected to even buy one horse, let alone two, but Merrill had seen the conviction in his eyes that it was a possibility. From the way Hawke and Varric had spoken of the beasts, she had always assumed that they were rather expensive to purchase and care for. But perhaps that was only in Kirkwall?

Merrill let the thought go and turned back to the small clearing. She set up the tent and got a fire pit prepared, although she did not light it. The day was warm enough yet, and it would not be necessary until later. Once that was finished she felt rather at a loss for what to do next. She was exhausted, true, but she did not like the idea of sleeping without Sebastian to keep watch, not so close to the highway. To keep busy, she sat down and pulled her pack to her, deciding to empty it out and rearrange its contents. If they were getting new supplies, it wouldn't hurt to make a bit more room to carry them, right? As she spilled out the pack, a bright flash of blue caught her eyes. Curious, she reached for it and smiled when it turned out to be a ball of wool.

"How did you get in here?" She mused at it. "I didn't grab you when I left Kirkwall."

Setting it carefully atop her cloak to keep it out of the dirt, Merrill returned to sorting her belongings. It occurred to her that she had just scooped up her pack and started shoving things into it once she had managed to get back into her house after the fight with Meredith. Apparently it had not been empty when she began stuffing it full of the supplies she wished to take with her.

So as she continued going through the items in front of her, she was unsurprised when she also turned up a set of polished wood knitting needles, a small book of poetry, a rock carved into the shape of a cat, a length of scarlet lace, and a pretty green river stone. Merrill had the habit of picking up objects that reminded her of her friends and companions, often with the intention of giving them as gifts. Although, she had to admit, she often forgot to do so. The poetry had been for Varric and the lace for Isabela, for instance. Likely she would eventually have remembered to give them the trinkets. It was less likely that she would have ever actually given Anders the cat, or the river stone to Fenris, knowing that the gifts would probably not have been appreciated. That never seemed to stop her from collecting them though, it seemed.

She did find it a bit amusing that the wool and needles had made their way with her. She remembered buying them after overhearing Hawke mention that Sebastian's name day was approaching. She had spotted the wool in the market and it was the same shade as his eyes, so she had purchased it and the needles with the intention of making him a gift. Then promptly forgotten all about them. She frowned at the memory and counted the days in her head. She had missed his name day, which was hardly a surprise, but it only now occurred to her that it had passed while they had been in the forest. Thinking about it now, she wished she had remembered.

"Well," she chirped, "no time like the present, I suppose."

Merrill carefully repacked her bag, tying the other stowaway trinkets up in the scrap of lace and putting them at the bottom of the pack. Then she hummed to herself as she picked up the wool and needles and clumsily cast on her first stitches. She had not tried her hand at knitting since she had been a wee girl and her mother had thought to teach her after noticing how Merrill would watch in fascination for hours as she worked.

Her mother would gather up wool anywhere she could find it, usually trading for it with shemlen or other merchants, but on more than one occasion pulling apart an old garment that was coming unraveled and repurposing the fiber. She would produce beautiful items that she would trade or give away as gifts. Merrill never understood why she never kept anything for herself, but she had explained that it was the act of making she enjoyed. The answer hadn't made sense to Merrill for a long time, but she thought maybe it did now. She knew she would not be able to make Sebastian anything half so beautiful as what her mother could have done, but she did not think he would mind.

She spent the next few hours working on a simple scarf, grateful for the project to keep her busy. She idly wondered what would happen to her when they did reach Starkhaven. Sebastian might have hedged about the topic in his discussions with Fenris, but she had seen enough of shemlen ways to know that they would not look kindly on their prince returning with an elf in tow who wasn't a servant. She was not fool enough to think that her status as a mage would help matters either, especially not after what Anders had done. If he did decide to stay, she would have to move on alone. Her needles slowed briefly as she felt an unexpected burst of sadness at that thought. Of course, the point would be moot, she supposed, resuming her pace, if he decided not to reclaim the throne. Then he probably wouldn't want to stay in Starkhaven. Maybe they could continue traveling together? He had seemed quite content in the forest, and there were so many forests in Thedas...

The sound of a snapping branch pulled Merrill out of her reverie. She chided herself silently for indulging in such silly thoughts and carefully tucked her knitting into her pack. She reached for her staff and stood slowly, drawing in energy in case she needed to defend herself.

"Merrill?" Sebastian stepped into the clearing and Merrill relaxed. She began to smile in greeting and then froze as she took in the sight of him.

"Sebastian, where is your armor?"

The familiar shiny white plates were gone. Instead, Sebastian now wore simple traveling clothes--brown leather pants, a linen shirt dyed a deep blue under a thick leather vest with a fur-lined hood.  The only things she recognized were his boots and fingerless gloves. She stared as she took him in, amazed at how different he looked. She had only rarely seen him in anything other than armor, and even then it was usually chantry robes. Sebastian chuckled at her startled expression and the horse he was leading snorted, causing Merrill to jump in surprise as she noticed it.

"Ah, well, and there's the answer to your question," Sebastian smiled, turning to stroke the horse's nose. "I sold it to buy this fellow." He gave her an amused look. "How did you think I was going to afford horses?"

"Oh, I didn't have any clue, but I didn't think you'd sell your armor! Is armor even worth enough to buy a horse?" That seemed like a silly trade to her, but Sebastian just shook his head and smiled ruefully.

" _That_ armor was. Even for all of the use it has seen, I kept it in excellent condition, and it was very finely crafted, out of only the best materials." There was something in his tone when he said that last that Merrill thought was not meant for her. She understood it when he added, "Father would have no son of his seen in anything less than the best, disgrace or not."

"But..." She waved a hand at him, trying to articulate her thought. Sebastian without his armor just seemed too strange to even imagine. Yet here he stood, in front of her, without it.

"That armor represented my joining the Chantry," Sebastian said softly. "It seemed wrong to keep it when I have been cast out." He shrugged uncomfortably. "Especially when it might serve as a means to help us reach our destination. Besides, it is, as you yourself have noted, rather distinctive. Best to attract as little attention as possible on our journey."

"Oh, I suppose that makes sense." She cautiously moved closer, wary of the horse.

"He is friendly," Sebastian promised.

"He looks rather...plain," Merrill said in surprise as she examined him. Truthfully, she thought the creature beautiful, his pale golden coat shimmered in the waning sunlight and his large eyes held a deep intelligence. But he did not seem like the sort of animal she would have pictured Sebastian picking out for himself.

"Ah, but looks can be deceiving," Sebastian smiled. "He is a draft horse, strong but placid. Yet he is capable of moving much more quickly than one might assume at first glance. Since you will not ride, I had to rethink my plan a little." He indicated something behind the horse and Merrill noticed it bore a harness attached to a small wagon.

"Oh!" Merrill moved back to examine the wagon. A small bench for the driver and a bed just big enough for someone to sit in, along with a few bundles. She wouldn't have to walk or ride a horse, it seemed.

"I trust this will suffice?" Sebastian seemed in good spirits and she was glad of it.

"I think it will do very nicely," she said, returning his smile.

They unhooked the cart, Sebastian showing her how to work the harness so either of them could manage it, and brought the cart and horse into the clearing. Sebastian also showed her how to hobble the horse so that he would not wander off. She hid another small smile at the patience and care he displayed. Gone was the condescending tone he usually adopted while explaining things. It was replaced by a good natured and casual manner as he showed her what must be done. She wondered at the cause of the difference. She was almost sorry now she hadn't taken up his offer to teach her to ride properly.

Once all of that was taken care of, Merrill lit a fire and they began preparing dinner while Sebastian told her about what he'd seen in the city and showed her the supplies he'd purchased. He had originally planned to buy two horses meant for riding. But since he had only had to buy the one, and a draft horse at that, coin from his armor had been enough to purchase all of the other supplies on their list, as well as a little bit extra.

"I thought you might like this," he said, sounding almost shy as he extended a parcel to her.

Merrill eyes widened and she accepted the gift with curiosity. She unwrapped the rectangular bundle, setting the twine and fabric that had covered it aside to save for future use.

"A book?" Merrill traced a finger over the plain leather cover, exclaiming in surprise. She moved it closer to the light of the fire so she could make out the light pattern of vines embossed on it. Her brow furrowed in confusion as she flipped it open to find the pages within empty, however.

"A journal," Sebastian said, extending something else to her, a small leather case. She took it and saw that it was a pen of some sort, with tightly capped bottles of ink. Perhaps designed for travel? "I thought," Sebastian bit his lip, and she was surprised to see the sign of shyness. He cleared his throat and smiled when he saw her watching him. "Well, you were to be a Keeper, yes? I thought you might like to record the memories of your clan. I know you have always valued preserving the heritage of your people."

"Oh, Sebastian!" It was such a thoughtful gift. She launched herself at him in a hug, the journal and pen case still clutched tightly in her hands. He stiffened in surprise, but relaxed after a moment, reaching up to pat her awkwardly on the shoulder. "It is beautiful, thank you!" She sat back and beamed at him and he returned the smile readily.

"I am glad you like it," he said softly.

"Oh, I do!" She assured him as she wrapped the journal again and placed it and the pen case carefully in her pack. A wistful note colored her voice as she added, "So much has been lost. It is only right that I do what I can to save what remains."

Perhaps to be a Keeper without a clan would not be the strangest legacy she could have expected, but she thought that it might just be fitting. For the first time in a long while Merrill felt a sense of purpose, of focus, and it settled over her like a warm blanket. She felt more at ease than she had in years. Sebastian could not begin to understand the depth of meaning his gift held, she knew, but she would have to find a way to repay him nonetheless.

In the morning they broke camp and joined the trickle of travelers on the highway, heading north for the Minanter. Sebastian sat on the seat of the wagon, driving, while Merrill rode in the back with their things. She found it a rather relaxing way to travel, if slow. She suspected they would have made better time on foot. The horse didn't move very fast at all, weighed down with the wagon and the both of them. But she did not mention these thoughts to Sebastian.

They spent most of their time on the road, trading stories about their childhoods, and the traditions of their people. Merrill was amused to realize that Sebastian was just as baffled by the ways of her people as she was by his.

"Your family truly just _gave_ you to another clan?"

"Yes." She did not understand why he seemed so appalled by the fact. "I have magic," she explained to him, slowly, "which meant I must be trained by a Keeper. Our Keeper had no need for me, and Marethari did."

"But...did you even _want_ to be a Keeper?"

"What else would I have been?" She shook her head, bemused, and then turned around, sitting up on her knees so that she could lean against the seat and look up at him. "Dalish with magic become Keepers. It is fairly straightforward. It is a great honor among my people to become a Keeper. Why would I not wish to do so?" He glanced down at her, frowning in thought. "It's no different from your family giving you to the Chantry, really," she added.

Sebastian jerked, his eyes widening. He made a strangled sound and just stared at her. She stared back amicably. She did not mind when he stared, she rather liked the excuse to look at his eyes. She did wish he didn't always look so confused or baffled when he did it though. She smiled at him after a moment and he blinked, turning his eyes back to the road.

"I think," he said after a moment, his voice sounding tight and funny, "that you were perhaps much more eager to go than I was."

"Hmm. I suppose so," she conceded. She turned around, settling back into the wagon. She chanced a glance back up at him and saw that he was quite pointedly not looking at her. Smiling, she hummed a bit under her breath and pulled the scarf out of her pack, confident that she could work on it for a while without him getting a peek.

Merrill might hesitate to admit it, but she had always been rather fond of Sebastian. Certainly he was rather stuck in his belief in the teachings of the Chantry, but she could hardly think poorly of him for that. He did not blindly accept everything he was told, she had seen, and he was much more interested in doing what he thought was the _right_ thing than what was the expected thing. He could be condescending, but he was never cruel. He truly wanted to help other people, no matter who they might be. She liked that about him quite a bit. As they traveled together, she found many other things she liked about him as well. The more distance they put between themselves in Kirkwall, the more relaxed he seemed to become (even though she could see he was clearly nervous about returning to his home in Starkhaven). He smiled and joked with her, and he seemed genuinely interested in learning about her people. Not to mention that he was awfully nice to look at.

She had also learned that it was quite easy to put him off balance, and she would never admit it to him, but she found that quite endearing. He had been so certain of himself when he wore that armor and believed he had the favor of his Maker. She wasn't as sure as he that he had lost that favor, but it was still nice to see him flounder just like everyone else sometimes. Every once in a while, she could do it on purpose, with a well-chosen observation or a teasing remark. But more often she did it quite by accident. Sebastian just seemed not to know how to react to her.

For example, there was the horse. Merrill had decided before the end of their first day on the road that they should call him Buttercup, because of his coloring. Sebastian had been utterly taken aback when she shared this with him though.

"We shouldn't name the horse."

"Why ever not? He's part of our party too." That had brought another one of those puzzled stares, followed by an exasperated sigh.

"We cannot keep him and it would not do to get too, er, attached. When we reach the Minanter and take ship, we will have to sell him."

"I don't see why that means he shouldn't have a name. Unless he already has one?" She turned to the horse, stroking his mane. "Do you have a name already, Buttercup?" Buttercup blinked his large eyes in response.

"I didn't think to ask if he had a name," Sebastian said dryly. She could tell from his expression that he now wished he had.

"Well, that was silly of you. Even if it is only temporary, he's part of the cl-party until we reach the river. He should have a name. Buttercup, it is." The horse snorted and snuffled in her outstretched hand. "See? He likes it." Silently, she cursed herself for her slip of the tongue.

She might not have a clan anymore, but when she closed her eyes, riding in the back of the wagon was almost (but not quite) like traveling in an aravel pulled by a halla. It wasn't the same, nowhere near, but she had once or twice allowed herself to pretend, just for a little bit. It seemed disrespectful to her, then, to treat the horse as just a beast, when he was helping them get where they needed to go. She had hoped Sebastian hadn't noticed, but apparently that had been a vain hope. She glanced back, and he was watching her with a deep sadness in his eyes. Merrill turned back to the horse, silently cursing again. He _had_ heard, then. Still, it had apparently unsettled him enough that he didn't argue when she continued to address the horse as Buttercup. Although by the next day he was grumbling at what an inappropriate name that was for such a solid horse.

They mostly continued to make camp off the road as they traveled. They could have stayed at inns on many occasions, but Sebastian thought it would be best to conserve their coin to ensure they could book passage on a ship to Starkhaven. Merrill did not argue with his insistence. They still went through several villages and stopped to get supplies, sometimes a warm meal as well, and Merrill did not miss the suspicious way the people regarded her. Villagers often whispered as she walked by, pointing out her bare feet or tapered ears when they thought she could not see. More than once, she had seen tavern owners seriously consider refusing to serve her, but they had clearly been unwilling to lose the coin Sebastian was offering for the meals.

She thought about bringing it up, but Sebastian truly did not seem to notice the behavior. It was endearing and at the same time maddening. But the closer they got to the Minanter, the more distracted Sebastian seemed to become. He was worried about what they would find in Starkhaven, she knew, and she did not wish to add to his troubles. How people treated her was her own problem, after all. She was hardly defenseless should someone try to harm her. It did make her somewhat apprehensive about reaching Starkhaven, though. But that was a problem to deal with when it arrived.

"Those women in the town were quite pretty," Merrill observed one night, as they sat beside their fire drinking tea.

"What women?" Sebastian had been staring into space, lost in thought. He shook himself and turned a questioning look at Merrill, surprised by the abrupt start of a conversation.

"The innkeeper's daughters, I think they were," Merrill elaborated. She smiled at Sebastian. "They thought you were quite pretty, too." Her smile widened into a grin when Sebastian blushed. "You could have visited with them for a bit, you know," she added. "We're not in any hurry, after all, as you say. I could have taken Buttercup out of town and waited."

"Merrill!" Sebastian's entire face was red now. Merrill stared in open fascination. He really _was_ pretty, and the blush only heightened it, she realized. "I would never--I couldn't have--" He spluttered for a moment before taking a deep breath and saying in a serious tone, "That would have been a very unfair thing to do to you."

"Why do you say that?" She tilted her head in curiosity. "Buttercup is excellent company, and it would have given me a chance to write in my journal in the daylight without being jostled by the road."

"Even so," he said, striving for a calm tone, his eyes squeezed shut. Merrill grinned. "It would not be very gentlemanly of me to run off to seek such base pleasure while leaving you to wait. Not to mention," he added, "I have my vows to consider."

"Oh," Merrill said, confused. "I thought they were dissolved when Sister Barrie--" Sebastian's expression became pained. Now it was her turn to flush with embarrassment. "Oh Sebastian, I am sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up."

"No," Sebastian sat back, staring into the fire. He didn't sound upset, just surprised, and thoughtful. "You are correct about that. I guess it just hadn't yet occurred to me what that really meant."

"Hmm." Merrill relaxed a little, glad he was not upset. She tried another smile. "Well, maybe in the next village then! Perhaps Buttercup and I will just wait by the road. After all, there are women who find you pretty in every village." She patted his wrist. He looked down at her hand and then back up, blinking.

"Just because I am no longer beholden to my vows, that does not mean I am going to bed the first woman I come across who is interested."

"Obviously," Merrill chirped. "You've already passed on at least half a dozen that I noticed."

" _Merrill_." He sighed. "You know what I mean."

"I thought you liked bedding women though?" She tilted her head again. "Or did you prefer men? I am sure there are plenty of men interested too if you would rath--"

"Merrill." She wondered why he kept saying her name in that exasperated tone. His face was flushed in embarrassment once more, eyes squeezed shut again. When he opened them he would not look directly at her.

"Sebastian?"

"Just because I am no longer part of the Chantry, that does not mean I am going to revert to my old ways. For one thing," a small smile, finally, "I am not as young as I used to be."

"Isabela's not any younger than you are and she still seems to enjoy collecting lovers," Merrill pointed out. Sebastian's smile widened and he did manage to meet her eyes. There was a sparkle in them, and she was relieved to see it.

"I am not Isabela."

"And thank the Creators for that," she answered. "You'd never get away with showing off that much skin! You're much too fair. Imagine the burns! And you could never pull off those boots."

Sebastian let out a loud laugh, causing her to jump. He shook his head and then he glanced at her, only to start laughing again. She watched him with a tentative smile, enjoying the sound. She did not think she had ever heard him laugh so. It was a nice laugh. After he subsided they did not say anything for a long while. Eventually, Merrill bid him goodnight and made her way to the tent while he took the first watch. She smiled as she drifted off to sleep, glad she had somehow managed to distract him from his concerns, if only for an evening.

After two weeks on the road, they finally managed to reach the river. Merrill was sad to see Buttercup go, but she understood that they had to sell him. She was heartened that Sebastian sold both the horse and wagon to a family with a small farm outside of the town. The farmer had several children that Merrill could see, and they all seemed delighted with the new addition. They even agreed to keep his name as Buttercup, causing the farmer and Sebastian to share a bemused look.

Sebastian managed to book them passage on a small vessel making straight for Starkhaven that was scheduled to leave on the evening tide. Only one cabin was available, the captain told them, but after so long in each other's company, neither of them objected to sharing quarters. When they were shown their cabin Merrill rather thought the word was a bit of an overstatement. "Pantry" might have been more appropriate. The beds more closely resembled shelves, built into the wall and stacked upon one another, with railings around the edge to keep the occupants from rolling off while asleep.

"I suppose they cannot be worse than the ground," Merrill sighed as she poked at the thin straw mat lining the nearest bed. Sebastian had called it a bunk. She eyed the length of the bunks and then Sebastian, guessing he was likely to be more uncomfortable than she. They weren't nearly as long as he was tall.

"We will not have to endure them for very long," Sebastian assured her. "The captain estimates it is only five days to Starkhaven this time of year."

He paced around the closet-sized room. There was a small chest for their belongings underneath the lower bunk, bolted down to keep it from sliding about in rough waters. Beside the door there were three polished planks of wood attached to the wall with hinges. The two smaller planks were set lower on the wall and Sebastian showed her how all three could be folded down to serve as seats and a table. There was a small round window set high up in one of the walls, and a lantern in a bracket opposite it. Other than that, the room was bare. With the table and seats folded down there was hardly any room for a person to stand. But Sebastian seemed satisfied enough with the arrangement.

"It is clean," he said with a small smile, "and dry, and the price was right. I feared the best we could expect would be hammocks in the hold, truth be told. A private cabin, small as it may be, is a lucky find for us. Even better--" He strode to the closed door--the cabin was far too small for it to be open while anyone was inside--and turned a bolt above the knob with a resounding click. "It locks." He turned to her and grinned. Merrill waited for him to go on, unsure why he was so delighted. "How long has it been since you've had a full night's rest?" He asked her softly, adding, "Because I would wager it has been far too long for either one of us."

"Oh!" Merrill's eyes widened as she understood his meaning. A private room with a lock, with all of their belongings inside. There would be no more taking turns at watch. No interrupted sleep. Just going to sleep at night and waking up in the morning. Merrill sank down on the bottom bunk, a slow smile spreading across her face. "That sounds absolutely _wonderful_."

Their journey on the Minanter ended up taking seven days, not five, but Merrill did not mind the delay. Traveling on this ship was much more pleasant than when her clan had come to the Free Marches from Ferelden. She barely even felt queasy, unlike the sickness that had plagued her last such voyage. Passage had included two hot meals a day, breakfast and dinner. There was a small area of the deck set aside for passengers to use during the day as well, to allow them to stretch their legs and keep them out of the crew's way. Merrill did not make as much use of the passenger deck as Sebastian, who spent much of his time leaning against the railing and watching the horizon, but she did try to take a few turns around it every day.

She mostly avoided the crew and other passengers, although for once she did not feel that they seemed overly curious about the fact that she was an elf. For one thing, several of the crew members were elves themselves, although unsurprisingly none were Dalish. A few tried to ask her about her vallaslin, but she only murmured that they were Dalish tradition before excusing herself and returning to the cabin. These elves did not keep to the old ways, and they could not truly appreciate the significance of the blood writing.

Merrill was very grateful for the porthole in their cabin as the voyage progressed. It allowed her to spend most of her time in the close quarters without feeling too closed in, and it allowed light by which she could write in her journal, which was much easier on a ship than it had been in the wagon. She had recorded something of her own history, what she knew of her birth clan and family, and then everything she could recall of the Sabrae clan. As stories of the old gods came to her, she would write them down, but she also found that she was enjoying keeping a record of her own story.

She filled the pages with how she had met Hawke and come to join the Champion's band of companions, of her knowledge as to what had really happened with the Kirkwall Chantry. She was also keeping a detailed account of what had come after, and looked forward to putting down what was yet to come. It was a very relaxing way to spend her time, and it helped her reflect over how her life had led her to her current situation. As she poured herself out into the journal she was surprised to find that, while she had regrets, she could not see herself ever having done anything differently. It was a rather reassuring revelation.

Merrill also took advantage of Sebastian's time out of the cabin to finish his scarf. She was rather proud of it, even if it was a rather simple garment. She hoped he would like it. Now she just had to find the right time to give it to him. She considered presenting him with the gift when he returned for their evening meal, but a feeling in her gut told her that the time was not yet come. Resolved to wait, she carefully folded it and stored it in her sack and then made her way up to the passenger area of the deck, humming a little tune to herself along the way. The sun was beginning to set, she noted, as she reached the open air and made her way to Sebastian's tall form at the rail. He smiled at her in greeting when she leaned on the rail beside him and then pointed to something off in the distance.

"We've nearly arrived," he said softly. "Do you see? Those buildings there?" Merrill squinted and shaded her eyes against the glare. She could just make out a hill at the next bend of the river, covered with shiny objects that upon closer inspection resolved into buildings, with the sinking sun reflecting off the glass of windows. "Starkhaven," Sebastian whispered. "My home."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian must decide once and for all if he is to reclaim his place in Starkhaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always kind of thought the way that Sebastian wrote Goran off as "simple" was too easy an explanation. So, this is sort of what I imagine could have been going on there. I hope it comes across well!

Sebastian was assaulted by a flood of emotions when he stepped off the ship in Starkhaven. A part of him was elated to at long last be _home_. The sun was completely down now, and lights flickered in windows throughout the city. The cobblestone roads wound among the buildings that lined the hill, all leading up to the palace, which shone brightly against the night. It was a familiar and welcome sight. At the same time, the knowledge that his family no longer lived in the palace hit him like a punch to the gut. To all outward appearances Starkhaven seemed exactly the same as when he had been sent away. But Sebastian knew that in reality everything had changed, and that knowledge made the perfectly ordinary appearance of the city deeply unsettling to him.

"Oh," Merrill breathed beside him as she looked around, taking it all in for the first time. "It is so different from Kirkwall."

"In many ways, yes," Sebastian smiled sadly, glancing down at her, "but I think you will find there are more similarities than the initial impression would suggest."

She gave him a puzzled look but said nothing. Sebastian took her arm in his and led her away from the docks, toward the street. A cool breeze was blowing through the city and he found himself glad of it. Many people had their hoods up and it made Sebastian less conspicuous as he did the same. He could not afford to be recognized just yet, not until he had some idea of what he was walking into. They headed for a street that he knew to be lined with several inns of varying quality. He had a specific destination in mind, one he had never visited but that had a reputation for being affordable and clean.

As they walked Merrill looked around at everything in delight and he could not help but pick up some of her enthusiasm. Trade was an industry of vital importance to Starkhaven, and the docks and the surrounding streets were heavily maintained and patrolled to encourage merchants to feel comfortable and welcome in the city, even at night. This also helped to make the best first impression possible to newcomers arriving by ship. The areas around the city's main gates and primary avenues were similarly cared for. Outside of those parts of the city, Sebastian knew the picture could be very different. Certainly he could not recall any part of Starkhaven that was so depraved and broken down as Darktown. But he knew that what Merrill was admiring was the bright and clean image of the city that visitors were meant to see. A small part of him fervently hoped she'd never have to see any of the less pleasant districts.

"We should probably agree upon a few things before we settle in," Sebastian said quietly as they turned into the street of their destination.

"Hmm?" Merrill turned to him expectantly.

"Outside of our rooms in the inn, you should probably not refer to me by name, just in case."

"Because you want to stay hidden?" Sebastian nodded and she smiled. "Very well, _lethallin_ ," she patted his arm that was linked with hers.

Sebastian blinked, momentarily forgetting what he meant to say next. He had never heard her call anyone outside of her clan that, save for Hawke. Not even Varric or Isabela. He supposed, with as much time as they had spent together traveling now, the term of endearment should not surprise him so. Still, it did, as did the warm feeling that it spurred in him. Merrill tugged on his arm and he realized that he had stopped walking. He shook his head and began moving again as she asked, "Was there anything else?"

"Ah, yes." He cleared his throat. "To save coin and to avoid attracting attention, we should probably try to rent a room together."

"Perhaps it will be larger than the cabin." She smiled.

"I am sure it will be," he answered. "Although, as I was saying, we wish to avoid attention, so it would be for the best if we tell the innkeeper we are married." He inhaled deeply, expecting an objection or some show of surprise at the suggestion.

Instead of either reaction, Merrill just tilted her head to the side thoughtfully. She tapped one red nail against her lips. Their pace slowed as she seemed to think over his words and he watched her, waiting for her response.

"Wouldn't it make more sense for me to be your servant?"

"No? What? Why would you think that?" Sebastian stared at her, stopping in the street once more. It was the last thing he would have expected her to say.

"Well..." Merrill drew the word out slowly. "It seems to me that someone like you," she waved a hand vaguely at him, "would be far more likely to have an elf as a servant to marry one, don't you think? Especially in a big city like this."

"I..." He cleared his throat and then glanced around. Worried about attracting attention, he took her arm again and very slowly resumed walking. She had a point, actually, and he wondered why such a ruse hadn't even occurred to him. Still, this was Merrill, and he did not like the idea of such a deception. "Perhaps elves as servants are more common in the city," he tried again, speaking softly, "but not Dalish elves. Besides, it would seem odd if I was traveling alone with only a female servant, I think. Not to mention that it would likely invite speculation as to my identity, someone well off enough to have a personal servant staying at anything but the finest of establishments. Better a mismatched couple traveling through town than a mysterious noble with an unknown agenda." Merrill nodded at this.

"If you say so, _lethallin_." She turned to smile softly at him, pulling her arm free. Then she clapped her hands in delight. "Oh, this will be fun though! We shall have to be very convincing!" Sebastian's steps faltered a bit at that but Merrill continued along without noticing.

He caught up to her and led her inside the inn when they reached it. While Sebastian spoke with the innkeeper to arrange their room, Merrill snuggled up to his side and rested a head against his arm. She twined their hands together and kept her face tucked in to his chest. He smiled down at her, amused by her idea of "convincing." Still, the innkeeper seemed to accept the story, and though he gave Merrill's bare feet a disapproving glance, he provided them with a room readily enough, offering to have bathwater and a meal sent up for them.

As they left the common room and made their way to the second floor of the inn, Sebastian realized that the innkeeper had been so distracted by Merrill that he had hardly paid any attention to Sebastian himself. He grinned at that, glad to have escaped scrutiny. He might have been gone from the city for more than half of his life, but Sebastian was not fool enough to think there was no chance of being recognized. He bore several distinctive Vael physical traits, after all, something his father had often lamented in his wilder youth. His grin softened to a smaller smile as they reached their room and Merrill eagerly unlocked it with the key the innkeeper had provided. As it so happened, Sebastian had a few ideas about avoiding notice while in the city.

"Did I do alright?" Merrill asked once they had closed and locked the door behind them. "Do you think he believed I was your wife?"

"You did just fine, Merrill," Sebastian said fondly. "I am sure he did." He reached out and squeezed her shoulder. She gave him an appraising look as she sat on the edge of the bed. "What?" Sebastian asked.

"You changed your voice when you spoke to him," she observed, bouncing on the mattress a little. "You rather sounded like Seneschal Bran."

"Well, I thought it might sell the wandering couple story better if I did not sound like a native of Starkhaven," Sebastian chuckled. He paused. "Bran? Really?" Merrill nodded, her eyes wide and amused. Sebastian gave it some thought. Perhaps having the surly seneschal to model his adopted accent after would help him keep up the illusion. It was something to bear in mind.

"This is quite nice," Merrill said, bouncing on the mattress again. "Very soft. And another door with a lock! We are going to get spoiled, sleeping so well."

"I am glad you approve." Sebastian laughed again. "I am sorry we had to get a room with one bed," he sighed as he eyed it. "But it wouldn't have done to ask for two. I will manage on the floor, I am sure."

"Don't be silly, Sebastian!" Merrill rolled her eyes. "This bed is more than big enough for both of us." A wicked grin flashed across her face. "I promise not to try anything inappropriate." Sebastian stared at her with wide eyes, momentarily taken aback.

" _You_ promise not to--" he spluttered. He should have learned by now not to believe her apparent innocence, he knew. But it was so easy to forget she was not as naive as she came across. She laughed at his reaction, and he relaxed a bit. The look on her face had been...disconcerting.

"Well I know that I don't have to worry about you misbehaving," she said with a teasing smile. He arched an eyebrow at that and she winked at him. "If you could manage to resist Isabela for all those years, I have no fear for my virtue in your presence, _lethallin_." She got up and walked over to him, patting his cheek before moving off to explore the rest of the room.

He watched her progress, trying not to notice how gracefully she moved. Or how inviting the slender curve of her neck was, now that he actually looked at it. Without her cloak, it was suddenly quite obvious how closely her clothes hugged her slender form...

_Merrill._ He chided himself. _She's Merrill. Apostate. Dalish. Not to mention_ blood mage _, never forget that._ But another part of him spoke up as well. _Kind, sweet, loyal, understanding. Your_ friend _Merrill_. That last gave him pause. She was that, wasn't she? After everything that had happened in Kirkwall, after coming all of this way together, how could she be anything else? That realization cooled the unexpected heat in his blood and he let out a small sigh. She was right, after all, he was perfectly  capable of controlling himself. Merrill deserved more than to have him ogle her simply because she had teased him.

He was quite relieved when there was a knock on the door. He answered it to find a serving boy had been sent to tell them their baths were ready and to lead them to the bathing chambers. Sebastian and Merrill gathered up what they would need and followed eagerly. Both were quite excited about the prospect of a warm bath after so long on the road. Sebastian lingered in his closet-sized bathing chamber, and Merrill was already in the room when he returned. She was lighting lamps when he slipped in through the door. The scent of their newly arrived dinner greeted him and his stomach rumbled loudly in response, drawing her attention.

"There you are! You certainly took your time didn't y--" Merrill turned to him and her mouth fell open. Much like when he had returned from Cumberland without his armor, she stared at him with surprise-widened eyes. "Your hair," she whispered after a moment.

"It's not permanent," he assured her, locking the door behind himself and moving over to the small table where their meal was set out. "I wanted to do it before we got here, but the facilities on the ship weren't exactly ideal. What do you think?"

"I think you don't look like yourself at all," she answered quietly. Merrill reached up and tentatively touched a strand of his now darkened hair. "But that was your intention, I suppose?" She tilted her head, assessing the change in his appearance as he nodded. "Won't the innkeeper or the serving boy notice the change though?"

"I kept my hood up in the common room," he shrugged. He pulled out a chair for her and then took one for himself. Reaching for a roll, he added, "and it was dark enough in the hall that I don't think the serving boy will even recall it being different."

Merrill nodded and they tucked into the meal. Without thinking, Sebastian reached up to smooth out the messy strands. He was surprised when Merrill placed a gentle hand on his arm.

"Don't." He stared at her and she offered a small conspiratorial smile. "You always keep it so neat," she explained. "If you are trying to look like someone else, you should let it stay loose." Sebastian sat back and looked at her for a moment. Merrill arched an eyebrow at him. "Unless you weren't so fastidious about your appearance in your youth, of course?"

"Um." Sebastian blushed and she laughed.

"I thought so."

They finished their meal and then Sebastian decided to turn in for the night. Now that he was finally here, his nerves seemed to have subsided somewhat. As all of his apprehension from the past few weeks dissipated, he realized that he was utterly exhausted. He hadn't been able to sleep well on the ship, and the soft bed beckoned to him. He found himself immensely grateful that Merrill had no objection to sharing.

She wanted to stay up for a while to write in her journal, she told him. They put out all but one lantern and she curled up in a corner with the book as he readied himself for bed behind a privacy screen. As he slipped under the covers he glanced over and noted with some surprise that she seemed to be writing at the back of the book already. A small smile crossed his face and his last thought before falling asleep was that they would need to get her a new journal while they were in the city.

For a week, they spent their days wandering through Starkhaven. Occasionally Merrill would stay in their room, but she often accompanied him as he walked through the city, just listening to the people and assessing how things were. They did visit the markets and pick up a few things, like a new journal for Merrill, but mostly Sebastian wanted to see what condition the city was in. He felt rather uneasy when Merrill curiously insisted they visit the Alienage. He was rather relieved to find that it was larger and in much better condition than the Alienage of Kirkwall, but it still made him uncomfortable to be there with Merrill in tow.

Her comparison of his voice to Bran's had inspired Sebastian to take on something of the seneschal's personality when they were out and about, just to keep anyone from associating him with, well, himself. Merrill was vastly amused by the affectation and played it up, chiding him for being a grump and pulling smiles or sympathy from the vendors and citizens they encountered. He had to admit that he enjoyed the chance to pretend to be someone else for a time. It was more freeing than he would have imagined, and it reminded him of the occasions as a boy when he had pretended not to be Prince Sebastian while carousing in the less respectable parts of the city. Still, as fun as that aspect of it was, and as much as he enjoyed getting to show his home to Merrill, he could not shake the deep uneasiness that their excursions had left him feeling.

The city seemed to be faring quite well, despite the chaos to the south. A large part of this was due to the city's lack of a Circle. It had never been rebuilt after the fire that had destroyed it. Sebastian knew that the mages who had survived had been sent to Kirkwall, with rather mixed results. But he had learned through carefully casual questions that the Revered Mother in Starkhaven had begun sending any newly discovered mages in the region to Markham's Circle after that initial transfer. No one really seemed to know why, but there was some speculation in the wake of how that transfer had played out that she had developed doubts as to the Gallows' ability to contain its charges. If that was the case, Sebastian mused, she had been well-justified in her doubts.

Whatever the Revered Mother's reasons, her action had led to a distinct lack of worry in Starkhaven about the mage situation. Even those with family members or loved ones who had been found to have magic seemed unconcerned, knowing their mage acquaintances to be either long dead after the fire or safe in Markham. From what he gathered, most people were still viewing the uprising in Kirkwall as an isolated incident, reflecting on the leadership of that city rather than the Circles in general. Sebastian hoped they proved correct, but he was not optimistic on the matter.

Kirkwall was still a sister city to Starkhaven in matters of trade, however, and Sebastian was very curious to find out what effect, if any, Anders' actions had on that side of Starkhaven's operations. He was surprised to learn that it had been minimal. It seemed order had been restored to Kirkwall much more quickly than he would have anticipated. He had his suspicions that a certain Captain of the Guard had played a large part in that. Trade had faltered only briefly, and though it was slower than normal for this time of year, it had not hurt Starkhaven. In fact, from what he gathered, Starkhaven had been able to send much in the way of relief supplies and aid to its sister city. That suggested Starkhaven was operating from a position of political security and abundant resources.

Which should make him happy.

So why didn't it?

The more time they spent in Starkhaven, the clearer it became to Sebastian that the city was faring quite well without him. The people were happy and not lacking for anything that he could see. The trade was flowing, and crime was low. Starkhaven was, in fact, the very model of a prosperous, safe, and happy city. One ruled well and able to stand solidly in the face of upheaval outside of its borders.

That only left one question, as far as Sebastian was concerned. _Who_ was actually ruling the city? Had Goran somehow come into his own since last they had met each other? It was possible, but he feared that some noble or advisor was likely pulling the strings and manipulating his simple cousin for their own means. Although, looking around, he wondered how much it mattered in the long run. The city was stable, and its people well off. They would not be served by him turning their lives upside down by claiming the throne and in all probability instigating a civil war. But still, he needed to know.

Nothing he had heard in any of his wandering or carefully steered conversations had provided any information on the topic that he found useful. Goran was mentioned often, but so were many of his advisors. None of them were described in any way to tell Sebastian if someone was in charge who shouldn't be. As the days wore on, he came to realize that there was only one person who would be able to satisfy his question of Goran's ability to rule.

It was time to speak to his cousin in person.

"I don't understand why you are leaving in the middle of the night to do this."

Merrill sat up in the bed, her elbows propped up on her knees. Sebastian did his best to avoid looking at her. She had taken to wearing one of the shirts she had salvaged from her clan's camp as a nightshirt after it had indeed proved too small for Sebastian. The shirt was quite large on Merrill and left very little to the imagination.

"I can't exactly sneak into the palace at any other time," Sebastian said as he did up the toggles on his leather vest. It was rather windy at the top of the hill upon which the palace rested, so he decided against taking his cloak, worried the loose fabric might flap at an inopportune moment.

"You shouldn't have to sneak in at _all_ ," she said, clearly puzzled. "It is your home after all. Or it was. But you are still blood. Wouldn't you be welcome?"

Sebastian sighed and picked up one of his knives. He pulled it out of its sheath and eyed it for a moment before sliding it back in place. He strapped it to his thigh and then reached for his quiver, fastening it in place with deliberation. Merrill just watched his preparations, waiting.

"Likely if I sent word ahead, yes, I would be made welcome," Sebastian said quietly, turning to face her at last, keeping his eyes locked with hers. "But I would be walking into a trap. Even if Goran wasn't worried about my presence in the city threatening his rule, that wouldn't necessarily apply to the person controlling him." He picked up his bow and checked it over. "If he is being controlled, that is. But I won't know whether or not that's the case until I speak to him myself. I can't risk that he isn't and alert his master to my presence before I've figured that out." He kept his eyes on hers, silently begging her to understand.

"Let me come with you, then."

"I have to do this alone, Merrill." He smiled to soften the words. "But I thank you for wanting to have my back. Besides, I've never actually tried to sneak anyone else in this way." She let out a huff of frustration but did not argue. He stepped forward and gave her shoulder a tight squeeze, trying to ignore how much bare skin his fingers touched. The collar of her shirt was really much too open. Sebastian gave himself a small shake, chiding himself to focus on the task at hand. "If I am not back by sunup, take the rest of our coin and go," he told her. "Get on the first ship you can find that's leaving with the morning tide."

He pulled up the hood of his vest and turned to go. As he slipped out of the door he heard Merrill whisper something after him.

"Good luck, _lethallin_. Stay safe. _Dareth shiral_.”

Sebastian closed the door and leaned against it for a moment. He took a few deep breaths to steady himself before making his way down the stairs. Instead of going through the common room, he took a hallway that he knew led to the back of the inn and the stables. From there, he slipped into the night and began the trek through the city to the palace.

Before Father had sent him away to the Chantry, Sebastian had often found himself outside of the palace late into the night. Normally he had not had any compunctions about returning through the main entrances, of course, but there had been times when he held no desire to face his father's wrath the next morning. An expert at sneaking out, it had been easy enough to master the skill in reverse, finding those ways into the palace that were not watched by guards or servants who would all too eagerly report his transgressions.

One of his first fears upon learning of his family's murders was that one of his secret ways in had been discovered and used for the ill deed. But he had quickly dismissed that worry. As he had told Merrill, none of them were suited to letting through more than one person. He had also learned quickly enough that the mercenaries had gained entrance through trickery and lies, aided by Lady Harimann, he had no doubt. So he had kept the knowledge of those unwatched ways in held close, just in case. Now he was glad that he had done so.

He was almost surprised with how natural it felt to him to once more be sneaking through the Starkhaven night. A small thrill of enjoyment flashed through his veins and he realized he was grinning widely. He had done good things in the Chantry, he believed that in his heart. But perhaps he truly had never been meant for that life, not on a permanent basis. There was too much of the rogue in him. He was too good at it. The Maker would not have blessed him with these skills for no reason. As he climbed up the side of the palace, he could not help but wonder if those skills were meant to serve him as Prince of Starkhaven or as something else entirely. He supposed tonight would put paid to that speculation.

Sebastian easily made it to the balcony of his old rooms. He rested for a moment there, considering his options. They did not appear to be inhabited from what he could see through the doorway. He could sneak inside and make his way to Goran's chambers from there. Of course, that ran a very high risk of being seen. He leaned over the edge of the balcony rail briefly, making sure to stay in the shadows. If Goran had taken the traditional Prince's Suite, then his own balcony was just...

Yes. He could make it to Goran's balcony easily enough from outside. The decision made, Sebastian spurred into motion once more, using the decorative stonework as foot- and handholds to help him move up a story and across to the right place. He dropped down into the balcony silently and moved to the door, putting his ear to the glass panes. There was no light coming from within, and he could discern no sounds. If Goran had taken these rooms, the door should lead directly to his sleeping chamber. He was either abed or not yet retired, although the second possibility seemed unlikely.

Sebastian slipped a lock pick out of a vest pocket and cautiously worked at the door's latch. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door without a sound and slipped inside the room, shutting the door just as quietly as he had opened it. A small amount of moonlight streamed through the light curtains over the glass panes in the door. It was enough to see that the bed was indeed occupied. Before Sebastian could decide on his next move, the form in the bed stirred, and the ruling Prince of Starkhaven opened his eyes. The two men stared at each other in silence for several long moments.

"Ah, Sebastian." Goran sighed and sat up in bed. "I have been wondering when I would see you. Though I admit, I did not expect you to come to me like this." In the dim light, Sebastian could just make out the other man gesturing at the balcony door.

"You--you knew I was coming, then?" Sebastian remained where he was, staring at his cousin in surprise.

"Oh yes. When I heard about that terrible business in Kirkwall I immediately sought to find out if you had survived." He loosed a wry chuckle. "I'll admit that it would have been more convenient for me if you had not."

Sebastian stiffened, and his eyes narrowed, though he doubted Goran could see the movement. The hand at his side twitched toward the knife strapped to his thigh, but he did not draw it. Not yet. Goran laughed again. It was an honest laugh, full of amusement and without malice. That gave Sebastian pause.  

"Quite a few people heard your promise to the Champion that you would return here to gather an army for razing Kirkwall. So tell me, cousin, is that why you're here? Have you come to kill me and claim your place as rightful heir of Starkhaven?"

Sebastian inhaled sharply and then loosed the breath slowly. He looked around the room and made out a chair near the bed. He walked toward it, shaking his head. Goran didn't sound anything like he remembered him. This was not going at all as he had expected. He dropped into the chair, staring at Goran's shadowy form for a long moment.

"I don't know," he finally admitted.

"Well." He could just make out Goran's smile. "I can work with that, I suppose." Goran pulled back the covers and got out of bed, reaching for the thick robe draped over a trunk at its foot. "Come, let us pretend we are civilized men, at least for a little while."

He went to the door that led into the rest of the suite and waited for Sebastian to follow. Cautiously, Sebastian rose from the chair and crossed the room. Goran led them out into the sitting room. He gestured to one of a pair of chairs in front of the fireplace and knelt to stir the banked fire back to life before taking the other. Sebastian kept his hand on the hilt of his knife until Goran was seated and only then did he set down his bow and quiver to take the indicated seat.

He stared at Goran in utter confusion. The man before him, watching him over his fingertips with eyes so very like his own, was nothing like the simple fool he remembered from his childhood. Indeed as they looked at each other, Sebastian was struck by how powerfully Goran reminded him of his grandfather. The resemblance was uncanny, right down to the penetrating and intelligent gaze that held him in place.

"First things first," Goran said eventually. "Do you still wish to lead an attack against Starkhaven."

"No," Sebastian said, glad that the word came out in a clear and confident tone. It would not do for Goran to realize just how much he had already thrown Sebastian off his balance.

"Exellent. Now. How long have you been in the city?"

"For a week."

"Truly?" Goran's eyebrows rose. Sebastian felt a small glimmer of pride at the expression. At least part of his plan had been successful. His cousin had not had a clue that he'd been here. "Hmm. In disguise, clearly." His eyes rose to Sebastian's darkened hair and then darted down to Sebastian's attire. "I shall have to have a word with the Captain of the Guard. Clearly he needs to remind his men how easy it is for someone to change his more distinctive appearance traits."

"It would seem so," Sebastian smirked. He felt himself beginning to relax and fought the urge. He still did not know where he stood just yet.

"So, how do you find our fair city, then?"

"It seems you have everything well in hand," Sebastian answered softly.

"I do, as it happens," Goran nodded. "I won't pretend that there have not been rough times, especially in recent weeks, but we do seem to be managing just fine."

"We?"

"Ah." Something in Sebastian's tone must have given his suspicions away. Goran gave him a sympathetic grin and waved a hand in his direction. "You refer to the fact that I only sit the throne because I was placed there as a result of Lady Harimann's scheming. This has you worried, yes?"

"She did seem to think she could influence your rule," Sebastian pointed out.

"Yes, well. An unfortunate byproduct of acting the fool for so long, I fear. When I realized she meant to marry me off to her daughter, I knew I was going to have to relieve her of her misconceptions." He let out a small sigh. "Of course, the need never arose, as she died before she had a chance to bring her plans to fruition." He pressed his fingers together again, resting them under his nose. "I understand I have you to thank for removing her." Sebastian looked away.

"She had my entire family killed," he whispered. Perhaps he didn't need to justify Lady Harimann's death, but Elthina's reminder that murder was not justice continued to haunt him.

" _Our_ family, Sebastian," Goran said just as softly, but firmly. Sebastian snapped his eyes back to the other man. ”Your father and mother and brothers, yes. But remember they were my uncle and aunt and cousins. Also my _wife_ , who was here as well, and heavy with child."

"I did not know," Sebastian said, eyes widening. "No one told me..." Goran sighed and shook his head.

"I don't suppose they thought there was any need to. If you have come to ascertain whether or not I had any part in that woman's schemes, let me assure you I did _not_. That I have benefitted from this tragedy does not make up for what I lost, and never can. It was only by Andraste's grace that my sons were _not_ here at the time. They were meant to be, you know."

Sebastian nodded thoughtfully. If Lady Harimann had meant to marry Flora to Goran, she would have not wanted any of the children from his first marriage standing in the way of her own grandchildren's inheritance.

"But as it stands," Sebastian said softly after a few moments, "they survived. Which means that Starkhaven has a ruler of Vael blood, with legitimate heirs, who has, by all appearances, done quite well by her."

"That does seem to be the situation, yes. But you would have already known that from your time here. Yet still you came to me alone." He spread his hands. "I can only assume that means you either mean to assassinate me and claim you are the rightful heir with as minimal fuss as possible, or that you have questions you wish to ask of me personally. Perhaps you fear that if Lady Harimann thought me so easy to manipulate, someone might have taken her place once she was gone?"

Sebastian stared at him for a long time. Goran did not seem at all worried that his first suggestion was the case. In fact, he seemed rather amused by the entire situation. That he was right only served to show Sebastian just how far he had underestimated the man.

"You never used to be so astute," Sebastian said dryly. Goran barked out a laugh.

"I learned at a very young age that the easiest way to be left alone to my own interests was to come across as thoroughly uninteresting. I found that people very quickly would grow tired at explaining everything to a fool, and would even go to great lengths to avoid one." He shrugged. "There were very few people I trusted enough to be my true self around."

"We spent quite a lot of time together as boys," Sebastian said, surprised that he could have been taken in by such a deception.

"Yes. But I did not _like_ you, Sebastian. I found you spoiled and vain and far more interested in carnal pleasure than intelligent conversation. You were, in short, one of the very people I wanted nothing to do with."

"Ah." Sebastian blinked and then stared at his cousin. He sounded _exactly_ like Grandfather. Though Grandfather had sought to push him away from those tendencies rather than just avoid him. But he had been rare in that. Goran had not been the only one to avoid his company as a youth. Would he never escape his past?

"It would seem, however," Goran said with a soft smile, "that we have both grown out of our childish ways." He eyed Sebastian speculatively. "Ask your questions, then, cousin. I will answer as best as I may."

"I have heard a few of your advisors mentioned with some frequency..."

"Yes, I do rely heavily on them, I confess. But they are all men _I_ chose. Men I have known, and who have known me, for all of my life. There are aspects of running Starkhaven that I was never trained for, and in those areas these men excel. I could not do it without their help, but I remember that Grandfather had a rather capable staff in his day as well. At the end of the day, they answer to me. None of their orders are carried out without my approval."

Sebastian nodded slowly. Goran spoke truly. No Prince had ruled without some sort of administrative staff to assist him. It was clear that Goran was confident these men were acting in  Starkhaven's best interests rather than their own. Given what he had seen of his cousin this evening, he was inclined to trust the man's judgment. He suddenly felt a strong wave of regret that he had not had the chance to know the real Goran when they were boys. He found he liked him rather quite a bit.

"If you had returned right after the deaths, Sebastian," Goran said quietly, cautiously, "I would have eagerly stepped aside to let you take the throne. But it has been many years, and I have found I have an aptitude for this. Starkhaven is stable, and prosperous, and her people are happy. After all of this time, do you mean to challenge my rule?"

His tone was friendly enough, there was no threat in it. But Sebastian saw in his cousin's eyes a determination that finalized his own decision once and for all. Goran would not give up Starkhaven without a fight, and from what Sebastian had seen, the man deserved his title. If Sebastian truly meant to act with the best interests of the people in mind, then there could be only one answer to Goran's question.

"No, cousin. I suppose I do not."

Goran eased himself back into his chair, a brief smile of relief flashing across his face.

"What will you do now?"

"I truly do not know. But I will find my way."

"Hmm. You know there are still those who would seek to overthrow me and install you on the throne for their own ends," Goran said after a moment.

"I have no intention of allowing them to do so."

"I believe you. I am not so sure they would. Or that they would care." Sebastian nodded.

"What would you have of me?"

"A formal declaration that you are giving up any claim to the throne would be helpful," Goran sighed.

"Of course," Sebastian agreed. Goran started to say something else and then hesitated. "Was there something else?"

"If people find out you are in the city, that you snuck in, disguised..."

Sebastian understood. It would lead people to the same conclusions that Goran had reached, or worse ones. At best it might stir up rumors that cast doubt on Goran's legitimacy. At worst, well...Sebastian had no desire to see that play out.

"I will leave on the morning tide," Sebastian promised.

"Thank you," Goran said, offering an embarrassed grin. "Although I find I am less eager to rid myself of your company this time around, I am relieved you understand." Sebastian smiled in return, amused to hear an echo of his own thoughts from the other man. "And the next time you feel the urge to return home, promise me you will notify me in advance, and we will do this properly, so that no one has cause to come to any erroneous conclusions."

"Of course," Sebastian promised.

Goran had one of his guards send for a clerk, as well as their captain. The guard was quite surprised (and more than a bit chagrined) to find that the Prince had a visitor in his rooms.  They chatted amiably while they waited and soon enough the clerk arrived and took down Sebastian's declaration that he had no intent to reclaim the throne. The Captain of the Guard arrived and Sebastian was surprised to realize he recognized the man. He was one of the very same guards who had escorted Sebastian to the Chantry in Kirkwall so many years ago. His presence made sense when Goran asked him to witness the document. Sebastian nodded in approval. Someone who had known him would make a far more credible witness to such a document.

As the first hint of dawn started creeping across the horizon, Sebastian remembered his parting words to Merrill. He needed to get back to the inn soon or she would fear the worst. When he made to leave, Goran insisted on having the captain escort him back to his inn and then the docks. Sebastian started to argue but stopped himself. It occurred to him that Goran needed to _know_ he had left the city, and this was the most polite way of achieving that.

"Ah, one last thing before you go," Goran said as they bid each other farewell. He handed Sebastian a thick pouch of coins and a heavy envelope.

"I can't accept--" Goran did not let him finish.

"You are still a Vael, Sebastian, and entitled to your share of the family's wealth. This coin should see you for a time, and the envelope bears letters of mark that will be honored anywhere in the Free Marches, and several places beyond. I'll see to it that an allowance as befits your role in the family is deposited into your accounts each year."

"Goran, this is really not necessary."

"Perhaps not, but allow me to do it nevertheless. Consider it my thanks for so graciously allowing me to keep my position." Sebastian sighed and nodded. It would be nice not to have to worry about money. He was pragmatic enough to see that.

"Thank you."

Goran nodded and retired to his rooms. Sebastian gestured to his escort and the guard led them out of the palace by a side gate. He smiled at that. No need to draw any more attention than necessary to his unexpected presence here. They walked in silence towards the inn where Merrill waited, and Sebastian felt a small burst of joy at that thought. It was short-lived, however. Satisfied though he was with the night's outcome, it did not take long for him to realize that he was once more without a purpose.

_Maker guide me._ He prayed, hoping for some clue as to where to go next.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And away from Starkhaven, on a new adventure our pair goes! Of course, Sebastian is still in a bit of an emotional turmoil from recent events.

Merill had tried to sleep after Sebastian left for the palace, but it would not come. Either Sebastian would be apprehended or claim his throne and not return, or he would be back before dawn and they would need to leave Starkhaven. So instead she had gotten up, washed briefly and dressed. Then she had gone through the room packing up their scattered belongings. She found Sebastian's scarf in her bag and felt a twinge of guilt that she had not yet given it to him. If he didn't return...

_No._ She told herself firmly. _There would be only one reason for him not to return_ or _send word. And he is better at sneaking than anyone would think. He won't be caught._

Even if he did decide to be a Prince again, she knew, he would at least send someone to _tell_ her. Surely after all this time he would at least say goodbye. She was fairly certain he had not given much thought to what would happen to her if he did choose to claim the throne. She doubted it had occurred to him that there would be no room for a Dalish blood mage in his court. She shook her head with a small smile. He had other things on his mind, of course. She understood.

Merrill placed the scarf carefully in the top of her bag once everything else had been packed. If he stayed, she would give it to him as a farewell gift, and if he left Starkhaven with her, then she could give it to him at any time. Otherwise...she sighed, not wanting to think about the possibility. He believed he would be able to get in unseen, and out if necessary. She would have to believe he was right in this.

Dawn was still several hours away by the time she had finished packing everything up. She had left her journal out though, so she lit a lamp with a flick of her hand and settled down at the table. The sound of a quill scratching filled the room as she set to work. Another story of her people, this one of the Dread Wolf, had occurred to her earlier in the day and she decided that she would write it down. She finished the tale with only two pages left in the book, so she decided to fill them with illustrations. Just as the first rays of sunlight began to creep in through the window, she set her quill down with a satisfied sigh and then straightened at the sound of footsteps in the hall outside the room.

There was no knock, just the sound of a key in the lock. Merrill relaxed a fraction. Surely none but Sebastian would have a key. The door opened slowly, quietly, and Merrill released a shaky breath when Sebastian cautiously stepped into the room. His eyes looked toward the bed first, but quickly moved to the light of the lamp and the table where Merrill sat. She offered him a small smile.

"I thought you might still be asleep," Sebastian said softly.

"Oh, I haven't been able to sleep a wink," Merrill confessed. She gestured to her journal. "I spent the night writing." A small smile flickered across Sebastian's face and she tilted her head to study him. His face was impassive, not giving away much in the way of emotion. She could not tell if he was relieved or disappointed or happy or sad, but.... Something in the set of his shoulders caught her attention. He seemed lighter, as if a long-carried burden was now gone. "Well?" She suspected she knew the answer to her question, but asked it anyway.

"My cousin and I have come to an agreement," Sebastian said as he stepped into the room. He looked back into the hallway for a second and then shut the door behind him, leaning against it. "The man he has become is not the boy I remembered. He _is_ ruling Starkhaven on his own, and well. It appears he makes quite an effective Prince, and he actually seems to _want_ the job, whereas--"

"Whereas _you_ don't." Merrill smiled. Sebastian blinked at her interruption.

"No," he said slowly. "I really don't." He seemed almost surprised by this statement, or perhaps by the truth of it. But after a moment he gave her a rakish grin. Merrill could not help but return it, she rather liked that smile. Quite a lot, in fact. His face turned serious when he spoke again. "I do not know what comes next, Merrill, but I promised Goran I would leave immediately. It would be inconvenient for him if it were to be discovered that I snuck into the city like this."

Merrill nodded and stood, gathering up her journal and quill. She put them back in her bag and shouldered it, then crossed the room to pick up Sebastian's bag and her staff.

"Well then," she said, trying to suppress a laugh at Sebastian's expression of surprise. She handed him his bag and he took it with a wry grin. "When do we leave?"

"Now, I suppose." Sebastian shook his head and then shouldered the bag. He walked around the room quickly to make sure nothing had been forgotten. He pulled the key from his pocket and set it on the table. They had paid for the room for two more days, so they did not need to wake the innkeeper before leaving. "Er, Merrill?" he said, turning back to look at her. He gestured at the lamp, which was not burning with a natural light.

"Oh! Right! Sorry!" Merrill hurried forward and dismissed the ball of light. She ignored Sebastian's heavy sigh as she did so. Now was not the time to debate her magic. She shot him an apologetic smile instead and his own expression softened a bit. He gestured toward the door and Merrill made her way out of the room.

A very large and grumpy looking shemlen stood in the hallway next to their door. He was dressed plainly, but he held himself very stiffly, much like Aveline's guards always did. When Merrill emerged from the room, he frowned at her, looking her over speculatively.

"Oh, hello!" Merrill greeted him cheerily. She turned back to Sebastian as he joined them in the hall, leaving the door open so that the inn's staff would know the room had been vacated. "You didn't tell me you brought a friend." Sebastian winced and looked as if he wanted very much to say something in response, but the other man spoke before he had the chance.

"Prince Goran wished me to see his royal cousin safely from the city," the man rumbled in a low voice. "He wished to bestow all due honor to a fellow son of Starkhaven."

Sebastian pursed his lips and Merrill thought he might be biting his tongue.

"Oh, that's nice," she said with a smile. "I would have thought he just wanted to make sure Sebastian left like he promised and didn't stay behind to cause trouble."

The guard blinked and Sebastian coughed. He raised a fist to his face to cover his mouth and Merrill noticed the edges of his lips were turned up in a smile. _Oh dear_. She tilted her head and looked between the two men. _I've said something I wasn't supposed to, haven't I?_

"Um, perhaps we should..." Sebastian gestured down the hallway, toward the back stairs.

The guard gave a sharp nod and Sebastian strode off toward the exit. Merrill trailed behind him and the guard brought up the rear of their little party. As they stepped out into the city, Sebastian raised the hood on his vest. It seemed he intended to hide himself until they were truly out of Starkhaven. The morning was cool enough that Merrill found herself wishing she had kept her cloak out rather than packing it. She settled for rearranging the scarf around her neck so that it was wrapped around her head as well. Her ears did get so very cold sometimes. It was almost enough to make her consider growing her hair out. Almost. The guard nodded in approval at their covered faces, clearly wanting to avoid attention. His eyes flicked to Merrill's staff but when he saw that she was using it as a walking stick he relaxed a fraction. It was plain enough to shemlen eyes, she knew, that most people did not take it for what it really was unless they were specifically looking for mages.

Near the docks, the city was just beginning to stir. Shops were opening up and a few people were making their way through the streets. Sebastian stopped to buy them each a meat pie for breakfast. He even bought one for the guard who accepted it with surprised thanks. The docks themselves were already bustling. Ships planning to leave with the rising sun were being loaded up with cargo, and dock workers scurried all around, keeping an eye on the controlled chaos.

Sebastian made his way straight to a man who seemed to be at the center of it all. He was dressed very finely and standing near a small podium upon which rested a very heavy book. He looked as if he thought he was very Busy and Important. Merrill had known Keepers to have that exact same look. She had never much cared for any of them. But it seemed that this man was who they needed to speak with in order to leave. Sebastian asked him a few questions while Merrill stood in the shadow of a nearby building with the guard, watching her surroundings. She noticed Sebastian slip a coin to the man before he turned back to join them and wondered why he was suddenly being so free with his coin.

"There is a ship leaving within the hour, heading east," Sebastian told her quietly. It has cargo but the captain also likes to take passengers. The Master of Ships believes that there are still a few vacancies."

"Oh, that's good then," Merrill said cautiously.

Sebastian smiled and nodded, gesturing for her to follow him. They made their way to the ship in question and quickly found the captain. Upon ascertaining that they wished to book passage he entered into a furious negotiation with Sebastian. Merrill couldn't be completely sure, but from the sparkle in Sebastian's eyes she rather thought he was letting the captain _think_ he was getting the better of their arrangement. The rest of his face certainly looked irritated. But his eyes...no. She was quite certain he was enjoying himself.

After a few moments they shook hands and Sebastian passed a coin purse to the man. He looked inside and stirred the contents with a finger before pulling the strings to shut it, a smug grin on his face. He pointed toward the ramp leading onto the ship and then strode off, calling out to someone further down the docks. Sebastian rejoined Merrill and the guard, his face finally breaking out into a grin.

"Well, we are set," he said. "If you are ready?" He looked at Merrill and she nodded. Sebastian turned to the guard and said in a low voice, "Thank you, Rodrick." The guard grunted. In a soft voice, Sebastian added, "You may tell my cousin that I do not intend to return any time soon. But I shall write first to let him know before I do."

"Of course,  your Highness," the guard rumbled. Sebastian seemed taken aback by the address but he did not say anything. Rodrick seemed to hesitate for a moment but then he spoke again. "Be safe in your travels." He bowed his head slightly.

"Thank you," Sebastian said again, so softly Merrill almost did not hear. She had the distinct feeling that she had missed something important in the exchange. But she was not given much chance to ponder what it might be. Sebastian offered her his arm and led her to the ship. As they reached the deck and turned for where she assumed the passenger cabins to be, Sebastian spoke quietly to her. "I hope you do not mind sharing a cabin again, Merrill. He had single rooms, but on ships like these they tend to be even smaller than on our last vessel. I thought it worth the price to get a larger cabin we could share and have room to actually _breathe_ in."

"I do not mind sharing, _lethallin_." She patted his arm with her free hand. "I have no wish to be crammed into a tiny space for days on end." Besides, she was so used to being in close proximity to him, she was not sure how she would handle her own room. But she did not say that part out loud. Sebastian seemed to relax at her assurance, and he placed a hand over hers as he led her down into the ship.

Sebastian seemed to know where he was going, so Merrill guessed the captain had told him where to go. That seemed to be proven correct when he turned down a narrow hall and began counting the doors. There were six along one side and three along the other. He pushed open the middle door in the row of three and held it open for her to enter first. Merrill set her pack down against the wall and looked around as Sebastian entered behind her, shutting the door and dropping a bar across it. The cabin was a definite improvement on the last they had shared, though it was perhaps only twice as large. Still, it was enough that it had an actual bed built into the far wall under a porthole, along with a real table bolted down along a side wall. Two clever folding stools hung on the wall next to the table and Merrill drifted over to examine them.

"Maker," Sebastian sighed behind her. She heard him drop his pack to the floor, then a rustle she assumed was him removing his vest. "It has been a long night. If you don't mind, Merrill, I am going to try to get some sleep until the cabin boy brings our lunch.

"Oh, that sounds like an excellent idea," Merrill agreed, turning around again. "I think I might do the same."

Sebastian gave her a tired smile and nodded. He moved toward the bed and then stopped after two steps, staring at it with a small frown on his face. He glanced around the room, his brow drawn in confusion.

" _Lethallin_?"

"There's only one bed."

"So there is."

"I told the captain I needed a room for two." The frown deepened.

"Did you tell him you wanted two _beds_?" Merrill fought back the smile she felt trying to form. She did not think Sebastian would appreciate it at the moment. He really was exhausted, she could see.

"I--no." His face flushed with embarrassment. "It is no matter. I will take the floor."

"Oh don't be silly. We've been sharing a bed for days."

"That bed was much larger," Sebastian pointed out. He was not wrong. They would both fit on this one, she judged, but it would be a close thing. She rolled her eyes and gently pushed him toward the bed.

"You worry too much. Come, you are tired. We both are. Let us sleep. We can worry later."

A sheepish smile, followed by a sigh and then a nod. Sebastian sat on the edge of the bed and began tugging off his boots. Merrill patted him on the shoulder and crawled past him, stretching out next to the wall. She did not bother with the covers, just lay down and closed her eyes, letting her body be lulled by the gentle rocking of the ship. After a few moments she felt Sebastian settle next to her, his warmth a comforting presence. It did not take very long for his breathing to even out as he quickly dropped off. A small smile played across her lips as she fell asleep shortly after him.

Sebastian and Merrill slept right through the ship pulling away from the docks and setting off down the Minanter. The sleepless night had taken its toll on both of them, and they did not wake until there was a knock on the cabin door at midday. At the sound, Sebastian scrambled hastily off the bed and went to greet the cabin boy. He turned away from the door with a tray that he carried over to the table while Merrill sat up and stretched. She felt much better for the nap, and she thought Sebastian might as well. He seemed in slightly better spirits, at least.

"Well, it's nothing fancy," he said as he surveyed the contents of the tray, "but it should suffice nonetheless."

Merrill slid off the bed and padded over to the table while Sebastian pulled the stools from the wall and set one up for her. She accepted it gratefully and sat, looking at their meal eagerly. Bread, cheese, and some cured ham, accompanied by a small pile of fresh fruit and a flagon of wine. Sebastian noted her surprise at the fruit and chuckled.

"I doubt we'll be seeing any more of that after tonight or tomorrow, at least not until after we make port again. Still, it's nice to know that it's on offer when available, yes?"

Merrill nodded her agreement and they tucked in to the meal. She watched him thoughtfully as they ate, noting that he seemed relaxed in a way that he hadn't ever been in her memory. It suited him, she thought. Perhaps without needing to worry about Starkhaven he would finally be able to find his own path.

"Where are we headed?" She asked once she had finished eating. "I don't think you said."

"I didn't," Sebastian agreed with a smile. "Knowing that we were headed east was enough information for me to give Rodrick, and by extension, Goran. I did not think he needed to know our actual destination. Just because he allowed me to leave amiably enough does not mean he won't still consider me something of a threat."

"Oh? Did you threaten him, then?" Merrill's eyes widened with her question. "That's not very nice. I'm surprised he let you leave at all."

"No!" Sebastian's answer was half a protest, half a laugh. He shook his head. "I didn't threaten him, although after my outburst in Kirkwall," his face darkened just a twinge but he took a deep breath and kept on, "well, I think he expected me to, or at least considered it a likely possibility. I am not sure I blame him for thinking that."

Merrill tilted her head, curious, and Sebastian turned on his stool so that he could lean back against the wall, stretching his legs out into the cabin. He settled in and finally told her the details about his visit to the palace, and his talk with his cousin. She noted with amusement his pride that although Goran had expected him, Sebastian had still managed to enter both the city and the palace without his cousin's knowledge.

"So you see," Sebastian shrugged as he finished recounting the events of the night before, "while he knows that I do not personally mean any threat to his rule or his person, there are still people who might try to use my continued existence to their advantage."

"But you would never let someone do that!"

"No, I wouldn't." Sebastian agreed with a small smile. "But that doesn't mean that Goran will stop worrying about it. He'll do his best to keep track of me, I have no doubt. If he knows where I am, then he can better watch for any possible threat."

"But you said you didn't want him to know where we're going." Merrill bit her lip, wondering if she had misunderstood.

"I don't mean to cause Goran any undue stress," Sebastian said with a soft sigh, "but nor do I intend to live the rest of my days under scrutiny." His face scrunched up in distaste. "I had enough of that when I was a boy. It did not end well." He sighed again, sitting up and raking his fingers through his hair. Merrill watched the movement, noticing that already the darkened strands were starting to fade back to something more closely resembling their usual color. "I have the letters of mark that he gave to me," Sebastian said wryly. "I am sure he will get reports on when I access my accounts. Hopefully that will be enough to keep him content as to my whereabouts."

"I suppose," Merrill said. "So...where _are_ we going?"

"Ah, forgive me. This ship is bound for Bastion. The captain said we will make port once or twice before we reach it, and we have the option of getting off if any of those stops look appealing, but I have paid for passage until the final destination." Merrill nodded. She thought she remembered where Bastion was from Isabela's maps. "After that," Sebastian shrugged. "Who knows? I honestly don't know what to do with myself now, Merrill."

"Could you--maybe you could find another Chantry where no one knows you? You seemed to enjoy the work very much."

"Did I?" Sebastian looked thoughtful. "I suppose I that is so. Serving the Chantry gave me a purpose I had always been lacking, and helping others is always a worthwhile endeavor. But..." He shook his head. "No. I could never feel right about lying just to be able to be part of a Chantry again, and eventually I would be found out. Now that I have officially renounced the throne, I do not know that I will be so lucky to escape prosecution if I deliver myself into Chantry hands again. No, if I am to serve the Maker, I must do it in some other way."

"Perhaps you could work in a brothel?"

"What?" Sebastian stared at her in shock.

"I was just thinking you should find something you enjoy doing. Before you joined the Chantry, isn't that what you enjoyed the most?" She tried to keep her mouth from twitching into a smile, but it was quite difficult in the face of Sebastian's expression. After a moment she couldn't help herself and a giggle escaped. Sebastian's eyes narrowed when he realized she had been teasing him.

"Oh, don't look at me like that, _lethallin_. It seems to me you have plenty of time to figure out what it is you want to do, especially now that you don't have to worry about coin." She shrugged and spread her hands. "Think on what it is that you truly enjoy doing, and I am sure that will show you to your new path."

A small voice reminded her that she was not the best person to be giving out such advice at the moment but she shushed it. Sebastian did not need commiseration right now, he needed assurances. Even she could see that.

"I suppose you are right," Sebastian said with a thoughtful nod. "I will consider it, at least."

"Well that's good then." She stood and stretched again, looking around the cabin. "I could do with some fresh air. Do you think we're allowed to go above deck?"

"There is a designated passenger section of the deck," Sebastian said with a smile. "Let us go look for it. You might want to grab your cloak though, it is likely to be chilly up top."

"Oh! That reminds me!" Merrill turned for her pack, reaching for the scarf she had made him. She retrieved it from the top of her belongings and held it out to Sebastian. He extended a hand to take it, his face lighting up as he stroked the soft wool.

"What is this?"

"A very late name day present?" Merrill suggested helpfully. "I finished it before we got to Starkhaven but I have been forgetting to actually give it to you. I forgot I had even bought the wool until after we left Kirkwall and I found it in my pack."

"You _made_ this for me?" Sebastian unfolded the scarf and looked it over with a surprised smile. He wrapped it around his neck and Merrill nodded happily.

"Oh yes. When I saw that wool in the market, it matched your eyes so well, and I knew your name day was coming up, so I _had_ to get it. I'm only sorry it took me so long to get to you. I'd forget my head if it wasn't attached, some days," she admitted with a shrug.

"You meant to make this for me before we even left Kirkwall?" Sebastian looked at her sharply, he seemed taken aback by that fact more than anything else.

"Yes?" She did not know why it mattered.

She gave a surprised squawk when Sebastian wrapped her up in a sudden and fierce hug. She reached up awkwardly to pat him on the back, unsure if she should say anything.

"Thank you, Merrill," he whispered. "You have been a far better friend than I could have ever hoped for. Or deserved." He let her go and took a step back, avoiding her eyes.

"Oh don't be silly," she said, reaching up and patting his shoulder. "We all deserve friends. You no less than anyone else. You have always been kind to me, Sebastian. Why wouldn't I repay you with the same courtesy?" She turned back to her bag and rummaged around for her cloak. Settling it upon her shoulders and pulling up the hood, she shot him a fond look. "Well. Now that we're all cozy, shall we go take that walk?"

"Of course," Sebastian said softly. He seemed to have recovered his composure and Merrill was glad to see it. He offered her his elbow and she took it as they exited the cabin and made their way above.

As the next few days passed, Merrill started to worry about Sebastian. She knew he was feeling a little adrift after deciding to leave Starkhaven, but she was certain that he was sure of the decision. Happy in it, even. Yet the farther the river carried them away, the sadder he seemed to become. He spent almost all of his time in the cabin, only venturing out for short walks above deck when Merrill urged him to get out for a bit. If left to his own devices, however, he paced all day, or oiled his bow, polished his knives, checked the fletching on his arrows. A handful of little mindless routines that he did over and over, as if he was trying to take comfort in the familiar, or lose himself in the tasks so he would not have to actually think.

Merrill tried to help keep him distracted. She offered to teach him how to knit, thinking it might give him something to do with his hands, but he declined. Which was probably for the best, considering she hadn't any more wool. She told him more of the stories of her people, and while he did sit through them politely, she knew he was not really listening. She tried giving him some space, switching the roles they had taken on their previous ship and spending much of her time outside of the cabin. But she could not help but feel that she was abandoning him when she did this, so she never stayed away as long as she meant to.

On the evening of their fourth day on the ship, she returned from a walk to find him sitting on the edge of the bed in the dark cabin, staring off into space. He had not even bothered to light a lamp when the sun set. Merrill removed her cloak and called a small ball of light to illuminate the room. Sebastian blinked at the brightness and looked at her with a small frown but did not say anything. That was not a good sign. Usually he could be counted on to say _something_ if she used magic where he was afraid someone might find out. On the ship that seemed to mean always.

" _Lethallin_ , I know that you feel lost," she said softly, sitting down beside him on the edge of the bed. "But you cannot continue on like this." She placed a tentative hand on his shoulder. He sighed and squeezed her hand before standing, beginning to pace in the small space.

"I know Merrill, I am sorry. I have not been any fit company for you these last few days at all."

"I am just worried about you."

"So am I."

"Oh?" She tilted her head, hoping he would explain.

"I am not meant to be idle," he said coming to a stop in the middle of the room. He ran a hand through his hair and looked around, glancing at Merrill occasionally but not meeting her eyes. "When I was younger, I had little in the way of responsibility because I was the third son, and I was a poorer man for it. I would not become like that again."

"Of course you won't!” Merrill exclaimed, rising to stand in front of him. "You are a _good_ man, Sebastian. Surely you must know this."

"I wasn't always," he said softly, looking down to meet her eyes at last, a small frown on his face.

"That was then."

"Yes. But have I really changed so much?" His frown deepened. "The rage I felt when my family was murdered, that drive to seek vengeance, to see the guilty _pay_. My threats to raze Kirkwall to the ground because of one man's actions," he shook his head. "All I could see was red. If I had been able to act immediately..." He sighed deeply. "I fear all of my time in the Chantry has been for naught. I am no better than I ever was." He looked away, swallowing deeply.

"Oh _lethallin_ ," Merrill sighed. She reached up to turn his face back to her. "You don't really believe that. If you did, you wouldn't be so worried about going back to your old ways." He tilted his head, his brow furrowing as he considered her words. "Is this what has you all tied up? You're afraid you'll become what you were?" He nodded slowly. "It will never happen," Merrill smiled. "You've been through too much to go back to being the boy you were. Even I can see that, I don't know why you can't."

Sebastian blinked at her for a moment and then he laughed and gave her a hug. She smiled into his shoulder, enjoying the sound of his laughter. It suited him much better than brooding. That was best left to Fenris.

"Merrill, one day I will finally learn to stop underestimating you." He said softly. Her smile widened. She liked that promise. It made it sound as if he meant to keep traveling with her for some time yet to come. The thought filled her with a warm flush, right down to her toes. That was interesting. He pulled back, his hands on her shoulders, and peered into her eyes, his face serious, but the sadness mostly gone. "Promise me that you won't let me get too wrapped up in my own thoughts anymore? You will call me out again and make me _talk_ to you about my worries instead of bottling them up, won't you?"

"Oh! Of course, if that is what you want. I only want you to be happy."

He nodded and smiled at her. Merrill's gaze drifted, and she found herself staring at his mouth. The warm feeling was still there, more intense where his hands rested on her shoulders, but it was also starting to pool below her belly. Oh. Oh! She hadn't felt a stirring like this in, well, _years_ , really. She blinked, a bit dazed at the intensity of it, and saw Sebastian's lips move, realized he was saying something. She thought it was "thank you" but she wasn't really listening. Instead she was very much wondering how he would react if she kissed him.

It seemed entirely worth trying it to see.

Merrill took a step forward and reached up, placing her palms on Sebastian's cheeks. Before he could react to this, she stretched up on her toes and tugged him down just enough so that his lips met hers. Sebastian froze, and for the briefest fraction of a second Merrill feared she had made a horrible mistake. She pulled back and took in his shocked expression, eyes wide with disbelief.

"Should I not have done that?" She bit her bottom lip. "I'm sorry, only I found myself wondering what you might taste like, and--"

"Again." Sebastian whispered.

"What?"

"Kiss me again, Merrill."

"Oh! Certainly!" She grinned and then stretched up again, sliding her fingers behind his neck.

This time his lips met hers eagerly and she sighed as he pulled her tightly against himself. She ran her tongue along his bottom lip and he opened his mouth to let it in, his own tongue sliding forward to tangle with hers. His hands slid from her shoulders down her back, circling her waist. She pressed her body even closer to his, letting her fingers tangle in his hair.

She pulled back, breaking the kiss to catch her breath for a moment, and Sebastian growled, trying to follow her, to keep in contact. The sound sent shivers running through her body and she let him capture her lips again. She realized that his hands had left her waist and were tugging at her belt, working to undo the knot and then working the buckle open. Once he had tossed that to the floor, he pulled off her scarf, then pushed the mantle off of her shoulders.

Merrill grinned and loosened the laces of his shirt, forcing him to pause in undoing the buckles of her tunic so that she could pull the shirt over his head. It joined her discarded clothes in a tangled pile on the floor. Before Sebastian could attack her buckles again, she laughed and tugged on his gauntlets. He hastily undid them and she removed her own, then she got distracted by his chest and she just...had to... _touch_. Oh, he felt so nice. Warm and solid and goodness, the sound he made when she ran her fingers through the smattering of hair that covered the muscles. She ran them through the curls again, just so he would make the sound once more.

He renewed his attempts to remove her tunic and it quickly joined the growing pile. Then he stepped back and examined her mail, trailing his fingers along the laces at the side, trying to determine where to start.

"I have never realized before just how bloody complicated your clothing is," he muttered and Merrill couldn't help but laugh.

"Let me," she whispered, bouncing up for a quick kiss before stepping back and unfastening her leg wrappings. Sebastian watched her as she stripped down until she stood only in her smalls. He stared at her as she stood before him, his eyes roving over her body, only one small article of clothing left to cover her nudity, as she never bothered with a breast band. The intensity of his gaze sent shivers of desire rippling across her skin. Slowly, she undid the ties at the side of her smalls,  "I think it's your turn, now," she whispered again, looking up at him, not bothering to mask her own want.

Sebastian started and then hastily undid the laces of his pants, pushing them down and kicking them aside. His smalls quickly joined them and then he was closing the distance between them, crushing Merrill to him in another searing kiss. Her skin sang where it touched his and she moaned as he picked her up and moved her to the bed. He lay down beside her and they rolled on their sides so that they were facing one another, their hands exploring for a few long moments.

Sebastian gently urged Merrill onto her back and he leaned over to take one of her breasts in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the nipple. She cried out and he moved a hand to the other breast, cupping it and thumbing that nipple as well. Then he moved back up to kiss her again, delving her mouth with his tongue, and one of his hands ghosted a trail down her body, along her stomach and then lower.

Merrill cupped a hand behind Sebastian's neck, pulling him closer, sliding her tongue into his mouth as his fingers slowly entered her. As he worked first one, then two, fingers inside of her, her head dropped back into the pillow. His thumb circled that sensitive bundle of flesh and she could feel her orgasm building. Creators, she hadn't felt this good in forever! She forced her eyes to open and met Sebastian's beautiful blue gaze, sparkling down at her, accompanied by a _very_ mischievous grin. He worked in a third finger and she cried out, clenching the covers with her free hand. She was so very close, and those clever slender fingers felt so good but they weren't _enough_. It was not those fingers she wanted inside of her.

Merrill pushed at his shoulder, shifting so that his fingers slipped out of her. He raised an eyebrow in concern but she just smiled and guided him to lie back, sitting up and then climbing on top of him. She straddled his legs and took hold of his cock, sinking down on him with a blissful moan. Sebastian let loose a strangled cry as she took him in, his eyes widening in surprise, but then Merrill began to move, rocking her hips, and his grin returned. He began to thrust into her, timing his movements with her own, and Merrill had to bite her lip to keep from screaming. She felt full almost to bursting. She had never been with a human before and Sebastian was not a small man by anyone's standards. Oh but it was perfect and she laughed as she leaned down to kiss him. One of his hands moved away from her hip and then those clever fingers were back, playing with that bundle of nerves and she began to move faster and so did he and when she cried out her release she didn't care one bit if the entire _ship_ heard her. Then Sebastian was crying out as well and then they both slowed, stilling, coming to a stop, their heavy breathing the only sound in the cabin. Merrill didn't climb off of Sebastian so much as she more fell off of him, but that was alright.  He pulled her up close and she slid a leg between his and he kissed her neck softly, then her cheek, then her lips.

"Maker, Merrill," he breathed, settling into the bed, giving her a brief squeeze as she snuggled into his side.

"Mmm," she agreed. She kissed his arm, which was the closest bit she could reach without actually moving. They lay curled up together in satisfied silence, soon enough lulled to sleep by the rocking of the ship.


	7. Chapter 7

Sebastian woke slowly the next morning, feeling inexplicably pleased with himself for a few moments. Then he recognized the warm pressure against his side for the press of another body and his eyes snapped open. The events of the previous night came crashing back to him in a tangle of memories and he drew a sharp breath.

_Maker forgive me, what have I done?_

He glanced down to see Merrill's head pillowed on his chest, a small satisfied smile on her face. At some point during the night one of them had pulled out a blanket to cover their bodies, but they had made no other moves to cover their nakedness. Merrill was currently wrapped around him, a soft comfortable tangle of limbs snuggled up against his side. A small part of him reveled in the feeling, thinking it was a rather nice way to wake up. He quickly pushed those thoughts down.

_I'll just get up and get dressed,_ he told himself, _and go take a walk on the deck and give her plenty of time to wake up and get dressed herself. By the time I come back we will both be awake enough for a rational conversation and maybe I'll have found some way to apologize that she'll accept._

As he was considering the best way to extricate himself from Merrill's arms, however, she stirred. He glanced down in time to see those wide moss green eyes blink open. She caught his gaze and smiled, rolling away and stretching in the bed. The cover went with her when she moved and Sebastian scrambled to keep a bit over his midsection.

"Mmm, good morning _lethallin_." She turned back toward him and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. She was frowning when she pulled back though. She glanced down at her hand, resting over Sebastian's racing heart, and then back up to his face. "Are you alright?"

She sat up, crossing her legs and leaning back against the wall. The cover fell away from her completely, revealing an expanse of pale skin that Sebastian found nearly impossible to avoid staring at. The faint golden light coming in from the porthole next to her certainly didn't help matters. She looked positively ethereal in its glow. He managed to keep his eyes locked on her face though. Keeping hold of the cover, he scrambled backward until he was sitting up against the other wall of the corner.

"Merill, last night..."

"Mmm," The sound was practically a purr. Sebastian tried ardently to ignore what it did to his body. "Yes, last night," Merrill grinned. She started to lean forward, reaching out, but she stopped herself with another frown when Sebastian pressed back closer into the wall. " _Lethallin_? Is that what's bothering you? Did I--did I do something wrong? Oh, I did didn't I? I broke some human taboo and now I've made things horribly awkward." She sighed and sat back, muttering a curse in elvish under her breath. Sebastian blinked.

"No, Merrill. You didn't do anything wrong. It was..." He trailed off, trying to think of an appropriate description to offer. His traitorous mind suggested a few words: _amazing, perfect, wonderful_. He shook his head, trying to silence the thoughts. "Last night shouldn't have happened at all," he sighed.

"Oh?"  She tilted her head, confusion clear on her face. "We don't have to do it again if you don't want to." She shrugged. "It's a pity though," a quick grin was directed at him. "I had quite a lot of fun."

Sebastian blushed. Oh, why couldn't it have been anyone other than Merrill? He should have kept better control over himself, not let his baser nature take over. After so long of being in her company, so often near her, learning to trust her...at some point it had turned into _wanting_ her. When she had kissed him it had all just rushed to the surface and he had given into it like an utter fool.

Forgetting about keeping himself covered, Sebastian slid from the bed and began to pace around the small cabin. He heard a rustle behind him as Merrill scooted forward on the bed, felt her eyes watching him move as he tried to think through the situation. Obviously Merrill was not so innocent as she let everyone assume, that had become clear after their first week of travel together. But still, he knew that in her heart she longed to return to her people. She had expressed enough curiosity in his past exploits, it was true, and she was clearly willing enough for a tryst with a human. But he knew better than think she would want more than that. Maker! They hadn't even taken any precautions against conception! He stopped short as that realization hit him. He was cursing himself for ten kinds of idiot when Merrill spoke up again in a small sad voice.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"What?" His question was barely more than a whisper. He turned to stare at her in surprise. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, her knees drawn up to her chin, arms wrapped around her legs. Her eyes were wide with concern.

"We're supposed to make the next port today, aren't we? I can leave if that's what you want." She sounded so very sad. Sebastian's heart clenched in fear at the thought of her going.

"No!" Merrill jumped a little at his sudden volume. "No, please," he said quietly, stretching out a hand to her. "I don't want that."

"Then tell me what is wrong, _lethallin_ , please. I don't understand why you are so upset. I thought we both enjoyed ourselves last night."

"We did, Merrill, _I_ did. It's just that, we shouldn't have! It's not fair to either one of us, don't you see? I don't want to be like I was before, just bedding anyone I find attractive!"

"I know that." She shot him a look that suggested she thought he was behaving in a particularly stupid fashion. She tilted her head to one side. "I thought," she bit her bottom lip for a second, hesitating before continuing, "I thought maybe you and I might...just after all the time we've spent together, and we've grown so close, I thought. I...I've come to care for you, Sebastian, and I thought.... Creators! I'm rambling again." She looked away, biting her lip again.

Sebastian felt a sudden burst of warmth rush through his body. _Oh!_ Could she be saying what he thought she was saying? A wide grin was fighting to break through on his face. He held it in check for the moment, savoring the happiness her words had caused. Cautiously he stepped back toward the bed and sat down next to her. He placed a hand gently on her back and Merrill looked over her shoulder at him. Sebastian let some of his smile through and she relaxed visibly.

"I care for you too, Merrill," he said softly. "I did not think you would want...not with me."

Merrill sighed and turned to face him. Her face was scrunched up in a look of frustration and she shook her head. Placing a hand on his cheek, she leaned in so that their foreheads touched.

"The last thing I would wish to do would be to set you back down the path to your old ways," she said quietly. "I am quite...fond of you the way you are." Sebastian's eyes slid closed and he sighed in relief. "Even if you have been acting rather a bit foolish since we got on this ship," she added. Hearing the hint of laughter in her voice, he opened his eyes once more and found that her face had smoothed out and she was smiling.

"Forgive me?" He whispered, leaning in to press a quick kiss to her lips.

"There is nothing to forgive. It isn't as if you don't have an excuse, I suppose." She sat back, her expression turning serious. "We are both a bit lost, aren't we? We've been traveling together, each trying to find our path, but we haven't been _looking_ together. Maybe it's time we start?" There was a hopeful note in her voice and it was answered by the whirl of Sebastian's emotions.

"I think I'd like that very much," he answered.

"Oh good."

Merrill scooted closer to him and wrapped her arms around him in a fierce hug. Sebastian was suddenly once more aware of how very unclothed they both were. Instead of panicking, however, this time the knowledge caused a slow grin to spread across his face. He bent down to kiss her again, a more heated kiss, and she sighed happily as her lips parted to allow entrance to his probing tongue. He drew her into his lap, running his hands up her sides, down her legs, through her hair, touching her everywhere he could reach.

Merrill ran her hands along his body as well, often stopping to card her fingers through the hair covering much of it. She seemed fascinated by his body hair, which he supposed made sense if she'd only been with elves before. He had been shocked enough the first time he'd bedded an elf, to learn that most had hardly any body hair to speak of. That line of thought brought up another old memory from the long repressed recesses of his mind. He slid a hand up Merrill's neck and then very lightly traced the shell of one of her slender ears. The touch caused her to shiver and she loosed a throaty moan. One of her hands dropped to his lap and she stroked his cock just as lightly as he had touched her ear before taking him more firmly in hand.

Which was, of course, when they were interrupted by a knock at the door. Sebastian growled in frustration, and Merrill giggled in response. He shot her a baleful look as she scrambled off his lap and wrapped a blanket around herself, tossing the sheet at him as she made her way to the door. Sebastian quickly covered up and then hastily moved out of the line of sight of the door as Merrill opened it, though she only cracked it enough to accept the tray from the cabin boy. There was a murmur from the hall and Merrill offered thanks for the delivery.

" _Lethallin_ , you look like someone kicked your favorite puppy," Merrill laughed as she leaned back against the door once it was shut again.

Sebastian cleared his throat and shot her a sheepish grin. Then he sighed and stood up, tossing the sheet back on the bed and searching for his smalls. Merrill set the tray on the table and took down the stools, seeming content to remain naked. Sebastian would be lying if he claimed to mind.

"It's probably for the best," he sighed as he joined her at the table. "We shouldn't do anything further until we've had a chance to acquire some, ah, supplies."

"Supplies?" Merrill looked at him curiously as she bit into a biscuit.

"For, erm, prevention." Sebastian cleared his throat again. "It's quite fortunate that we'll make port today, actually," he said, reaching for a biscuit of his own. "We can run ashore while we're docked and pick up what we need." Merrill's eyes widened slightly as comprehension dawned.

"Oh! Yes, I suppose that would be a good idea. Goodness, can you just imagine me with a babe? I wouldn't have the first clue what to do with one," she smiled in amusement at the thought.

An image bloomed in Sebastian's mind of Merrill holding a small bundle in her arms, cooing down at it and singing in elvish. In his mind's eye, the infant had dark hair and bright blue eyes. He smiled at the image, then tried to push it aside. It was foolish to think about such things. Especially when this was so extremely new. Although, after the night before, it was not impossible...no. Better not to dwell on it unless need arose.

"I am sure you would manage quite well," he told her softly, taking a piece of cheese from the tray.

"Hmm. I suppose." She shrugged and then smiled. They ate in silence for a few moments and then Merrill smiled again, this one much more mischievous than the last. "We should be sure to stock up on 'supplies' though, just to be safe. It is a long way to Bastion, after all." Sebastian laughed in delight.

"I believe I like the way you think, my dear."

"Oh, that's good!" She said earnestly. "Honestly I think most people just find me confusing."

Well, that was probably true. Merrill certainly did take some getting used to. But, now that he did know her, Sebastian would fight anyone who tried to claim it wasn't worth the effort. A small part of him lamented that they had lost so much time in Kirkwall, all of those years of acquaintance with no attempt to be anything more. But with their places in Hawke's circle, and in Kirkwall itself, could there have really been any chance of things turning out as they had now? In so many ways, they were both different people now than they had been back there. He shook his head, dismissing the dour thoughts, and looked up to find Merrill watching him with curiosity.

"That is their loss then," he told her, reaching out to place a hand over hers where it rested on the table.

She turned a very pretty shade of pink at the words, the flush spreading all the way to her ears, and across her chest. Realizing he was actually welcome to look now, he let his eyes follow the spread of color, then flicked them back to hers, only to realize she had been watching him look. The corners of her lips were quirked up and her eyes were dark.

"You know," she said lightly, turning over her hand so she could lace her fingers through his. "I could swear I overheard yesterday that we wouldn't be making port until after noon." She looked down at their twined fingers and then back into his eyes. "I'm sure there are _plenty_ of things we could find to do until then that wouldn't lead to a babe."

She stood, still holding his hand, and walked around the table, leaning down to kiss a trail up his neck and across his chin to his mouth. Sebastian grinned at her when she pulled back.

"What was that I was just saying?"

"That you like the way I think?"

"Mmhmm. Absolutely adore it, in fact."

Merrill laughed and tugged him from the chair, pulling him back to their mess of a bed. She quickly undid the laces of his smalls, letting them fall to the floor for Sebastian to kick away. She placed her hands lightly on his hips and urged him to sit on the edge of the bed, sinking down to her knees between his legs. Sebastian's breath caught as she began mouthing at his cock, swirling her tongue around the head and up along the shaft. When she swallowed him down and hummed, he yelped and his hips bucked forward. Merrill hastily pulled back, letting him slide out of her mouth with a wet pop. Sebastian offered her a shaky grin.

"My apologies," he whispered. "It has been a very long time and I was not quite ready for--"

"No, no, it's alright," Merrill smiled up at him. "It has been quite a while for me as well, and you're much larger than--" She broke off with a blush and Sebastian pulled at her hands, tugging her up and guiding her to sit in his lap.

"We're a bit of a hopeless pair, aren't we?" He murmured, brushing a kiss across her temple. Merrill sighed and draped her arms around his neck, leaning into him.

"Oh, I wouldn't call us hopeless," she said in an amused tone. "We'll just require lots of practice to get back up to the proper standards."

"Mmm." Sebastian nuzzled at her neck, nipping on her collar bone. "I think that sounds like an excellent plan. He slid his hands up her back, pulling her down so he could capture her lips for a kiss. "If I might make a suggestion?"

Merrill nodded eagerly, and pulled back to look at him expectantly. Her eyes were wide with anticipation and Sebastian leaned forward to kiss the tip of her nose. He wondered how in the world he could have ever failed to notice just how adorable this woman was. Merrill complied as he guided her back down to the bed, settling her against the pillows. He leaned down to kiss her again and she sighed into his lips, her body relaxing completely into his touches as his hands wandered across her skin.

Sebastian pulled back, kissing a line down the column of her neck. He tweaked her nipples with his fingers, moving to take one breast in his mouth briefly, and then the other. Then he was sliding down her body again, licking a trail from between her breasts to her navel, dipping his tongue in it before continuing on.

"Oh!" Merrill breathed as he settled between her legs, pushing her thighs gently to spread them further apart.

He blew lightly at her sex and she shivered, bringing a satisfied grin to his face. He stroked at the folds lightly, pleased to find them slick already. Merrill hummed happily and Sebastian leaned forward. Using his fingers to hold her open, he licked a wide swath up her folds, swirling his tongue around her clit. Merrill's body jolted at this, but she was pinned by his arms and couldn't buck too much. He grinned and began to work his tongue inside of her, darting it in and out, savoring her moans and relishing in the tangy taste and musky heady scent of her. He worked two fingers inside of her, his tongue sliding up to her clit, swirling around it, sucking at it and causing her to shake. She rocked against him, moving into his tongue and fingers, crying out and clutching at the sheet underneath her writhing body. Sebastian worked a third finger into her, thrusting them and curling them inside of her. He groaned when Merrill's release washed over her, her cries of pleasure going straight to his cock.

He lapped at her softly, gentling her through the aftershocks of her orgasm, and then withdrew from between her legs. Sitting up, he scrambled to lean against the wall. Taking himself firmly in hand, he began to stroke quickly, frantically, swiftly bringing himself off as well. His head had fallen back and his eyes closed when he came, but as he opened them again he found Merrill propped up on one elbow, watching him with wide eyes. With great effort, she pulled herself the rest of the way up and crawled over to lean against the wall next to him. She kissed his shoulder and then dropped her head onto it, giving a very satisfied sigh.

Sebastian slid an arm around her waist, turning to press a kiss onto the top of her head, and they sat like that for a few long moments, recovering from their exertions.

"I rather believe I like the way you think as well, Sebastian," Merrill whispered at last. Sebastian chuckled and hugged her to him.

"I suppose we should probably clean up a bit before we make port," Sebastian said after a while.

"Mmm. Probably so." Merrill agreed.

They sat for a few moments longer and then dragged themselves off the bed, making it up as best they could. Sebastian fetched wash cloths and poured water from their pitcher into a basin so they could wash off. Once they were mostly cleaned up, Merrill opened the porthole in an attempt to air out the room a bit. They slowly got dressed, helping each other fasten buckles and laces and taking lots of pauses for kisses and touches and lingering stares.

Sebastian knew he was probably grinning like a fool. Very few of his past encounters had come with such lazy enjoyment of each other afterwards, or the waking up in each other's arms, even. He had never really been one for sticking around longer than necessary, nor had most of the lovers he had taken. This thing with Merrill, new as it was, looked to be a whole different kind of relationship than anything he had ever experienced, and he could not help but look forward to more of it. For her part, Merrill seemed equally happy. She giggled often throughout the morning, and kept finding excuses to touch him. A satisfied smile seemed to have taken up permanent residence on her face and he rather thought it suited her.

They made port at a largish village just as Merrill and Sebastian were finishing up their lunch. Donning their cloaks, they went above deck to find the captain and let him know they wished to visit the village. He grunted that they had two hours to get back to the ship, if they hadn't returned by then, he wouldn't wait on them. Eyeing the village as they descended the ramp to the dock, Sebastian didn't think he had to worry about losing track of time.

It was large for a village, but very small when considered against most towns or cities. Beyond the village, he could make out a great stretch of pasture and farmland. The buildings clustered around the docks seemed to primarily be businesses, with homes built into their second stories. There were also a few larger structures that were clearly warehouses, and a broad cobbled road leading away from the river. Sebastian and Merrill followed this road to a square, where a market seemed to have been set up. Either they had lucked out and arrived on a day when the villagers held their market, or the village put this on for the benefit of travelers coming through on the river. A few other ships had been tied up at the docks, he recalled.

They lost themselves among the booths for a time, and it didn't take long for Sebastian to find one selling herbs and concoctions of the sort he had been searching for. They lingered a while longer after purchasing the items they had come for, glad to be off the ship for a bit. Sebastian noticed Merrill lingering at a stall selling balls of wool, reaching out to touch a few of them lightly. After she had moved on, Sebastian hung back a bit, letting her wander further down the row. He stepped up to the booth with the wool and, making sure Merrill was distracted elsewhere, purchased the balls she had been admiring. He also asked the seller to recommend a few more. She wrapped up his purchases with a knowing smile and grinned when he thanked her and tucked the bulky bundle under his cloak, hurrying to catch up with Merrill.

"There you are, _lethallin_!" She smiled when he appeared at her shoulder. "I was looking to see if I could find another journal, but no one seems to be selling them here."

"You've filled your second journal already?" Sebastian's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Oh, no. Not yet," she absently slid a hand into one of his and he glanced down at their fingers with a smile. "But I might before we reach Bastion."

"I'll just have to keep you distracted enough that you don't spend too much writing, then," Sebastian promised. Merrill's eyes widened slightly and she grinned at him, giving his hand a brief squeeze.

"I suppose that would work as well."

Sebastian grinned back and then pulled her in for a kiss, heedless of their surroundings. He had only meant to give her a quick peck, but she surprised him by stretching up on her toes and grabbing a fistful of his cloak, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss. His free hand slid around her waist and he pulled her up against him, his tongue sliding in between her parted lips to tangle with hers.

A loud wolf-whistle brought them back to themselves and they broke apart, blushing. A few people were staring, most with smiles on their faces, amused by the show. Though he did notice a few disapproving glances being sent their way. Sebastian felt himself turning bright red, but it did nothing to dampen the grin on his face. Let them stare, let them disapprove. He took Merrill's hand again and brought it to his lips as she glanced around at the dispersing onlookers.

"Oh. I suppose we shouldn't do that in public, should we?" Merrill said softly. "I rather forgot where I was, for a moment."

"Maybe we should make our way back to the ship?"

"Oh yes, let's do."

They still had almost an hour left, so they meandered back to the ship slowly, still holding hands. Before leaving the market they stopped at a few more stalls, picking up some fresh fruit, a bottle of wine, and a few other odds and ends. The captain just grunted to them in greeting when they clambered aboard once more, and they made their way to their cabin to deposit their purchases.

"What's that?" Merrill asked when Sebastian set the parcel of wool on the table.

"Just a little surprise for you, my dear," Sebastian told her with a shy smile. "I saw you admiring them, and I thought...well. Here." He offered her the package and Merrill took it with an eager sort of curiosity.

"Oh!" She smiled softly as she unwrapped the bundle, stroking the soft wool lightly with her fingers. "You did not have to do this!"

"I know," he laughed, "but I wanted to. You mentioned that you didn't have any wool left after you made my scarf. I thought you might like to have some more."

"So I can teach you how to knit?" Her expression was innocent enough but the sparkle in her eyes belied her teasing intent.

"I can think of better things to do with my hands, Merrill," he purred, taking a step closer to her, tracing the lines of her vallaslin lightly with his fingertips.

"Can you, now?" Her eyes slid closed under his touch, and she carefully reached out to set her gift on the table, before moving her hands up to his shoulders.

He leaned down and kissed her again, not bothering to hold back now that they were in the privacy of their cabin. Merrill melted into his arms, humming into his mouth, her fingers tracing along his back. She smiled up at him when he pulled away, taking a step back and turning for the pile of their purchases on the table. Rummaging through them, she pulled out a small vial and unstoppered it, drinking it down quickly.

"Oh, my, that tastes terrible," she said, making a face and sticking out her tongue.

"I'm sorry, my dear," Sebastian said with a light laugh, "that was the only such potion they had in the village, I fear. We can look for something different when we reach Bastion, but I'm afraid we're stuck with it until then." He paused, tilting his head to watch Merrill pour a cup of water and rinse her mouth out. "Unless we get, erm, creative, I suppose." Merrill's face lit up and she turned back to him.

"Ooh! Creative sounds fun!" Sebastian blinked and then laughed again. "Although I've already taken it now, so there's no point in wasting it, is there?" She turned back toward him and stepped into his open arms, stretching up on her toes to kiss him once more. Sebastian caught just a hint of the bitter herbal taste and silently promised to find a more pleasant method of contraception once they were off the ship. But for now...

"No, no point in being wasteful at all," he murmured against her ear.

He darted out his tongue, tracing along the tapered edge to the very tip, sucking it gently between his teeth. Merrill shivered and loosed a low moan. Her fingers skated to his waist and she tugged on his shirt, pulling it out of his pants. His fingers were already busy at the buckle of her belt. They undressed each other with more ease than they had the night before, taking their time, making a game of it.

Where the last night and this morning had been frantic, needful, couplings, this time their lovemaking was careful and deliberate. There was no need to hurry now, with the promise of all of the time in the world laid out before them. Sebastian made a thorough exploration of Merrill's body, touching and kissing and tasting every last bit of her. She seemed content to let him take the lead, watching him closely with curious eyes, enjoying the feel of his skin on hers, crying out as he discovered sensitive spots and exploited them. When finally he entered her again, she was slick and warm and ready and he slid between her thighs as easily as if they had been made to fit together. He rocked slowly in and out, savoring the feel of her body surrounding him, drowning in the sounds she made. Their eyes met and held and he took one of her hands in his, lacing their fingers together as he began to speed up. Merrill's eyes slid shut, and she tightened around him, crying out as an orgasm washed over her, wringing out Sebastian's completion as she came.

He slipped out and lay down beside her, letting Merrill pull him into her arms and kiss him on the cheek. He honestly could not recall the last time in his life he had ever felt so truly content or at peace. He felt connected to Merrill in a way that he had never felt with any of the lovers of his youth. Was it simply because she was the last piece of stability, the last familiar thing, left to him after his whole world had been turned upside down? Or was this something else entirely? Something he had never actually hoped to find in his life?

"Mmm, that was lovely," Merrill sighed, snuggling in close to his side. "Next time, it will be my turn."

"Your turn?"

"To find all of _your_ sensitive spots, _lethallin_." She ghosted a finger lightly across his stomach, causing Sebastian to shiver. He rolled over to face her and found her grinning at him.

"I think I like the sound of that," he whispered, leaning in for another kiss.

The week and a half until they reached Bastion flew by for them. They did not spend the _entire_ time in bed, but quite a bit of it was occupied by exploring this new aspect of their relationship. Merrill was true to her word, mapping out his body as he had done with hers. She was absolutely fascinated by how sensitive his feet were when she accidently discovered just how ticklish Sebastian was. Her feet, of course, were not ticklish at all, thick as they were from her refusal to wear shoes. That did not stop Sebastian from learning just how ticklish the backs her knees were, though. It was a lucky discovery for him, because it was all that saved him from merciless attacks whenever his bare feet were in Merrill's reach.

Sebastian was rather overwhelmed by the development, if he was being honest with himself. One of the reasons he had taken so many lovers in his youth was that he had always bored so easily. Once he had sampled what one had to offer, he had rarely gone back for a second taste. But with Merrill he could not seem to get enough of her. He wanted to find every single way he could make her cry out in pleasure, hear every cadence with which she could breathe his name. All so he could do it over and over again.

Even more surprising was her desire for him. Not once in all of the time that he had known her had he ever heard her express any kind of interest in carnal pleasures. Yes, she had occasionally asked Isabela or the others about their sex lives, but it was always with a detached sort of curiosity. As if she was trying to understand the person better, not the acts themselves. If anyone had ever asked him before leaving Kirkwall, he would have had to admit that he had never even actually thought of Merrill and sex in any sort of combination at all. She had, in that aspect, been a complete innocent to him.

Clearly he had been an idiot.

He didn't think he had ever been so glad to be wrong about anything in all of his life.

Occasionally, they left their cabin to take walks along the passenger deck. Their porthole only provided so much fresh air, after all. They would try to discuss what to do once they reached the end of the voyage, but no real plans were ever made. Without any concrete goals or idea of where they wanted to go next, there did not seem to be much point in deciding anything beyond that they would figure it out once they got there. They would play cards, sometimes, and Merrill wrote in her journal when the waters were calm enough.

They shared more stories of their childhoods. Sebastian found it much easier to discuss his family now that he finally felt free of their shadows. It was a strange realization, but he knew that it was true. No longer was he living out the life they had expected or demanded of him, but nor was he the same boy who had been such a disappointment. Somehow that made it easier to think of them, and to speak of them as well. He found himself telling her mostly of his grandfather and the things he had learned from him.

In turn, Merrill told him about friends she'd had in the clan before they had left Ferelden. There had been a boy named Tamlen, she explained, which led to the full story of the eluvian. Sebastian thought he began to understand just why she had been so desperate to repair it, to make its price mean _something_. He was startled to realize that the other key player in her story was none other than the famed Warden Commander.

"You grew up with him?" Sebastian asked in surprise when she mentioned the name Mahariel and he made the connection. "But wasn't he friends with--" _Anders_. The name caught in his throat and Merrill gave him a knowing look.

"I never saw him again after he left the clan to join the Wardens," she said quietly after a moment. "When I learned of Anders' connection to him..." she reached out for Sebastian's hand, noting his flinch at the name. He sighed and gestured for her to continue. Anders was not a topic he cared to dwell on, or think of at all. There was still too much bitterness there. He wasn't sure it would ever go away. But this was Merrill's story, and he wanted to hear it. She sighed and gave his hand a squeeze.

"Well," she shrugged. "He never really wanted to talk about his time in the Wardens. Not with me. He was more interested in telling me about everything I was doing wrong. But yes, the Warden Commander was my friend once. I do not know if he would still call me such were I to meet him again though. After the clan--"

Sebastian drew her into his arms, hugging her gently. They each had things in their past that were best left there. The melancholy mood lifted soon enough and they avoided discussing their histories for a time after that. Instead they returned to discussions of what they might find in Bastion and beyond. The discussions never really went anywhere, of course, although both agreed they were going to find an inn with proper baths as soon as they stepped off the ship. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record--I am not trying to imply in any way that Merrill was never interested in sex at all while she was in Kirkwall. Obviously in some iterations of the game that wasn't the case at all. But, since she never romanced Hawke (or Carver or anyone else) in this particular timeline, I feel like she was probably pretty preoccupied with the mirror (and with the tumult to her life from moving into the city) to the point where that just wasn't something she really ever thought much about. Also, even if it HAD been on her mind, she wouldn't have talked about it with Sebastian anyway. Hopefully I managed to get that across, but just in case, wanted to put a little clarification down here for you.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian and Merrill linger in the city for a while as they try to decide where to go next.

As much as Merrill had enjoyed spending the voyage to Bastion with Sebastian, by the time they made port she was quite ready to spend a good long while on solid ground once more. Bastion was unlike any city that Merrill had yet seen, though she would be the first to admit that she had few to compare it to. It lacked the organized layout of Starkhaven, instead sprawling along the coast, seeming to flow over the hilly land that led away from the water. It was crowded, but nowhere near so much as Kirkwall had always been. Everywhere she looked, there were people moving to and fro, clearly going about their business. But no one seemed to be in any sort of hurry. She found it all very strange, but it was not unpleasant.

After asking a few questions in the harbor, Sebastian hired a carriage to take them to an inn in what he called the "respectable district" of the city. Merrill did not want to think about how much it must have cost to take out the room they found themselves in, with its rich, cozy furnishings and private bathing chamber featuring dwarven plumbing. Especially since they had arranged for a stay of "indeterminate length." Still, she wasn't about to complain over the comfort of their lodgings, especially when Sebastian began stripping out of his clothes and turned the tap to start a bath pouring. She leaned against a bedpost lazily for a few moments, watching him as he disrobed and moved about the rooms.

"Are you going to join me, dear?" He turned off the water flow and walked toward her with an open grin. She made no effort to hide her appreciation of his current state of undress. He truly was a beautiful man, and just watching the muscles ripple as he moved closer sent a small shiver of delight down her spine. His hair was almost back to its usual color and those blue eyes shone with enough warmth that she thought the room's fireplace might be completely unnecessary. Sebastian stopped in front of her, his hands coming to rest gently on her arms, just below her furred mantle. She stretched up on her toes and leaned forward to kiss him.

"Of course." She dropped back down and he placed a palm against her cheek. His smile softened as he looked down into her eyes. "You go ahead, I will be there in a moment." Sebastian nodded and kissed her forehead before returning to the bathing chamber. Merrill watched his retreat and then gave herself a little shake.

She quickly removed her clothing, tossing it casually on a chair by the bed. Idly, she wondered if it might not be time to find something new to wear. Her clothes were the raiment of a Keeper's First, after all, and she had not been that for a very long time. While she had held on to hope of returning to her people, triumphant in her restoration of the eluvian, maintaining the outward symbol of her place in the clan had seemed right. But now, she had no clan, no place in one. No change of clothing would hide that she was Dalish, her vallaslin marked her out as surely as if she was shouting about her heritage. Nor would she ever deny that part of herself. Merrill had always been proud to be Dalish and that, at least, had not changed. But she was on a new path now, and perhaps it was time to let go of the last symbols of the old one. It would be something to consider as they explored the city, certainly.

"It is quite lonely in here, you know," Sebastian called out from the other room. "Plenty of room for one more!"

"Forgive me, _ma vhenan_ ," she called back, wondering if he would recognize the endearment. She had still only been able to teach him a handful of elvish. "I was lost in thought. I'll be right along."

Merrill smiled to herself as she quickly pulled the ties out of her hair and combed her fingers through the short braids to undo them. She turned for the bathing chamber and caught sight of her staff. A small frown creased her face. The innkeeper had not looked twice at her bare feet, tapered ears, or the markings on her face. But he had looked long and hard at her staff before taking the pile of coin Sebastian had offered him. She did not think that he had believed for one second that it was a mere walking stick. It would be best to hide it while they were here, she realized with a pang of regret. Glancing around the room, she thought carefully about the best place to put it. This seemed to be the sort of establishment with servants to clean the rooms while their occupants were away. Her gaze landed on a shadowed corner, next to the chest of drawers. That would do.

Merrill crossed over to the corner and placed the staff carefully against the wall. She glanced back to make sure Sebastian could not see her from the bathing chamber and smiled at the sight of his feet resting on the edge of the tub. He was settling right in, it seemed. Turning back to her staff, she concentrated for a moment, placing a small spell of concealment on the corner. The staff should remain unseen and undisturbed during their stay. With a nod of satisfaction, she turned and at last made her way into the steamy bathing chamber.

"There you are." Sebastian smiled as she slid into the tub and settled into his waiting arms. "What were you thinking of?"

"Just new beginnings," she said lightly, stealing a quick kiss before accepting the sponge Sebastian offered.

"Oh?" Sebastian smiled and hugged her to him. "I like the sound of that."

The longer they spent in Bastion, the more Merrill came to believe that hiding her staff had been the right decision. She could not go more than a few blocks away from the inn without hearing people in the streets discussing mages and the situation in Kirkwall. How would the Chantry react? Was it true that the city had been overrun by blood mages? Which Circle would rebel next? Speculation seemed to assume that it _was_ inevitable the other Circles would follow the way of the Gallows, even though it not been a Circle mage responsible for the upheaval at all, and there had been other things in play there, such as Meredith's madness. Still, the subjects of magic and mages and apostates seemed to be on everyone's tongue. There was talk of an Inquisition. Merrill wasn't sure what that was, but none of what she heard sounded particularly pleasant.

Sebastian heard it as well as she did, and it made him tense. She guessed that was largely due to how much the destruction of the Chantry had taken from him, as well as the rampant speculation about the whereabouts of the apostate perpetrator and the missing Champion of Kirkwall. But occasionally such talk would result in him drawing her in closely, or tightening a grip on already linked hands. He would avoid looking at her until they'd moved well away from the gossip. At first it had irritated her. She thought that he was worried she might speak up to the strangers, as if she would be so foolish, or that he simply did not wish to be reminded of the fact that his lover was, in fact, not just an apostate but a blood mage as well. It did not take long for her to realize, however, how wrong her assumptions were.

Sebastian was not worried about her and what she might do, he was worried _for_ her, and what might happen if her magic was discovered. She had to admit, the same fear was beginning to take root within her as well. Thedas seemed to be quickly becoming anything but safe for mages, and it had never been a walk in the park for them there. Anders had, if anything, set their cause _back_ , in her opinion. It was almost enough to make her wish she'd never left her clan. At least among her own kind, magic hadn't been a thing to fear without cause. It was seen as a tool, meant to be used for the good of all. If a wielder of magic acted irresponsibly, then they faced the consequences. Many would have said that this was what had happened to her, she knew. But even with all of their recriminations and slights, she had never felt anything like she felt now, in this shemlen city full of fear and hate and refusal to even try to understand.

She was not even safe in knowledge that no one would be looking for signs of magic in her. There were many elves in the city, and more than a few of them bore vallaslin. Every clan was different, but it was always possible one of them would recognize her garments for those of a Keeper's First. If they had been among the humans long enough, would they want to curry favor by turning in a potential apostate? Or would they offer her the courtesy of silence because of their shared heritage?

From the knowing looks some of those same elves shot at Merrill and Sebastian, she guessed they had left their clans to pursue relationships with humans. The Dalish were rarely forgiving or welcoming of those who chose to dilute their proud heritage with shemlen blood. A dalliance driven by curiosity could be overlooked, but if one of the Dalish wanted more than that from a human, they were shunned or they ran away on their own. Certainly the human would never have been welcomed into the clan. If the Dalish in Bastion wanted to assume she had left her clan to pursue a romance with Sebastian, she was more than willing to let them believe it, especially if it provided them with enough sympathy to stay quiet about the fact that she might be a mage.

There was no point in taking chances, however, so after a few days in the city, Merrill told Sebastian she wanted to buy some new clothes. She did not explain why, but he didn't require an explanation. He had already had his own transformation, she supposed. Perhaps he just assumed she was looking for the same sort of thing. She was a bit overwhelmed by the choices she found in front of her when they went to look for new attire.

"What about this?" Sebastian pulled a garment off of a rack in front of a seamstress' shop. He held it up for Merrill to see.

"It's a dress," Merrill's nose scrunched up as she gingerly stroked the green silk.

"Yes," Sebastian laughed. "It matches your eyes. I think it would look lovely on you!"

"It's hardly practical," Merrill murmured, trying not to blush at the assessing gaze Sebastian was directing at her. Goodness, once he had realized they both wanted this, he had lost all pretense of self-consciousness. She found it a bit much sometimes, how intense his desire was, though she could not think of a thing she would trade it for.

"Hmm, I don't know," Sebastian's voice dropped to match hers. "I can think of a few activities a dress would make _much_ easier."

It was Merrill's turn to laugh and she shook her head in amusement. Perhaps he had not questioned her desire to change her wardrobe simply because the removal of her current clothing was something he still complained took far too long.

"Let's keep looking, shall we?" Sebastian just grinned and shrugged before hanging the dress back on the rack.

In the end, she did let Sebastian talk her into _one_ dress, but only because he made a very convincing argument about the potential benefits to wearing such a thing. Well, that's what she let him believe. After she had let him talk her into trying it on, she had seen the spark in his eyes at seeing how she looked in it. She had liked that spark quite a lot. The dress even came with matching leather-soled slippers, though she could not imagine herself ever actually wearing those.

For everyday, though, she decided upon soft leather leggings. Over those went a wide-sleeved shirt that fell to just above her knees, with slits up the sides, and a corset-like leather belt cinched it at her waist. She bought two pairs of leggings and twice as many shirts, as well as a few more fitted, long-sleeved shirts of heavier material that could go underneath the overshirt when the weather turned colder. She thought her leg and wrist wraps would work just fine with the new garb. Sebastian also insisted on purchasing thick fur-lined cloaks for both of them. Just in case, he said. That, more than anything, told her that he was as eager to get out of Bastion as she.

Still, they lingered in the city for several weeks. After their initial exploration, they only ventured out of the inn when they needed to stretch their legs or buy something specific. The inn had a well-stocked library, so Sebastian did quite a bit of reading while Merrill would either write or knit or find something to read for herself. She did not tell Sebastian, but she decided to use the wool he had gotten her to make an attempt at a blanket for the both of them. When she ran out of the wool she had, they ventured into the market to buy more. She also had to buy another journal and more ink, she realized.

"Do you know," she mused as she turned away from the stall where she had purchased the ink, "I am not sure where I am going to put all of these new things when we do move on from here. After we buy supplies for traveling, there will hardly be any room in my pack for _three_ journals, not to mention the extra clothi--what's that?"

As she had turned she had seen Sebastian looking at something small and shiny in the palm of his hand. When he heard her speak, however, he had hastily shoved it into a pocket of his vest. He turned red at the question--no--at being caught with whatever he had been holding. He offered her a sheepish grin.

"I am sure I don't know what you're talking about."

"You were holding something in your hand, _ma vhenan_ , I saw it." She raised her eyebrows in surprise. Sebastian wasn't one to play ignorant. Not with her. Sebastian bit his lip but she just stared at him expectantly.

"I was going to wait until tomorrow to give it to you," he said after a few long moments. He reached back into the pocket, clearly grabbing whatever he had been holding, though he did not take it back out.

"Oh?" Merrill tilted her head to one side in thought. "Why is that? What's tomorrow?" A small rush of panic washed over her. "Have I forgotten some important gift-giving occasion?" Sebastian blinked and then laughed softly.

"It would appear you have, my dear."

"Sebastian!" She crossed her arms, growing frustrated. "Don't tease me!"

"Tomorrow is your nameday, is it not?"

"Is it? Oh Creators! I completely forgot!"

"Well, fortunately for you, I did not." He took a step closer, wrapping his free arm around her waist to pull her in for a hug. "Would you like your gift early, then?" He pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"Oh! I don't--only if you don't mind..." She trailed off and it was her turn to flush with embarrassment.

Sebastian finally pulled his hand back out of his pocket and turned it over, holding it open to reveal what he had been looking at earlier. Merrill let out a small "ooh" at the sight of it. She reached out to take it and then hesitated, glancing up at him. He smiled and nodded and Merrill picked up her gift. It was a delicate silver ring. The metal had been worked to resemble a vine, coiled around itself in a circle. The tips of the vine had been hammered into the shapes of leaves, and four of them surrounded a small chunk of jade, holding it in place. She turned it this way and that, holding it up to the light and admiring the simple beauty of it.

"Go on," Sebastian said softly, "try it on." She looked at it for a quick moment, assessing its size, and then slid it carefully on to the middle finger of her right hand. It fit perfectly. "Do you like it?" He was practically whispering now.

"I do," Merrill assured him. "Oh, I do! But it is too much! I can't--"

"Please, my love," he said, taking her hands in his. Her eyes went wide at his words. He had never called her that before. "I would shower you in jewels and silks and pamper you for the rest of your days if I thought for one second that was what you wanted. This is but one small token of what I feel for you. Something that, whenever you look upon it, will remind you that you are loved."

He brushed a strand of hair out of her face, catching her eyes with his own. She stared back at him, overwhelmed by her own emotions. As certain as his words might sound, she could see the trepidation in his eyes. The fear that for all they had shared together, she might not feel the same for him as he did for her. For all of his experience in matters of seduction, actual romance was something she knew he was still trying to figure out. She placed a hand on his cheek and smiled up at him.

"I do not need a bauble to know that, _ma vhenan_ , I need only to look in your eyes. But I thank you all the same. I love you too, Sebastian. My heart is yours."

He loosed a small sigh of relief and leaned down to kiss her, pulling her close. They kissed for some time, trying to repeat in the action what they had just said in words. Eventually the broke apart, though they could not bring themselves to cease all contact. Their hands remained linked as they turned by unspoken consent to make their way back to the inn. Merrill hummed happily to herself as they walked and Sebastian bore a wide, pleased smile.

"I suppose we'll have to buy larger packs before we leave," he mused after a while, startling Merrill out of her reverie. It took her a moment to pick up what he was talking about, but then she recalled what she had been saying before catching him with the ring. She nodded and Sebastian gave her hand a quick squeeze. "Of course, if I can actually convince you to _ride_ instead of walk when we resume our travels, we can just buy a proper pack horse and saddle bags."

Merrill's first instinct was to refuse the suggestion, but she managed to push it aside. They had not even decided on when they would be leaving or where they would be going yet. All she knew was that she had no desire to get back on a ship any time soon, and that the faster they could get away from crowded cities, the safer she would feel. So instead she just shook her head and shot him a wry look.

"We shall see," she answered lightly. "We shall see."

Merrill rose early the next morning and smiled down at Sebastian's sleeping form. She eased out of the bed, careful not to wake him, and padded into the bathing chamber. She had to admit, the dwarven plumbing was a rather remarkable and convenient invention. As anxious as she was to leave Bastion, she was going to miss being able to take hot baths whenever she wished. She took her time bathing, luxuriating in the warm water until her skin started to wrinkle. After she had dried off and dressed, she rummaged in her pack and retrieved a few items, including small bottle of red lacquer that she had picked up in the market after her arrival.

Merrill had allowed herself few vanities in her appearance, tending to choose practicality over aesthetics. It was common enough among the Dalish. They had little in the way of resources for things like weaving textiles, so aside from leathers and furs, most of the clothing they wore was purchased or traded for when they came across human or dwarven settlements. Some of her clan had still managed to cobble together the haphazard assortment of available clothing and accessories to stand out in ensembles that were both beautiful and functional. Merrill had never really seen the advantage to placing such concerns in her appearance, however, choosing to focus instead on her studies and duties under Marethari.

But there was one exception to that rule. She had always found time to keep her nails tended to and painted. It was the one concession to vanity she allowed, and over the years, tending to her nails had become something of a ritual for her. It was one she had kept up even after leaving her clan, but since leaving Kirkwall she had lapsed in it. When she had found the lacquer in the market, she had been reminded of the pleasure she had always taken in the ritual and decided to renew it. So while Sebastian slept, she settled down at the small table in their rooms, humming quietly to herself as she carefully removed the last remnants of chipped and faded color from both her fingers and toes. She trimmed and shaped her nails and then studiously bent to the task of repainting her fingernails.

"Did you know, your nose crinkles in the most adorable way when you are concentrating so intently?"

The soft observation caused Merrill to pause, the small brush in her hand hovering over the final unpainted fingernail. She turned to find Sebastian sprawled across the bed on his stomach, elbows propped on the edge and chin resting in his hands. He grinned at her when their eyes met, and it warmed her right down to her toes. She wondered how long he had been watching her. She had been so focused on the old routine that she had not even heard him stir.

"My nose does not crinkle," she said with a smile, turning back to her work and carefully painting the last nail.

"It does," he insisted lightly. "Adorably." Merrill just shook her head and looked back down at her hands. Focusing carefully, she willed forth a tiny burst of magic, just enough heat to dry the wet lacquer to instant hardness. She had learned the hard way that it was a bad idea to let it dry naturally, given how easily distracted she could become.

"There!" Sebastian exclaimed triumphantly. "Just like that." She glanced back over at him and saw that his expression had changed. The fondness had been replaced by that hunger that burned deep inside of him, the one that never seemed sated. She could not even begin to imagine how he had gone so long without indulging. "You should come back to bed, love." Sebastian lifted the sheet in invitation.

"I still have to do my toes!" It was a weak protest though, already an answering fire had ignited within Merrill. Sebastian was _very_ hard to resist when he got like this. She guessed that was because she never really _wanted_ to resist him.

"There will be time enough later. I'll even paint them for you, if you show me  how," he offered.

"Will you now?"

Merrill slid back from the table and walked over to the bed. She looked down at him and he nodded eagerly. Merrill laughed and leaned down to kiss him before straightening up again and pulling off her so recently donned clothes. Sebastian rose up to his knees, sheet falling away to reveal his still naked body, and Merrill took a moment to admire him before stepping close enough to be pulled down into the bed.

Sebastian rolled on top of her and leaned down to capture her mouth in a kiss, tongue seeking entry into her mouth. Her lips parted to him and she stretched out her tongue to meet his as she returned the kiss. He nudged a knee between her legs and rolled his hips against her thigh, his erection trapped between their bodies. Merrill buried a hand in his hair while the other slid down to take hold of him, stroking his cock lightly while he moved against her. His hands went to her breasts, tweaking her nipples and working them into hardness before he pulled back and then scooted down enough to take one in his mouth. Merrill moaned at combination of wet heat and sharp teeth. He slid a hand down her stomach, ghosting over the light dusting of hair between her legs and then pressing two fingers inside her slick channel.

Everywhere he touched her she felt aflame. He made her feel so incredibly amazing and alive and she wanted nothing more than to lose herself in his arms and never find her way out again. An idea drifted into her mind and her eyes widened as she considered it. She wanted to make him feel as good as he did to her, but would he even listen to the suggestion...? _I won't know unless I ask._ When he moved back up to kiss her again, she placed a hand on his cheek.

" _Ma vhenan_ ," she smiled softly, "there is something I would like to try."

"Of course," Sebastian grinned, "you know I am always open to new ideas."

"This is..." she bit her lip and he looked at her with curiosity. "It involves magic." She repressed a sigh as Sebastian pulled back, not out of her arms completely, but enough that she almost reconsidered the idea.

"Merrill..." He said warningly.

She did sigh then. They had somehow managed to avoid the topic of her magic for the most part, but they couldn't continue doing so forever. So she pressed on.

"Magic is a part of me, Sebastian." She offered him a reassuring smile and stroked his cheek. "It always will be, and no amount of pretending will make it go away. I don't _want_ it to go away." She held his eyes at that last bit, making sure he understood that she meant it. "But I would share it with you, if you'll let me," she said more softly.

He stared down at her for several long moments. She could see something in his eyes, just a hint of fear, but he was still here with her, and she could also see that he was considering her words. His erection had not flagged, she could still feel the hard length of him pressed into her thigh. Her suggestion had not been enough to cool his ardor. It was a good sign. Slowly, hesitantly, he nodded.

"Very well then, my love," he kissed her lightly on the cheek. "What did you have in mind?"

"Lie back," Merrill told him with a grin. Sebastian complied, watching her carefully. She could see eagerness in his eyes now too, though, and was relieved to find it there.

Merrill kissed him on the lips and then began moving down his body, leaving a trail of kisses along his neck and chest as she went. After each kiss, she touched him with her fingertips, sending light waves of energy into his skin where she touched him. This had been done to her once, long ago, and it had felt at first like the brush of a feather on her skin wherever the energy was. Slowly, she ramped up the intensity of the waves, from feather brushes to finger strokes. Each wave took some time to dissipate, so that by the time she settled herself between his legs, Sebastian should feel as if there were several hands stroking his body at once.

She glanced up at his face and saw that his head was thrown back, his eyes closed and mouth open as his body arched into the non-existent touches. Merrill grinned, knowing her magic had produced the desired effect. Sebastian wasn't writhing, but she had learned he had remarkable restraint, once their initial frenzied lusts had been sated. The signs of his enjoyment were there, though, in the upturned corners of his lips and the very minute bucking of his hips, in the occasional moan that slipped from him. She wrapped a hand lightly around the base of his cock and grinned before leaning forward to swallow half of its length, swirling her tongue around the tip.

"Merrill!" Sebastian cried out, his eyes flying open.

She answered by continuing to work at his cock with her hands and mouth and his head fell back to the pillows again. His hips began to thrust in earnest, but Merrill had learned his movements well enough to be prepared for that. As overwhelmed as he was by the sensations of her hands and mouth and magic, it did not take long for Sebastian to come. She swallowed down his seed and then kissed the tip of his cock as she let it slip from her mouth. Sebastian reached down and pulled her up to lie next to him, wrapping her up in a fierce hug.

"That was incredible," he whispered once his breath had been recovered. "Thank you for suggesting that," he offered her a sly smile. "Do you have any more tricks I should know about?"

"Hmm, you'll just have to wait and see, won't you?" She shot him a triumphant grin and he chuckled quietly in response.

They lazed in bed for a while longer and then Sebastian insisted on keeping his promise to paint her toenails. She half expected him to do a clumsy job of it, but he was as meticulous in this as he was in most other things, she found. Afterward, they shared a bath together. Merrill pointed out that she had already had one but Sebastian somehow convinced her to join him anyway.

After her nameday, it seemed as if they had reached an unspoken agreement that it was finally time to begin their plans for moving on. This was easier said than done, unfortunately, as they still had no real idea of where they wanted to go next. They poured over the maps in the inn's library, unable to agree on a destination. Merrill professed to being rather tired of traveling by ship, and they both agreed that they should stay away from large cities until the situation with the Circles had settled down a bit.

"I miss the forest," Merrill confessed after one rather fruitless evening spent pondering. She dropped down into one of the library's large leather chairs and grabbed a piece of cheese from the tray of food the kitchen had sent up to them. "I've been too long away from them."

"Hmm." Sebastian ran a finger along the map he was still looking at, his mouth pursed in thought. "We run the risk of bandits in the forest," he mused. Merrill cocked her head at him. He didn't seem to be arguing, just making an observation.

"You and I are both more than capable of defending ourselves from bandits," Merrill huffed.

"True enough." His finger stopped moving, resting on the map, and a considering expression appeared on his face. "Unfortunately, there's not much in the way of forest this far north. We could sail south again, I suppose, but I know you don't relish another long voyage by ship, so it would seem forests aren't an option. Unless..."

He trailed off and Merrill glanced back up at him. There was something in his voice that caught her attention. His finger still rested on the map and she caught the hint of a smile on his lips. He had an idea. Merrill got up from the chair and walked over to stand next to him, glancing down at the part of the map that had him so interested.

"Arlathan Forest?" The words came out in an awed whisper. She looked up at him and saw a playful sparkle in his eyes. "Sebastian, that's leagues away! And bordering on Tevinter!"

"Only if we stray too far west," he shrugged, "and only if we actually exit the forest from that edge. Have we any other obligations that we can't embark on such a trip?"

Merrill's breath caught in her throat. To see the ancestral home of her people? Creators, she could just imagine. She was well aware that nothing more than ruins, if even those, existed to testify that the elven empire had ever been seated there, but just to walk through those woods, to see the ancient trees...the very idea sang in her blood. She glanced back down at the map. Sebastian was right, they had time enough to make the trek. But it _would_ be a long one.

"It will be winter before we get there," she said softly. It was not a concern for herself that made her point it out. She had never lived within the walls of a city until leaving her clan. Winters in the forests were a thing she knew she was equipped to handle. But Sebastian was another story. Perhaps winters here in the north might not be so severe as in Ferelden, but for all that he was not as soft as most shemlen, he was still accustomed to weathering the cold months within _walls_.

"You'll keep me warm, I've no doubt," he said, sliding and arm around her waist and kissing the top of her head. "Besides, I have a few ideas that might make the traveling a little easier for us if we really do mean to be months on the road."

"If you're sure," she said, biting her lip.

"I am." He nodded and smiled down at her. "Let us go to Arlathan."  


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back on the road again, Merrill and Sebastian are forced to confront some of the harsher truths of the life they have chosen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay...so. I realized (after I had plotted out this story and written the last chapter) that the Green Dales are a lot closer to Bastion than the Arlathan Forest. But, they are also back the way that Seb and Merrill came. So, let's look at them overlooking that possible destination as a refusal to go backward just yet.

Once they had a new destination in mind, arrangements for travel fell into place swiftly. Sebastian nearly cleaned out the accounts his cousin had set up for him in the process. He briefly contemplated emptying them entirely, but in the end he decided against it. Doing so would deny Goran the ability to track his movements any further, it was true, but it would also likely send his cousin into a panic that he meant to go back on his word and cause trouble for his rule. Besides, if he closed the accounts, he would never see the promised allowance from Starkhaven, and he wasn't so foolish as to turn that down. He doubted they would stay in the forest forever, after all.

He _did_ open up a second account under Merrill's name, however, and placed a substantial portion of his available funds in it. It wasn't as if it was terribly smart to travel with that much coin actually on them, after all. As he had expected, Merrill tried to refuse the letters of mark when he handed them over to her, arguing that she did not need or want any of his money. Sebastian convinced her to accept them, however, pointing out that it gave them a source of funding free from Goran's eyes, one that would accrue interest while they were away. On the off chance that something did happen to him, he wanted to make sure that Merrill had the resources to carry on however she wanted. She accepted the money reluctantly, but she _did_ accept, and Sebastian breathed a sigh of relief when she took the papers.

They stocked up on warm clothing and food that would keep for traveling. Sebastian urged Merrill to purchase extra wool and another journal, picking one up for himself as well. He also made sure to replenish his store of arrows. It galled him to have to buy them, he would have much preferred making his own, but now that they had decided to leave Bastion, he was ready to be on with it, and he did not have the time he would have liked to devote to their crafting. He could always make more upon the road, after all, but it was best to ensure he didn't run out any time soon. Especially since they would largely be relying on what they could catch or trap for fresh food.

"Sebastian, this is too much!" Merrill groaned, looking around their room at the accumulated supplies the night before they were to set out. "We will never be able to carry all of this."

"Ah, never you worry, my dear," Sebastian assured her with a wink. "I've made arrangements to take our supplies into account. All will be well."

"So you keep saying," Merrill replied in an irritated tone. Sebastian could have sworn she was fighting the urge to stick her tongue out at him and he hid a grin at the thought. "But you won't tell me what these arrangements are. You know I don't want to ride a horse..."

"You won't have to," Sebastian promised. "You'll see in the morning. I think you'll be pleased with my surprise."

She looked doubtful but she did not argue any further. They went to bed early, meaning to be away at first light. It was a long trip ahead of them, and he meant to get as far on their first day as they could. Sebastian rose before dawn and slipped out of the bed, leaving Merrill to sleep. He quietly pulled on the clothes he had set out and then began to carry their supplies down to the stable yard, where their transportation awaited. By the time Merrill woke, he had managed to pack almost everything. He picked up a tray of breakfast from the kitchens and carried it into the room as she began to stir.

They breakfasted together and then shared a hot bath. Sebastian lingered in the water, knowing that it would likely be some time before he could enjoy such a luxury again. But he was as eager to be away as Merrill and so he dragged himself out of the water and toweled off swiftly, dressing once more. Merrill retrieved her staff from the corner, drawing a blink from Sebastian. He had not even noticed it there. Then they gathered up the last of their belongings and made their way out of the inn. As he had hoped, Merrill reacted quite positively to his solution to their transportation needs.

"Oh!" She clapped her hands in delight and ran to the little peddler's wagon, climbing up the two steps hanging from the side and peeking her head inside the door. Leaning back out, she called, " _Ma vhenan_ , this is perfect! It is almost like an aravel!"

"I thought you might like it," Sebastian answered with a proud grin.

Finding the wagon really had been a stroke of luck. It was only slightly larger than the first ship's cabin they had shared, but it should be just fine for the two of them on this journey. It was basically a cozy little room on wheels, with a middling sized bed taking up the back end, padded benches along the sides with seats that lifted for storage, and sturdy cabinets lining one wall. Hanging on the other wall was a table that folded down for use, and a small wood-burning stove was tucked into the wagon's corner. Two lanterns hung from hooks in the wagon's ceiling. As much as Merrill had worried that they had purchased too much in the way of supplies, everything fit neatly within the benches and cabinets, leaving the drawers built in underneath the bed open for the packs they carried with them.

Merrill left her staff and pack in the wagon and bounced back down the steps, throwing her arms around Sebastian's neck in a warm hug. He chuckled and hugged her back, then walked around the wagon with her, showing her a few of its other features. Originally the wagon had been painted a bright obnoxious yellow, with red and green accents that had hurt Sebastian's eyes when he looked at it for too long. No doubt the color scheme had been meant to draw attention for its previous owner, who had made a living traveling through Antiva and the Free Marches selling goods in small towns and villages. Sebastian had requested it be repainted upon purchase, however, and now the wagon was a deep, muted green with brown trim. Perfect for blending into the forest, he hoped. The wagon had two small windows, one in the door on the side and another in the back, over the bed. Two heavy canvas tarps were rolled up tightly and attached along the top of the wagon on either side. They could be unfurled to hang over the sides and add extra insulation or they could be pulled out with the ends attached to stakes for a bit of shade or shelter outside of the wagon.

There was even more storage underneath the floor of the interior, accessed through hatches on the outside. Sebastian guessed that this had initially been meant for the peddler's wares, but he had decided to make use of it to keep the feed and blankets and other essentials for their team of horses. He was rather proud of his find for the horses as well, though he could admit their purchase had been more an indulgence of nostalgia than anything else.

"Oooh," Merrill said as Sebastian walked her over to them. "They are beautiful." She reached up hesitantly to stroke the nose of the nearest horse, jumping and then smiling when it nudged right into her hand.

"They're a Starkhaven breed, actually," Sebastian told her in a low tone. "Or a variant. These are a bit bigger than the ones you normally see back home."

The large bay horses had white markings on their noses and feathered tufts of white hair covering their lower legs. They were clearly powerful, and well suited to pulling the wagon. They reminded Sebastian of the royal stock that his family had kept for ceremonial processions, pulling carriages and such. Though those horses had been quite carefully groomed, with their manes plaited and tails clubbed. Even the feathered hair on their legs would have been carefully trimmed. These horses, while well cared for, had not been so styled. They had a wild, shaggy appearance that appealed to Sebastian greatly. He thought them rather appropriate for the once-wild exiled prince, if he was being honest with himself.

"Why are there four of them?" Merrill asked with a small frown as the groom hooked just two up to the front of the wagon. Sebastian took the leads of the other pair and led them to the back of the wagon, hooking them up so that they could follow behind.

"They'll pull the wagon in shifts," Sebastian explained. "It will keep us from overtaxing them."

"But they will all be walking with us still won't they?"

"Yes, but the two behind won't be pulling anything, and we'll be moving at a slower pace than they would move at unburdened. We'll stop at midday and let all of the horses rest, and then switch the teams when we start again. The new team will be much fresher and the first team will have a chance to cool down a bit." He tilted his head, curiously. "Do the Dalish not do the same with the Halla?"

"Oh, no," Merrill gave him a small smile. "We stopped for the day when the Halla did. It was not very often we needed to get somewhere with any kind of haste, after all, and they were doing us a great favor by pulling the aravels."

Sebastian nodded thoughtfully at this. He supposed it made sense. He watched Merrill as she moved around to the other horses, stroking the nose of each in turn. A small smile crept over his face. He remembered Buttercup, the draft horse that had pulled their cart to the Minanter, and wondered how long it would be before she had given each of these horses new names as well.

Once the horses were all hooked up, everything was ready for their departure. Sebastian tipped the groom and gave him a nod of thanks, then deposited his pack inside the wagon, making sure that the door was firmly latched when he came back down. He gestured to Merrill and they both climbed up to the bench at the front of the wagon, Sebastian taking hold of the reins. He urged the horses on and with that, they were moving out of the stable yard and heading for the main road that would lead them out of Bastion.

"The stove will be nice once the weather cools off," Merrill mused once they had left the city behind them. "You are sneaky, _lethallin_ , but I like it."

"I'm glad you approve," Sebastian laughed. "I bought a bit of firewood. It should last us at least until we are able to gather our own."

"Mmm," Merrill agreed. "Although it isn't as if we need to worry too much about wood to burn if we can't find any." At Sebastian's curious look she arched an eyebrow at him, "I _can_ call fire, after all."

"Oh. I...suppose you're right." An objection tried to spill from his lips but he bit it back. After all, she had a point. They were leaving civilization at least in part so that Merrill didn't have to worry about hiding who she was. Did he really have the right to ask her to continue to deny that part of herself once being discovered wasn't an issue?

Everything he had ever been told about mages and magic warred with everything he knew about this woman beside him. He trusted Merrill, more than he ever would have believed possible. Certainly more than he had ever trusted anyone else, he realized. He had worked alongside her for years, and while she was not infallible, she had demonstrated remarkable constraint and control of her talents. With his trust, had she not also earned the respect that such control deserved? She viewed magic as a tool, as an end to a means, and had argued firmly that magic itself was neither good nor evil but that it was what its wielder chose to do with it that counted.

Certainly, she had been going out of her way these last few weeks to demonstrate to him some of magic's more...pleasant applications. He fought down a blush at the thought. He was not fool enough to be blind to what she was doing, of course. When they had first started traveling together, he had expressed disapproval every time she had even mentioned magic, even when using it had been something they both found necessary. But Merrill had been slowly letting him get used to seeing her use it, allowing him to benefit from it, even, so that he would be more comfortable with that part of her. Yes, he knew what she had been doing, but he realized he did not mind. She was right, in the end, that it was a part of her, and he loved her. If he could not accept all of her, then he did not deserve his place at her side.

"Sebastian?" Merrill brushed her fingers lightly through his hair. "You've gone away, _ma vhenan_."

"Forgive me, love," he said, offering an apologetic smile. "I was thinking about your magic," he admitted.

"Oh?" Merrill went very still in her seat. He reached over and took her hand briefly, giving it a quick squeeze.

"I was just thinking it will likely turn out to be quite useful on our journey." Merrill relaxed and leaned back against the wagon, a triumphant smile on her face. "But..." The smile vanished. Sebastian sighed. "I _do_ worry for you. The blood magic..."

"...is dangerous," Merrill finished his sentence with a sigh of her own. "Of course it is, for many reasons. Treating with demons is not a proposition that should ever be approached lightly, nor should the draining of one's own blood to fuel a spell, for that matter. The blood mages who are the truest threat are those willing to use the blood of others to fuel their magic, who think they can capture demons and bend them to their wills. I am _not_ one of them."

"Of course you're not!"

"I am glad that you know that, _ma vhenan_ ," she said with a hint of amusement. When she continued, the amusement was gone, but she did not sound angry, just tired. "In all of the years you have known me, have you ever known me to use blood magic for anything I did not consider necessary?" Sebastian shook his head slowly. Just because he and the others might not understand why she had made that choice, that did not mean it had seemed any less necessary to her.

"Make no mistake," she went on, "if I think that blood magic is the only way to save our lives, to save _your_ life, I will use it. I will not promise you otherwise. It is a weapon in my arsenal and I mean to treat it as such. But I do swear to you that I will not use such measures unless I believe them to be completely and utterly necessary." A quick pause, and then, "And if it comes down to it, if I go too far or if I...change, I know that you will do what needs to be done." Now she was the one to take his hand and squeeze. "Can you accept that?"

She watched him with wide eyes, full of hope and defiance. She meant to stand her ground on this, and he could not help but be proud of her resolve. Still, what she asked of him.... Sebastian was quiet for a few long moments, staring at the road ahead of them. Could he actually do it? Could he kill Merrill? Once he would not have hesitated to say yes. But now? But no, he knew the answer was still yes. Because if it did come to that, she would not be his Merrill anymore. She would be the thing that had killed Merrill, and he would willingly strike her down for that reason if for no other. Eventually, he nodded slowly, turning to catch her eyes.

"I can, my love."

"Very well, then," she answered with a soft smile. He thought he saw a hint of relief in her eyes and realized they had been avoiding this conversation for far too long. He was as glad as she to have it over with.

They rode on until midday, stopping alongside the road to eat lunch and to rest the horses. It seemed Merrill had spent the time after their conversation thinking up names for the newest additions to their party. Sebastian hid his grin as she shared the names with him. One with a white splotch under his left eye was dubbed Clover, and Sebastian supposed that if he squinted a certain way, he could see that the splotch did suggest that shape. Clover's team mate was given the appellation of Shiny, which Sebastian guessed was due to the extra hints of red in his coat giving him a glossier look than the others. He was surprised she had also managed to name the horses that had been following the wagon while they rode, since she had not had as much time to study them. But by the end of lunch they were known as Whisper, due to the uncharacteristic quietness of his snorts and whinnies, and Watcher, for wide eyes that seemed to take in everything.

"They are fine names, love," Sebastian assured her as they climbed back up on the bench after getting the horses situated once more. "I am sure they will bear them well." She beamed at his approval and he grinned back happily, enjoying the surge of warmth in his heart.

They rode on for the rest of the day, chatting idly about the scenery or the people they passed. This close to Bastion the traffic was still fairly heavy, with people moving between the city and the outlying farms and smaller villages. But by the time the sun began to slip down over the horizon, they had not seen anyone else on the road for well over an hour. They noticed a copse of trees not far from the road, and it seemed big enough for the wagon and horses, so they decided to stop there. By the time the horses had been tended to and dinner eaten and cleaned up, both were quite ready to turn in for the evening.

Sebastian reluctantly volunteered to take the first watch, thinking how much he would miss sharing his bed with Merrill while they were on the road. Still, though the wagon provided more shelter than a tent would have, it also meant that they would have a harder time hearing any approaching threats. There were also the horses to consider. After their earlier conversation, he had considered asking Merrill if she could set some sort of magical protection or warning spell for their campsite. As she had pointed out, her skills were a tool at their disposal, and there was no one else around to see the magic, which meant there was no threat to Merrill's safety. But he had never seen her use anything like that, and even if he had, maintaining something like that all night was impractical and would drain her terribly.

"Hmm." Merrill didn't seem to have been paying attention to his offer, so he repeated it again. She shook her head distractedly and walked around the trees, examining them in the light of their campfire. "I believe I can make it unnecessary for us to take watch," she said, glancing back at him over her shoulder.

"Merrill, please don't think I object to the idea, but wouldn't maintaining some kind of spell like that all night take a terrible toll on you?"

"It depends on the spell, _lethallin_ ," she answered with a sly smile. She looked rather pleased with herself as she reached out to run her fingers down the nearest tree. "I believe I know a way to minimize the drain on my mana. If it's alright with you...?"

Sebastian nodded, curious now, and watched as she retrieved her staff from the wagon. Stepping to the nearest tree, she placed a palm on its trunk, holding her staff, planted firmly on the ground, in her other hand. Her eyes slid shut in concentration and she hummed a bit to herself. Slowly, Sebastian became aware of a soft rustling from the trees surrounding them. He risked a glance around and then blinked, looking again, more closely. The trees seemed to be _growing_. Not up, but out. New branches were sprouting from their sides, and existing branches were extending, all of them reaching out to weave together in the gaps between each tree. The spell seemed to last for hours, but it must have only been minutes. When Merrill finished, she had barely broken a sweat. All around them the tree branches had woven together to completely close in the copse, as if they were a strong fence.

"That was magnificent," Sebastian said in awe as he moved to one of the sections of woven branches for a closer look. "I didn't know you could do something like that." He traced a hand along the tightly woven barrier. An animal or a person might be able to break through it, but not without giving them plenty of notice to rouse and defend themselves.

"I have to admit I wasn't quite sure it would work." She sounded pleased with herself and Sebastian couldn't help but grin at her. He walked over to her and planted a kiss on the top of her head. "It's a variation on my ensnare spell, but since I convinced the trees to grow themselves, rather than summoning vines from somewhere else, the barrier will stay in place without requiring me to pour any further mana into it. I might not be able to do this every night," she tilted her head as she considered her handiwork, "but any time we stop where there's something I can work with to reshape the actual land or plants themselves, it will certainly be an option."

"I suppose you'll need to be in charge of choosing our campsites then," Sebastian mused, sliding an arm around her waist. "If you don't mind?" He looked down into her eyes. She grinned up at him.

"Ooh, no, not at all. Because this means we can break in our new bed together!" She leaned up and cupped the back of his head, pulling him to her in a fiery kiss. "I've rather come to enjoy sleeping next to you, you know," she murmured in his ear when she pulled back. Another quick kiss, and then she added, "Not to mention all of the other fun things we've been doing."

A flash of desire raced through Sebastian and he scooped Merrill up in his arms, carrying her to the door of the wagon. He moved more slowly than he would have liked, since he made sure to kiss her thoroughly as he walked, but he determined it a worthy sacrifice of time.

"Sebastian, the fire!" Merrill laughed as he placed a foot on the first step leading inside. He set her down with a sheepish grin and then gasped when she slid a hand down the front of his trousers, giving his cock a firm squeeze. "My, you _are_ eager, aren't you? Come on," she hit him playfully on the shoulder. "Let's finish cleaning up."

They got the fire banked and the horses settled in for the night in record time, and Sebastian eagerly followed Merrill into the wagon. He did not even wait for her to light the lanterns, pulling her to him and kissing her fiercely as soon as the door had shut behind them. He traced his tongue along her lips and they fell open, allowing him to push inside. Her hands scrabbled at his waist, unlacing his trousers so she could slide a hand inside. He growled when she stroked his cock, her slender hands soft and sure and warm against the sensitive flesh. There was a flurry of activity as they hurriedly worked to divest each other of all of their clothing. Finally, they were both bare, and Sebastian stood back for a moment to admire Merrill's form in the pale moonlight that shone in through the window over the bed.

The pause was brief, however, as Merrill gave a sultry laugh before dropping onto the bed and lying back on it. She shot Sebastian an expectant look, he could just make out the glint of her eyes and a raised eyebrow in the silvery light, and he returned the look with a wicked grin. He joined her on the bed, running his hands along her body, then his tongue. He relished in the cries he brought forth as he sucked the tip of one tapered ear into his mouth while sliding a hand along her stomach and then between her legs. He slid two fingers inside her slickness and she rolled her hips, grinding against his thumb when it began to work at her clit. His other arm slid around her waist, pulling her back snugly up against his front, trapping his cock between them. The friction upon it as she moved into his fingers was delicious.

He managed to bring her to orgasm twice before she wriggled away, turning over and pushing him down into the bed. Straddling his hips, she took his cock in hand, leaning forward to kiss him before sitting back up and sliding down on him. Sebastian cried out as the tight wet heat surrounded him, and Merrill frantically began to move, lifting herself up and sliding back down. Sebastian grabbed her hips and held on tightly, thrusting himself up into her and soon the wagon was filled with both of their cries. Sebastian came with a final shout and then they both stilled, panting softly as they caught their breath.

Merrill slid off of him and curled up into his side, humming in satisfaction. Sebastian idly thought to himself that the sound might be his favorite one in all of existence, then he smiled at his own foolishness. They cuddled on the small bed for a few moments longer before making themselves get up to clean off and get dressed in their nightclothes. It might not be cool enough to warrant a fire in the stove, but that did not mean that they would relish waking up in the middle of the night naked on top of the blankets. Once they were snugly back in bed, it did not take long for them to fall fast asleep in one another's arms.

All told, it took them a little over two months to make it to the forest. They spent the bulk of their journey heading north on roads that paralleled the coast, not wanting to risk straying too far into the interior while they were still a ways south of their destination. Sticking to the roads also offered them safer traveling, for the most part. Of course, there was the odd group of bandits, and even one of rogue mages, who thought to waylay the pair and relieve them of their belongings, if not their lives. Sebastian and Merrill made quite sure that those foolish individuals did not live to harm anyone else.

They stayed away from the cities and villages when they could. The few rumors they heard regarding the mage rebellions when they did venture near these places were not at all reassuring. Occasionally they would have to stop in one for supplies, but they never spent the night near civilization if it could be helped. Their wagon served them quite well, after all, as did the barriers that Merrill would summon from the land or trees on most nights. Occasionally there wouldn't be anything available to make a barrier from, or they would have seen other travelers too recently before stopping, so they would take turns at watch on those nights. But they were few and far between, and the pair of them were quite glad to be able to actually share the wagon's bed rather than take turns with it, especially as the winter began to set in.

The last city they stopped in was Treviso, and they did spend a few days there, finding an inn that would let them keep their wagon in the stable yard. From there, they struck west, leaving the roads behind for the wild Antivan interior. They skirted around the northern edge of the Drylands and saw hardly a soul as they at last approached the great forest of Arlathan.

They reached the forest early in the day and Merrill slipped down from the wagon's bench to walk ahead. Partly this was so that she could guide the horses to the safest path through the trees, but Sebastian also knew that she wanted to be able to properly _feel_ the forest. The look of awe in her face as she would reach out to touch the occasional tree or glance around the forest reminded him of some of the more reverent visitors he had seen in the Chantry during his tenure there. She seemed to him like the people who first stepped foot in Kirkwall's Chantry after having only ever attended service in the smaller village chapels. The place was familiar, but at the same time it was so much more than anything she had ever experienced. He could hardly blame her for being so taken with what she found. Even he could feel a deep sense of history, of the past, in this place.

After a few days of moving through the forest, they both agreed that they should make up a permanent camp. The wagon, while a very practical shelter, was not ideal for the exploration they wished to pursue. They chose a decent-sized clearing, large enough for the wagon and to give the horses a bit of room to wander and graze. They found several large fallen tree limbs and set them into the ground around the clearing's perimeter. Then Merrill used her barrier spell to call up walls of vines between the poles and the closer trees. The vines were still living and would part at a word from Merrill, allowing them to exit or enter the clearing. They also set up a make-shift water trough for the horses. This all provided them with the ability to leave the wagon and horses unattended without fearing that they would be bothered in their absence.

The camp was close enough to a nearby stream to allow for ease of access without being close enough that they would risk constant harassment from the wolves who visited the water source. The forest was full of wolves, and Sebastian was surprised at how much that delighted Merrill. She had extracted a promise from him after they sighted the first pack to never attack a wolf unless it was actively attacking one of them. He had agreed, albeit reluctantly, but he had known Merrill long enough to accept her reverence for the predators. She had, after all, lived in forests for the majority of her life. He was willing to trust her assertion that the wolves would leave them alone unless provoked or starving. He had to admit that she certainly seemed to be right on that score. He often ran across wolves while hunting, and though they might eye him watchfully until he moved on, not one of them ever made an aggressive move towards him.

They spent the entire winter exploring the forest, sometimes leaving their wagon for days at a time to range through its expanse. It wasn't until spring had finally started to creep through the woods though, that they found the first set of ruins. As expected, the overgrowth was thick, and there was little more than rubble left for them to find. Sebastian thought that the ruins might have once been a temple of some sort. There was a feel in the air that put him in the mind of worship. They spent almost a week coming through what was there, with Merrill diligently describing and sketching every detail in her journal.

Merrill was uncommonly quiet as they made their way back to the campsite from the ruins, but Sebastian did not think much on it. If he had, he likely would have assumed that she was going over everything they had found, trying to puzzle out what every little piece of rock or hint of carving might have been during the height of Arlathan. That night she pulled him wordlessly into bed and made love to him with a level of need that he found surprising. Afterwards, as they lay together curled up in bed, he stroked a finger along her cheek and realized with a start that she was crying.

"Merrill? Love, what's wrong?"

"I'll really never be able to go back, will I?"

"Back?" Sebastian sat up, shifting on the bed so that he was leaning against the back wall of the wagon. He pulled Merrill into his lap, wrapping his arms tightly around her. "Go back where, my love? To the Dalish?"

He felt Merrill nod against his chest and then her body began to shake as she started to sob. Sebastian's mind was a frenzy of thoughts and worries, but he kept quiet, unsure of what she needed to hear. He rocked her slowly in his arms as she cried, cautiously reaching up to wipe the tears from her face as the fell. She cried for a very long time but finally began to subside, the sobs turning into wet sniffles. Sebastian offered her a corner of the sheet to dry her eyes and nose.

"Talk to me?" He asked ever so softly.

"We spent all of that time at the ruins, and I wrote down and drew every single detail," she began in a halting voice. "The whole while I was thinking how exciting it would be to share this knowledge with all of the Keepers at the next gathering of clans--" She choked back another sob and Sebastian squeezed her in a tight hug. "But I won't be there, will I?" She whispered.

"Why not?" Sebastian asked with a frown. She made a sound that might have been a snort of amusement.

"Oh, _ma vhenan_. Even if I knew exactly when or where it will be held, they will never welcome me among them. I can hardly lie about what happened to my clan, even if _wanted_ to. I am not a Keeper, and I walked away from my duties as First. It doesn't matter that I believed I was acting in the best interests of my people. They will only see that I abandoned my duties to live among the shemlen. Even if another clan did decide to accept me, to let me take up the duties again under a new Keeper, I would always be watched, and never trusted or believed."

"Do...do you _want_ to join another clan?" He tried to keep the hesitation from his voice, but it was hard to hide his fear at what her answer might be.

"Of course not," she shook her head and he managed not to sigh in relief. "It would mean leaving you, and I do not want that at all."

"Then I'm not sure I understand."

"Neither am I," she sighed. She glanced up at him, her wide eyes still wet around the edges and shimmering in the pale light from the window. "It is just that I have always thought I have known what it meant to be Dalish. Never have I doubted my dedication to my people. But it all just sort of hit me today that no matter how strongly I believe that I am still one of the people, I can never actually live among them again. They would never allow it, not unless I give up what means more to me than anything else in the world." She clutched his arm tightly. "To the rest of the people, I am _not_ Dalish anymore. I'm not even truly an elf."

"Love," Sebastian slid a finger under her chin, tipping it back up to hold her eyes. "You will always be Dalish, no matter what the rest of your people say or think. That is the foundation of your past, it is woven into every aspect of your life, every decision you have ever made and ever will. I have never met a woman less afraid to be herself. For all of the years I have known you, you've never let anyone else get away with trying to tell you who _you_ are. I don't see why you should start now." He offered her a warm smile and kissed her gently on the lips. She gave him a small wobbly smile in return.

"You made the decision to leave Starkhaven, to not be a prince anymore."

"I did," Sebastian answered, slightly thrown by the apparent change in subject.

"Do you still consider yourself a son of Starkhaven, then? Do you still mean to act in the best interest of her people?"

"Ah," he smiled at her. "Of course. I can admit to a few selfish reasons for walking away from the responsibility, but at the heart of it was my desire to do what was best for my people. I will always be of Starkhaven, there is no changing that. I may not call it home anymore, but it is where I am from, and I will always believe her people to be my own."

Merrill nodded thoughtfully, then leaned her head against his chest with a sigh.

" _I_ still believe that I am Dalish," she said firmly after a while. "Even if I am without a clan, even if I choose to spend the rest of my life with a human, that will not change."

"No, love, it won't," Sebastian agreed warmly.

"Okay then," Merrill said. "Okay then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully Merrill's barrier spell makes sense. I know I'm kind of making magic up here, but it seems like a natural extension of her skills with nature magic.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merrill finally finds true acceptance for the path she has chosen to walk. With a little bit of help from Sebastian and another new friend, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I am realizing I am really inconsistent with what elvish words I italicize and what I don't. I am really sorry about that. I think I am taking it into the context of which words might have made their way into the common vernacular of the humans after all of this time versus phrases that are mostly just Dalish? Yeah, let's pretend that's what I've been doing.

They stayed close to their camp for over a week after finding the ruins of the temple. A hundred times, Merrill almost told Sebastian that she wanted to leave the forest, to go anywhere else, and a hundred times she held her tongue. Leaving wouldn't change anything. She would still grieve for all that had been lost to her, through her own actions as much as through those of anyone else. In staying, at least she could feel like she was carrying on the work she had accepted when apprenticed to Marethari. Even with the Keeper gone, even without a clan, Merrill could still explore this forest and record what she found here. One day her journals might make their way into the hands of another clan, and that possibility meant it was worth continuing on.

So they returned to their exploration as the spring wore on, and Merrill kept up with documenting everything they saw there. There seemed to be faint traces of an actual road leading away from their first find. A half day's journey north from the ruins of the temple they found another fragment of her people's past. It was only slightly more intact than the temple had been, and from the architecture, Sebastian made the guess that it might be an inn of some sort.

"Perhaps for people journeying to visit the temple?" He wondered aloud. 

"I can't even begin to imagine that," Merrill said with a small smile. "An elvhen inn. What must it have been like, I wonder? What would the other Dalish say today, if I suggested that once we lived in buildings and cities just like the shem do now?"

"But the city elves live in buildings and cities," Sebastian pointed out. "Is it really so foreign a concept?"

"To the Dalish it is," Merrill laughed. "I suppose we forget that once it was the shem who wanted to be like _us_. That the way they live now might have been influenced by what the elves of Arlathan taught them."

"So the city elves might actually be living more like the ancient elves than the Dalish?" Sebastian asked with raised eyebrows. Merrill laughed shortly in reply.

"I wouldn't try suggesting that to any other Dalish you come across _ma vhenan_. Besides, I somehow doubt the ancient elves ever lived in such close quarters as the alienages, or as any of the modern cities. Our reverence for nature hardly appeared out of nowhere, after all. Centering our empire in a forest, even if it wasn't quite so grand as it is now, was not exactly an accident."

"A fair point, my love," Sebastian acknowledged softly.

His eyes sparkled in the faint sunlight that drifted through the trees. She thought he rather enjoyed speculating on the past elves as much as she did. A fierce wave of love washed over her as she watched him turn to sift carefully through another pile of vine-strewn rubble.

To the west of the temple, two days distant, they found yet another set of ruins. The trees here were different than in the rest of the forest. They were younger, for one thing. They had seen that before though, places where the land had probably been kept clear on purpose before Alathan had fallen, and where the forest had encroached after the elves were gone. But in addition to that, the majority of these trees seemed to be fruit-bearing.

"An orchard, perhaps?" Sebastian wondered aloud as he walked around a narrow trunk.

"I suppose if the elves of Arlathan had cities, they must have had farms and orchards as well," Merrill mused.

The actual ruins were not extensive at all. Just a few stone outcroppings, the remnants of an outbuilding or two. They documented what they found and noted the site on the map they had been making of the forest. None of the trees seemed to have any fruit ready for picking at the moment, but it would be worth checking again later in the season. They had just agreed to start back for their camp when something miraculous happened.

Merrill was packing her journals and pen case carefully into her sack when she heard Sebastian softly call her name. She looked up at him and saw that he had gone very, very still, his blue eyes wide, staring at something behind her. She wondered if he had seen some sort of danger, but the look on his face was one of awe, not wariness. Ever so slowly, Merrill turned to look over her shoulder at what had caught Sebastian's attention. What she saw took her breath away.

Halla, a dozen of them, at least, had emerged from the edge of the older growth and were slowly making their way through the fruit trees. Most of them seemed oblivious to Merrill and Sebastian, but a few noticed them, pausing to watch them warily before continuing on their way. Merrill stood and turned completely, watching them pass. From the corner of her eye she noted Sebastian remaining in his crouch, nothing moving but his eyes as he watched the creatures walk by them. Their white coats glistened softly when they walked through patches of sunlight. Merrill's eyes drifted to their horns, not a one of which had been carved. These halla had never followed any clan of Dalish. Wild halla were almost unheard of in this day and age. Humans tended to prize them for hunting due to their rarity and rumors about the properties of their horns, and those that traveled with the Dalish were more or less domesticated.

As they streamed by, she realized she had underestimated their numbers. The herd consisted of more halla than she had ever seen in one place before, and she watched them pass with wonder. She realized that tears were streaming from the corners of her eyes and wiped them away with a rueful smile. It had been so long since she had seen one of these creatures, so long since her people had been forced to abandon their herd. Finding them here, in this place of all places, brought an almost overwhelming sense of peace to her. A piece of her that she hadn't even realized had been missing seemed suddenly restored.

"They are so beautiful," Sebastian whispered behind her. "I had heard, but I've never _seen_ one..." He trailed off and she heard only the faintest rustle as he stood and moved to stand beside her.

They watched the herd pass by, most of them ignoring the pair. Merrill knew she was wearing the most ridiculous smile on her face, but Sebastian did not comment on it. He just offered her a soft smile of his own and slipped his fingers through hers as they stood there. At the tail end of the group, one of the younger halla paused, noticing them. After only a slight hesitation, he turned and wandered over to where they stood, cautiously sniffing at Merrill's outstretched hand.

"Hello, _da'len_ ," she said quietly. The halla let her stroke his nose for a few moments before turning to rejoin his herd. After a few steps he stopped again and turned back to look at them, then at the other halla, then back again. Merrill gave a delighted little laugh. "Of course we'll join you, _da'len_!" She said. "Thank you so much for the invitation!"

Sebastian's eyes widened in surprise but he did not object as Merrill picked up her pack and followed behind the herd. He hastily grabbed his own and moved up to walk beside her.

"Where are we going?" He asked quietly. She was glad to hear no concern in his voice, just curiosity.

"I have no idea," she answered with amusement. "But if the halla like it, I suspect it will be lovely."

The halla moved through the former orchard, eventually stopping in a small meadow near a swift-moving stream. As Merrill had guessed, it was a rather lovely site. Though their young friend clearly wanted Merrill and Sebastian to join the herd, the pair settled down a small distance away from the bulk of the creatures. They agreed to camp in the meadow for the evening and begin their trek back to the wagon the next morning. Merrill basked in the tranquility that she felt at the creatures' proximity. Even Sebastian seemed affected by their presence. When the young halla saw that they were staying, he wandered back to his herd for a bit, apparently content, returning to their little camp as the sun began to set.

"Is it usual for a halla to take to someone like this?" Sebastian asked quietly as the halla settled down next to Merrill, staring into the fire with curiosity.

"It has been known to happen," Merrill admitted, stroking the halla's back lightly. "Though usually only among those who spend most of their time around the clan's herd. Those elves the halla take to usually end up becoming their minders. They are believed to be favored of Ghilan'nain, and lucky to travel with."

"Ghilan'nain?" Sebastian sounded the name out slowly. "That is one of your Creators?"

"Mmhmm," Merrill said, looking down at the halla fondly. "She is the mother of halla." Merrill told him the tale of how Ghilan'nain had become the first halla.

"You know, if _I_ were Dalish," Sebastian said after a time, a small smile playing across his face, "I would take your young friend's interest as a sign that your Creators, at least, still very much consider you to be one of their people."

"Oh? That might mean more if you actually believed in the Creators," she teased. Merrill shook her head at the suggestion, but a warmth suffused her at the thought.

"I believe that you believe," he said simply, reaching out to squeeze her hand. "That is enough for me. We must all have faith in something, after all, or what else is left to guide us?"

Merrill had no answer for that. Instead she scooted closer to him on the log they were using for a seat. She leaned her head on his shoulder and he wrapped the edge of his cloak around her, leaning over to kiss the top of her head. They sat together staring at the fire for a long while before eventually making up a bed and settling down to sleep. The halla roused and nudged Merrill one last time, clearly wanting his nose scratched, before returning to the rest of the herd.

When they woke in the morning, the herd had moved on. Merrill and Sebastian notated the meadow on their map. Then they made a hasty breakfast and turned back for their camp. They did not speak much as they made their way through the forest. Both were lost in thoughts of their encounter the previous day.  As much as Merrill enjoyed living amongst the trees once more, and as much as she enjoyed Sebastian's company, she could admit that she had been feeling rather lonely since they arrived in the forest. Perhaps it was just that she had spent too long in the cities and grown used to always being surrounded by other people. At least part of it, she knew, was that being in the forest stirred up memories of living with her clan. It also brought the harsh reminder that her clan was no more. But finding the halla had eased that loneliness considerably. For all that she had teased Sebastian for his suggestion the night before, in a way, it _did_ feel like a sign that the Dalish ways were not lost to her.

They took an easy pace, being in no particular hurry to get back to their wagon. The horses had been left with plenty of water, and their enclosure offered plenty of grazing to them. She was surprised at how easily Sebastian had taken to such traveling. Something about being here in the forest seemed to put Sebastian at ease. He seemed comfortable here, as if the weight of his past could not touch him while he was sheltered by the trees. She had noticed the same thing to some extent when they had traveled through the Planasene, but the effect was far greater here in the Arlathan. She supposed it was because he no longer had to worry about whether or not he would retake Starkhaven's throne. But she could admit that a small part of her hoped that she had some role in easing his cares as well.

Though they were in no hurry, they did not stop for a midday meal. They ate as they walked and only stopped when night began to fall. Merrill had just finished setting up water to boil over the fire for tea when they heard the snapping of branches that signaled someone--or something--approaching. Sebastian was instantly alert, reaching for his bow and stringing it with a practiced ease. Merrill started to reach for her staff but then stopped, tilting her head to one side in thought.

"Anything that meant us harm would have been far quieter, don't you think?" She whispered.

"Perhaps," Sebastian answered, his eyes moving constantly around their small camp, trying to find the source of the sounds. "Or perhaps it just doesn't know we're here."

The sounds had stopped, Merrill realized. But no one or nothing had appeared. Sebastian stood with an arrow ready, turning a careful circle ready to strike should a threat materialize. Merrill placed a palm on the ground where she knelt, sending a small, questing tendril of magic through it. A slow smile crossed her face at what it told her.

" _Ma vhenan_ , lower your bow," she called softly.

"Merrill?" The request was enough to draw his attention away from the trees around them. He looked at her, perplexed, but when he saw her smile he did as she said. He clearly wanted to ask for an explanation, but she did not think one would be necessary.

"It's alright," Merrill said a bit louder, looking at a spot a few yards away. "You can come out now. It's safe, I promise."

As she watched the spot, the gleam of two eyes appeared from the trees, followed quickly by a white head and a still-growing set of horns. Merrill's smile widened as the young halla stepped into their camp and walked toward her.

"Maker's breath!" Sebastian whispered. "Did he track us all day?" He slid the arrow back into his quiver and set his bow down, watching Merrill stroke the halla's nose.

"He must have," she laughed. "Though only the Creators know why!"

"He likes you," Sebastian said, amusement overcoming his surprise. "Maker knows there aren't many places _I_ wouldn't follow you, love."

Merrill just shook her head and laughed again. The halla walked around their camp, investigating their bags and blankets, then he settled down near Merrill, watching as she turned back to preparing their tea. Sebastian's assertion seemed to be correct. The halla stayed quite near to Merrill and watched her closely when she was moving around. He was still there in the morning when they woke and seemed inclined to continue traveling with them as they made their way back to their wagon.

"Well?" Sebastian asked expectantly when they stopped for the second night.

" _Lethallin_?"

"What are you going to call our new friend?"

"I cannot name him!" Merrill's eyes went very round at the suggestion. Sebastian blinked in confusion as Merrill glanced at the halla, hoping he had not taken offense at the question. Sebastian meant well, she knew, but there were so many things he still did not understand. She heaved a sigh and shook her head. When Sebastian continued to look at her, waiting for an explanation, she told him, "The halla are the children of Ghilan'nain, _ma vhenan_. To presume to name one would be--" She waved her hands in front of her trying to find a word strong enough. Fortunately, Sebastian seemed to understand, or to at least accept.

"Ah, I see. I should have taken into account how sacred they are to you. Forgive me, love." He then turned to the halla, who was watching him with wide eyes, and inclined his head in its direction. "My apologies to you as well, friend. I did not mean to offend." The halla blinked ponderously and then dipped its head slightly, as if in acknowledgement. Sebastian's lips turned up in a small smile.

When they returned to the wagon, Merrill was quite curious to see if the halla would enter the enclosure she and Sebastian had built. He sniffed curiously at the wall of vines, appearing from the outside as just a dense undergrowth of bramble, and then looked expectantly at her. She smiled and called to the plants, causing them to part to allow them inside. The horses whinnied in greeting, strolling over to welcome them back. The halla stepped cautiously in behind them and began to walk around the camp, investigating it. Merrill hesitantly let the wall close behind him, but he did not seem to notice. He gave the horses a wide berth while he explored, but eventually he joined them at the trough.

"He's so _easy_ here," Sebastian observed with no small amount of surprise. "How does he _know_ that we mean him no harm?"

"Oh, halla are excellent judges of people," Merrill said with a smile. "He never would have let us see him, otherwise. None of them would."

"Oh?" Sebastian tilted his head and Merrill nodded.

"Indeed. I remember once when I was very small, before I was sent to Marethari's clan, a trader came to our camp. He claimed to be Dalish, separated from his own clan during a winter storm. He had the vallaslin, and he was dressed in the Dalish manner. He knew the language. But the halla were uneasy whenever he came near them, and it made our Keeper suspicious. Rightly so. It turned out he was the leader of a gang of bandits that preyed on Dalish. He would go in alone and earn our trust, then after a night or two, he would kill the night watch and his people would rob the camp blind while everyone else slept. We would never have realized it had the halla not alerted us."

"Are they magic, do you think?" Sebastian mused.

"They're no more magic than mabari," Merrill snorted. "But they _are_ intelligent. People just don't realize it because they prefer to travel with my people, who afford them great respect, or they keep to themselves."

"I can't blame them for that," Sebastian sighed.

After breakfast the next morning, the halla nudged Merrill gently on the shoulder and then walked over to the wall where they had entered the camp. He stood there calmly, looking back at her expectantly.

"Oh, is it time for you to go already?" Merrill felt a pang of sadness at that. But she understood. "I suppose you want to get back to your herd now, hmm?" She strode to the wall and willed the vines to part. The halla allowed her to stroke his nose one last time. "Well, thank you for traveling with us, my friend. You know where we are now, and you are welcome here any time you feel like visiting. Please be careful, _da'len_."

She bowed deeply to the halla and he dipped his head slightly in return before leaving the camp. Merrill watched him go until he had disappeared into the shadows of the trees before she willed the vines to close once more.

They stayed close to their camp again after the encounter with the halla. Sebastian thought she was hoping he would return and did not want to miss him, she knew. That was part of it, Merrill could admit. But more than that, the encounter had settled a restlessness inside of her. Certainly the immediate calming effects of the halla were gone once he was, but he had left her with a lasting inner peace and she was quite grateful for it. For the time being, she was content just to _be_. Sebastian seemed to notice the change as well.

"I wish we could stay in this forest forever," he sighed as they readied themselves for bed one night not long after the halla's departure. "You are so happy here now." He cupped her face in his hands and leaned down to kiss her. "I wish you to always be this happy."

"That seems like an unreasonable wish, _ma vhenan_ ," she answered, pulling back with a soft smile. "I've never met anyone who is always happy." She stretched up on her toes to kiss him again.

"Maybe so," Sebastian agreed, stepping away and sitting on a bench to pull off his boots. "But that doesn't mean I cannot wish it. Or that I will not do my part to try to make that wish come true.

"Oh?" Merrill threw him an impish smile and shimmied out of her clothing. "Well in that case, I have a few suggestions for how you can start."

Sebastian laughed heartily and hurried to shed the rest of his clothing as well. He reached across the small space and grabbed her hand, tugging her into his lap. Her cry of surprise turned into a moan of pleasure as he sucked the tip of one of her ears into his mouth. He released it and traced the edge of her ear with his tongue before pausing to whisper into it.

"Do tell, love."

She shivered at the sultry tone of his voice. Deciding that actions would speak louder than words, she turned and captured his mouth with hers, sliding her tongue between his lips. One of her hands sunk into his hair in a firm grip, while the other skated lightly along his chest. Sebastian moaned against her mouth, his hands sliding down to her waist and pulling her closely to him.

Their tongues dueled briefly before they broke away from each other, and Sebastian bit down lightly on Merrill's exposed neck. She cried out and moved her hands, skating them over his arms and the planes of his chest, whisper light touches that had him shivering in delight. His hands moved up again, cupping her breasts, clever fingers moving to tug and tweak at her nipples. Bolts of pleasure shot through her, fueling the heat that pooled between her legs and she was the one to moan.

She moved a hand down slowly, reaching for his cock, already hard and jutting insistently into her thigh. She circled her fingers around it, moving them along his length. Sebastian's head fell back against the wall of the wagon and he looked at her with intent eyes. That impish smile that Merrill had come to associate with very pleasant things for herself flashed across his face. One of his hands trailed down her stomach, moving between her legs. He began working his fingers inside of her, thrusting and twisting them until she gave voice to her pleasure.

They were both panting, and each seemed to have run out of patience in the same moment. Sebastian's fingers slipped free and he grasped her waist again, lifting her up enough so that she could straddle him. Merrill slid down on his cock, taking him inside of her eagerly. Sebastian planted his feet firmly on the wagon's floor and thrust his hips up, pushing even deeper into Merrill. She gave a shout and settled her knees on the bench, bracing her hands against the wall to either side of his head so that she could move against him. They rocked together slowly at first, impatience gone as their thoughts focused on drawing out the pleasure. Sebastian's hands wandered, working at Merrill's breasts, tracing her ears, rubbing at her clit, slowly ramping her up to an almost overwhelming orgasm. Just as she spilled over the edge, she placed a palm flat on his chest. As she shouted out her release, she willed a small shock of electricity. Sebastian gave a loud cry pulled at her hips, slamming their bodies together. Once, twice, three times and then all was still.

"Oh yes, _ma vhenan_ ," Merrill whispered into his hear after she had recovered her breath. "You certainly are good at keeping me happy."

Sebastian's only response was a low chuckle as his arms slid around her to pull her tight against his chest.

As Merill had hoped, the young halla that had taken to her did return to their camp eventually. Usually he would turn up early in the day after about a week or so of being away and spend the night in their enclosure before making his way off again. He seemed intrigued by the home they had made for themselves. He befriended the horses easily enough, and they willingly made room in the little lean-two that had been built for them when he would spend the night. Though the halla was clearly there for Merrill, he expressed quite a bit of interest in Sebastian as well, once spending an entire afternoon watching as Sebastian carefully worked on fletching a new quiver of arrows.

As spring gave way to summer, the heat of the season made bearable by the shade the great forest's trees provided, Sebastian and Merrill had fallen into a fairly idyllic routine. They had ceased their explorations, satisfied that they had mapped out their little corner of the forest well enough. They had reached an unspoken agreement that after they left they _would_ return one day, and they would begin exploring a new portion of the forest. For now, though, they were content with what they had found already.

One morning, they had left their camp to hunt, when Merrill was surprised to stumble into the halla.

"You're early by two whole days!" She exclaimed as she rushed to his side, giving his neck a hug in greeting. "Sebastian will be glad to see you, _da'len_! Shall we go find him?" They had split up to increase their chances. The halla shook itself, moving his head and snorting in an agitated fashion. Merrill stepped back in surprise. "What is wrong, my friend?"

The halla pawed at the ground and glanced behind its shoulder. It started to turn, then stopped and looked at Merrill, then made to turn again. A deep disquiet filled Merrill as she realized that the halla was indicating the direction in which Sebastian had last been moving.

"Lead on," she said somberly, hurrying to follow as the halla realized she had understood his meaning and turned to move quickly through the forest.

Thankfully they did not have far to go, though every step seemed to take an eternity as fear built up inside of Merrill. Clearly something had happened to Sebastian. Would she be able to stop it? What if the halla hadn't been coming to find them? Would she have ever known something was wrong until after it was far too late? Was she too late even now? They made their way to one of the streams that crisscrossed the forest and over the pounding of her heart, Merrill became aware of a voice ahead of her. It sounded angry, and it most definitely did not sound like Sebastian. She gripped her staff firmly in her hand, face setting into a determined expression as she and the halla pushed through a clutch of trees. Merrill stopped short at the sight in front of her.

Sebastian was on the ground on his knees. A Dalish elf stood over him, holding a wicked looking blade to Sebastian's throat. Sebastian's blue eyes were wide, though Merrill did not think he looked scared. No, he looked frustrated, if anything. Likely he had been caught off his guard. His bow lay on the ground nearby, within his reach. Clearly he had dropped it of his own volition. A quick glance around the clearing they were in revealed to Merrill that three more Dalish hunters stood nearby, arrows nocked in their own bows and aimed at Sebastian.

_Not even Sebastian is a match for a team of trained Dalish hunters_ , Merrill thought to herself. From the look on his face, however, it didn't seem that he agreed. She silently thanked the Creators that at least he was not foolish enough to fight back without a clear opening. Once, not too long ago, she knew he would have barreled ahead in trying to fight his way out of such a situation. Thankfully, he had come a long way since then. Still, she realized, it would be best to intervene quickly, lest he let his pride get the better of him. Before she could say anything, the halla gave a loud snort, drawing the attention of everyone to the newcomers.

"What is going on here?" Merrill demanded, striding forward without hesitation to stand beside Sebastian.

"What's this?" The elf with the knife looked at her with wide-eyed surprise. "You're Dalish! You _know_ this shem?" His eyes narrowed in suspicion. "You _brought_ him here? To this, the most sacred of places for our people!"

"Release him," Merrill said softly but firmly. She planted her staff deliberately, making sure to call it to the other elves' attention. "If you wish answers to your questions, you'll not get them until you've done so."

Sebastian's assailant was clearly torn. He did not like this new development one bit. Merrill found she did not care. If he refused to remove his knife, it would be the last thing he ever did. He must have seen it in her face for he made a sour expression and took a step back. He did not sheath his knife, holding it by his side instead. But it was a start. His companions looked at each other and then at their leader before dropping their bows. Merrill kept her eyes on the elf in front of her as she leaned down to help Sebastian to his feet.

"There now," she said, her usual pleasant tone returning. "That's much better, isn't it? I'm Merrill, this is Sebastian, and you are?"

"Andaras," the elf in front of her grunted out. Merrill flicked her eyes to his companions but Andaras' frown deepened. "You don't need to know their names."

"If you say so." Merrill quipped. Beside her Sebastian was still and silent, for which she was quite grateful. He understood that there was very little he could say here that would not make their situation worse. "Now," she began lightly, "do you mind telling me why you attacked my companion."

"He's a _shem_! I don't need a reason!" Andaras seethed with anger.

"Well, that seems rather silly." Andaras blinked at her, unsure of what to make of the switch from cold wrath to her current friendly demeanor. "It's a rather large forest, you could have easily avoided him. Why go out of your way to kill someone? There's plenty of room for all of us."

"You're not here with a clan..." Andaras seemed to have decided to just ignore her attempts at pacifying him. She hid her sigh easily enough. It was a rather familiar reaction by now. His eyes narrowed in suspicion. "You're here _with_ him."

"I don't see how that's any of your concern," Merrill answered lightly. Sebastian had stiffened beside her and she reached out to take his hand with hers, squeezing it in warning.

"You're not Dalish at all then," Andaras said in disgust. Merrill drew in a sharp breath, surprised at how much the assertion hurt, as expected as it had been. Sebastian's eyes glinted and he opened his mouth as if to reply to Andaras. Merrill squeezed his hand again, trying to stop him. Just then the halla interrupted the scene, snorting again and moving up to nose over Sebastian's chest. Merrill smiled when she realized he was checking to see if Sebastian was alright.

Andaras' eyes widened and she heard a shocked gasp from one of the other elves.

"What is this?" Andaras demanded. "His horns aren't carved! He's not a clan halla!"

"No," Merrill said softly, reaching up to stroke the animal's neck. "He's wild. There's a whole herd that roams the forest. This one likes to visit us sometimes."

"I've never heard of a wild halla doing such a thing," one of the other elves whispered in awe.

"Andaras," another said, "only Ghilan'nain's favor could cause such a thing. We should not interfere with these two."

Andaras narrowed his eyes, clearly displeased with the situation.

"Someone with Ghilan'nain's favor, and with the favor of the halla, would be welcomed by Keeper--" the second elf began.

"Not when she's a shem lover!" Andaras cut his companion off. He spat on the ground, only just missing Merrill's toes. Sebastian frowned but she squeezed his hand again. The halla moved to stand on his other side. Andaras flicked his eyes to Merrill's staff, narrowing them again as he noticed the ring on her hand. "Did you actually _marry_ him? What kind of elf _are_ you?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Merrill said with a sigh. Sebastian blinked. "Of course I didn't marry him, as he's never asked me to." She shook her head, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. Beside her, Sebastian's mouth fell open and he blinked again. "But that has nothing to do with what kind of elf I am," Merrill continued. "Think what you want. I'm just as Dalish as you are, even if I no longer have a clan to call my own."

"You could come with us," the second elf said again, stepping forward and ignoring the scowl Andaras shot at him. "I'm sure the Keeper would accept you, and your...friend."

Now Merrill was the one left blinking. Sebastian inhaled deeply and his eyes slid shut.

"I thank you," Merrill answered after a moment, touched at the offer. "I truly do. But I suspect most would feel as your friend here does. I think we are better off on our own for now."

"It's time we were away," Andaras snapped. "We've wasted too much of the day on this nonsense." He gestured and the other elves gathered up, the friendly one shooting a disappointed look at the halla and at Merrill. Andaras glanced back as they began to leave, pausing to say, "We will not harm you or your companion, but I make no promises for the rest of the clan. It would be wise not to let him wander the forest alone any longer."

With that, they were gone, melting away into the trees as if they had never been there. Sebastian turned to Merrill, an unreadable look in his eyes.

"That was...unsettling," he said after a moment. Then, softly, "Are you alright, love?"

Merrill tilted her head in thought, moving to stroke the halla's neck again. As much as Andaras' words had hurt, the sting had only been temporary. She had been genuinely moved by the other's offer for her to join them. She knew that his understanding would likely be rare in the clan though, and she was not willing to give Sebastian up. Nor was she willing to subject him to the kind of animosity he would have to endure if they did try to make a life with a clan. No, she felt oddly at peace with what had happened. Perhaps it was the calming effect of the halla, she thought with a little laugh.

"You know, I think I really am, _ma vhenan_. I am mostly just glad you were not hurt, and that they didn't force you to hurt them."

He nodded thoughtfully and extended a hand to her. She took it gladly and they turned to go. They made something of a circuitous trek back to the camp. She realized Sebastian was worried Andaras might have set one of his companions to follow them. She didn't think he would have bothered but it didn't seem a point worth arguing. Though their hunting had been a bust, the snares Merrill had set before they set out had yielded a few small rabbits, so they managed to eat well that night. Sebastian seemed preoccupied as they sat by the fire after dinner.

"Merrill..."

"Hmmm?"

"When Andaras asked you if we were married, you said the idea was ridiculous."

"I didn't say that." She blinked. "Did I say that? Creators, that's not what I meant."

"It's not?"

"Of course not, _ma vhenan_. I just meant it was a ridiculous question. Goodness! Is that what's been bothering you?" Sebastian gave a sheepish nod. "I didn't think you wanted to get married. You've never brought it up. I don't see how it matters one way or the other, really."

"I suppose it is only something that matters to humans." Sebastian sighed. He bit his lip, hesitating for a moment, and then asked, "But _is_ it something you would consider? Marrying me, I mean?"

Merrill offered him a warm smile and scooted closer to him on the log. She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Of course, _ma vhenan_. Sebastian, all I want is to spend the rest of my days with you, wherever we may be for them." He released an audible sigh of relief and her smile widened. She squeezed him in a brief hug. "Of course, it's rather a silly thing to be worried about here in the middle of the forest."

"I suppose you're right about that love," he answered, dropping a kiss on her forehead.

Sebastian didn't bring the matter up again, and it rather slipped Merrill's mind as the summer wore on. Still, she wasn't surprised when Sebastian brought up the idea of leaving the forest as the seasons began to change again.

"The cooler weather will be ideal for traveling," he told her.

"We'd have to winter in one of the cities," Merrill said, her argument only half-hearted.

"Plenty of time to grow restless enough to return here or move on again," Sebastian countered with a smile.

"True enough," she agreed. After a moment's thought, she added, "There is one thing I'd like to do before we leave."

Merrill explained to Sebastian that she wanted to try to find Andaras' clan. He was skeptical at first, but once she explained why he agreed to help her locate them. Of course, this was far easier said than done, of course. She suspected that it was only chance that had let them to come across Sebastian in the first place. Likely they would intend to make their way as deep into the forest as they could before setting up any substantial settlement. Still, by backtracking to where they had encountered Andaras, she and Sebastian were able to pick up a bit of a trail. The clan was moving slowly enough that it only took them a few days to find the camp.

"Are you certain you want to do this, love?" Sebastian whispered as they watched the camp's patrol from hiding.

"Not really, _ma vhenan_ ," she answered steadily. "But I am certain that I _need_ to do it."

Sebastian nodded in understanding. When the patrol crossed their paths again, Sebastian tossed a handful of rocks at a nearby bush. Then he slipped off in that direction, less stealthily than he normally would have, leaving Merrill behind to wait for the guards to investigate the sounds. As soon as they were gone, she carefully darted out and set a small wrapped parcel atop a large boulder near the camp's edge. It should be in plain sight when the patrol returned from checking out Sebastian's distraction. With the parcel deposited, she slipped away through the woods, making for the meeting spot she had pre-arranged with Sebastian.

"Do you know?" She mused later as she and Sebastian made their way back to their own camp. "That was rather fun. I like being sneaky."

"You weren't the one who had to mislead _and_ avoid a pair of Dalish guards, love," Sebastian reminded her with a teasing smile. He stole a quick kiss and then laughed. "I am glad you enjoyed yourself though. Do you think they'll appreciate your gift?"

"I hope so," Merrill sighed. "But it is out of my hands, either way. I've done what I could to preserve my clan's memory, and to share the knowledge of what we've found here."

Shortly after arriving in the forest, Merrill had realized that her first journal was a messy jumble of Dalish lore, the history of her clan, and her own personal entries. While it was certainly meaningful to her, she did not think it would serve as the kind of legacy she had intended to set down for her people. So she had spent much of the winter filling her blank journal with a neater account of her clan's history and the less personal details of her own, adding the information they had gathered in the forest as their visit went on. It was this journal that she had left for the clan, hoping that they would benefit from her knowledge. At the very least, they would be able to share the fate of her clan at the next gathering.

Once that was accomplished, they began their final plans and preparations for the journey away from the forest. They debated for a while about whether to tear down their enclosure, but eventually agreed to leave it in place, with the lean-to and trough still set up. It was a way of affirming their intent to return someday. Soon enough, everything was in place and all that was left was to make a final goodbye. When the halla next visited them, he did not seem surprised to find the wagon outside of the enclosure.

"We're leaving the forest, _da'len_ ," Merrill told him as Sebastian began to harness the horses. It was early enough in the day that they could make a decent start. "Not forever," she explained, "but likely for a very long time. You do not have to come with us to the edge of the forest, but we would welcome your company."

As they had both hoped, the halla did accompany them out of the forest. Merrill was sad to part ways with him, but she knew that even if he was willing to follow, he would be dreadfully unhappy in the human cities.

"You've been a good friend to us both," Sebastian told the halla solemnly as they parted ways. He made a small bow to the beast, who inclined his own head in return. "I thank you and hope that we may one day meet again."

"Take care of yourself," Merrill whispered, stroking his nose one last time.

The halla inclined his head to her as well and then turned back into the forest. She and Sebastian watched for a while after he had disappeared.

"I'm sorry he cannot come with us," Sebastian said, giving her a quick kiss as they settled themselves on the wagon's bench.

"I am too. But it is for the best. He would not be happy out of the forest."

"Will you?"

"As long as I am with you," she said with a smile. She reached over to take his arm and Sebastian spurred the horses forward, leading them out of the forest and back into the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclosure: I am pretty much just making it up as I go with the halla. As far as I know I haven't contradicted any stated lore but if I have, I beg your forgiveness for the artistic license. Information about Ghilan'nain came from the Dragon Age wiki. 
> 
> As far as the naming (or not naming as the case may be) of the halla. My thought is that even if the clans named their halla (which I kind of thing they did but can't remember off the top of my head), Merrill wouldn't consider herself suitable for being the person to name them since she was never responsible for tending to them. Add to that, these are *wild* halla, which in her mind are extra sacred, I think. I feel like she maybe sees naming them, Ghilan'nain's children who have chosen to stay apart from the elves, would be akin to trying to name someone else's baby. If that makes any sense at all. Anyhoo.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Out of the woods once more and things in Thedas have grown dire while Merrill and Sebastian were away. But, lo and behold, a wild Isabela appears. She just might have the solution they are looking for.

During their time in the Arlathan, they had meandered a bit north from where they had originally entered the forest. But they had taken that into account when they began to plan their trip back to civilization, and so they first made for Brynnlaw. After so long in the woods, there were certain supplies that they were running low on or completely out of that they could only purchase in a city. They had only intended to go through the city and make a visit to the market on their way east, but an unseasonal thunderstorm resulted in them deciding to stay in Brynnlaw for a few days before resuming their trek. 

"I have to admit," Merrill sighed as she slipped into the room they had rented for their stay, "it _is_ rather nice to be able to have a proper bath again. I do believe you've spoiled me for wilderness living."

"I can't imagine you ever deciding to live in a city for good, love," Sebastian said seriously. He pulled her to him when she dropped down on the bed and wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"Hmm," Merrill hummed. "No, I don't suppose I would. They have their good points, certainly. But there's something to be said for the freedom of the woods." She hummed to herself again and Sebastian turned his head to kiss her neck, tightening his arms around her briefly. "Does that bother you?" Merrill asked after a few moments, the lightness in her voice disappearing.

"Of course not!" Sebastian pulled back a little, surprised at the question. "I would rather spend the rest of my life in the woods than spend any more of it without you." Merrill relaxed a bit in his arms and he smiled at the flush that appeared at the tips of her ears. "Besides," he said softly, kissing her on the neck again. "I _like_ the woods." Another kiss, a little higher up, followed by another, just below her ear.

"Oh," Merrill breathed, shuddering as he reached out the tip of his tongue to trace the shell of her ear. "That's good then."

"Mmm," Sebastian agreed, turning her around in his arms so he could capture her mouth in a kiss.

She sighed happily and returned the kiss, sliding her arms around his neck. He gently guided her down onto the bed, continuing to kiss her as his fingers toyed with the knot at the waist of the robe she had donned after her bath. He undid the sash and pushed the robe open, making a pleased sound when her bare skin was revealed. Merrill inhaled sharply as the cool air of the room touched her body, but Sebastian only grinned and ran his hands over her, quickly warming her up once more.

He worked his way down her body, stopping at her breasts to knead and tweak at one, taking the other in his mouth, sucking her nipple and swirling his tongue around it, then switching hands and mouth. She began to moan softly and once he had her writhing, he grinned against her skin as he continued his downward journey. He tasted every bit of skin he could reach, skipping down to her inner thighs after he passed her navel, working his way back up between her legs. He grasped her thighs lightly, spreading her legs apart, before lightly running his tongue along the outer lips of her sex.

Merrill cried out sharply, half in pleasure, half in anticipation. He could feel her hips straining up, offering herself to him, but he pressed firmly on her legs, keeping her flat against the bed. Taking his time, he worked his tongue inside of her, lapping up her slick, relishing in the taste of her. Sebastian pulled back, moving his tongue to the sensitive bundle of nerves at her core, circling it, laving it with the flat of his tongue, leaning in to suck on it, causing Merrill to cry out again, arching her back off the bed. He worked his tongue inside of her again, thrusting it in and out, savoring the noises this pulled from her. He buried his face in between her legs, pushing at her clit with his nose, bringing her higher and higher until she was screaming out his name and shuddering apart around him. He pulled back after a moment, and looked up to meet her eyes with a grin. She was breathing heavily and licked her lips hungrily as she stared at him. She reached down and pushed his hair back from his face, caressing his cheek after tucking a loose strand behind his ear. She held his gaze the entire time, finally blinking and offering him a slow smile that made his already pounding heart race even faster.

Merrill crooked a finger, beckoning, and Sebastian quickly stood, shedding his clothing. He returned to the bed and moved up her body, letting her pull him down for a kiss. She traced his mouth with her tongue, taking in the taste of herself on his lips and tongue, humming happily to herself as she did so. One hand snaked down his chest and circled around his cock, hard and throbbing. She tugged lightly, guiding him between her legs, and he eagerly slid home inside of her. She hissed slightly at the contact, still sensitive from his recent attentions, but she grinned at him, nodding for him to continue. Sebastian realized he was not going to last long, not with the way she was looking at him, so intently, so hungrily. He hooked his arms underneath her legs, pushing them back, almost bending her in half. Merrill laughed in delighted surprise, the sound turning to a moan of appreciation as he pulled almost completely out of her, only to slam back in to the hilt. He pounded into her, both of them crying out at the sensations, and before long his own orgasm ripped through his body.

Feeling utterly wrung-out, he slid his arms free of Merill's legs and collapsed next to her, chuckling softly in answer to her own quiet laugh of satisfaction. She rolled over to face him, leaning in to kiss him again and then snuggling up into his side. They lay there for a long while, cuddling and listening to the storm outside. The glass in the window frame rattled from the force of it, but the steady sound of the rain lulled rather than startled. Eventually, Sebastian roused enough to throw on his own bath robe. He fetched a wash cloth and some water from the basin and cleaned Merrill gently, realizing she was already half-asleep. He managed to get her tucked underneath the covers and then slipped out of the room to go looking for a bath of his own.

When the storm finally finished passing through the city, thankfully moving north, Sebastian and Merrill set out from Brynnlaw. Their destination was Ayesleigh, and their plan was to try to find a ship that would agree to carry their wagon and horses to wherever they decided to head next. They still hadn't completely settled on that part, thinking that they would first find out where they could find available passage to before making a final decision. Sebastian had pondered selling the wagon and horses, of course, but by now Merrill was more than just mildly attached to them, and even he was reluctant to part ways. Besides, what was the likelihood they could find a similar wagon wherever they ended up? It would be costly, certainly, but they had the coin, especially if Goran had made good on his promise of an annual allowance. It was just a matter of finding a ship's captain willing to give up that much cargo space, really.

They were more than a little surprised to find the road between Brynnlaw and Ayesleigh very highly traveled. It was rare that they found a suitable campsite each evening that was not already occupied. Thankfully, most people were willing to share, taking comfort in the safety of numbers. Their fellow travelers claimed that these were perilous times of upheaval throughout Thedas. Sebastian and Merrill did not see a single group of bandits to support that claim, but they _did_ see many patrols of Templars. He was shocked to learn that the Templar Order had broken away from the Chantry completely, and that the Seekers were out in full force. At first he was inclined to write it off as a rumor, but eventually they had heard it from enough people, with little variation, that Sebastian was forced to accept it as truth.

It was worrying, to say the least. Even Merrill began to grow more cautious the farther south they went. She not only left her staff in the wagon at all times, she had gone so far as to carefully conceal it so that it was unlikely to be found even if they were stopped and searched. As it turned out, Merrill being recognized as a mage was not their only concern, however. When they were about halfway to Ayesleigh, they shared their camp one evening with a bard. Not the Orlesian kind, but rather the kind who actually did travel Thedas telling stories and performing for coin and room. He was amiable enough throughout the evening, but when they parted ways the next morning, he going north and they going south, he pulled Sebastian aside as Merrill was readying the horses.

"You seem a friendly enough sort," he said, shooting an assessing gaze between the pair of them, "and not likely to hurt anyone who's not trying to hurt you. You were kind enough to share your fire and your food with me last night, and I think it's only fair I give you something in return."

"That's really not necessary," Sebastian tried to object. But the man waved his hands to interrupt.

"You should know that the Seekers aren't just trying to find the mage they think was responsible for that whole mess in Kirkwall," the man said quietly. Sebastian went very still. The man noticed and nodded, continuing to say, "There's a whole group of people wanted for questioning, y'see. A white-haired elf, a Rivaini pirate, this Champion people keep going on about. Like I said, a whole group. Wanted for questioning about the whole mess, from the sound of it. Guess the Seekers think they know something about that business."

"I see..." Sebastian nodded slowly.

"I've heard them ask about a Dalish elf too, a mage, they say. Also, a young man from Starkhaven. I've heard some say he's a priest, others a prince. Of course, everyone agrees he'll be wearing shiny white armor, maybe leading an army to Starkhaven." He glanced back at Merrill. "Haven't heard _anything_ though suggesting those particular two might be traveling together though. Just...thought that information might be of use to you."

Sebastian relaxed the tiniest of fractions. If no one was looking for them _together_ then they would be less recognizable. It was a small blessing. He was suddenly overwhelmingly grateful that he had sold his armor so long ago, and that Merrill had given up her Dalish garb. There would be no hiding her vallaslin, but if they could avoid drawing attention to themselves, they would not be immediately recognized for two of Hawke's former companions. He could add to the cover by using a different accent again, and maybe he could darken his hair once more.

"Thank you," Sebastian said earnestly. The bard nodded thoughtfully.

"Like I said, you seem like decent sorts. As far as I've seen, it's only the Seekers looking for anyone specific. Your average Templars just seem to be trying to round up any mages they can find." He strolled over to Merrill and offered her a hand. "Thank you kindly for sharing your fire, dear," he told her. "I'll be going on my way now. Safe travels to you both." He offered Sebastian one last nod of acknowledgement and set off for the road. Sebastian stared after him for a few long moments, pondering what he'd said.

By the time they reached Ayesleigh, they were both quite grateful for the bard's warning. They'd come across two groups of Templars led by Seekers and managed to hide from one and convince the other that they were peddlers headed for the coast to stock up before moving south to the Green Dales.

"I thought I was ready to be away from the forest for a while," Merrill mused as they parted ways with that second patrol. "But now I feel desperate to get back to it. I feel so _exposed_ out here. Maybe we should just turn around."

"I've thought about it," Sebastian admitted, "but we'll reach Ayesleigh tomorrow. The roads are much too dangerous for us right now, I fear. I think our safest course will be to hire a ship as quickly as we can." He frowned in thought, then added, "Preferably one bound for Ferelden, I think."

" _Ma vhenan_?"

"From everything we've heard, it is the safest place for mages of any stripe right now, love. And that is where you grew up, isn't it? You know those woods. I think that will give us an advantage."

Merrill nodded slowly, seeing the sense in his words. They reached the city late the next day and rented a room at an inn near the docks. They retired for the evening, intent on finding a ship bound for Ferelden the very next day, whether it would take their wagon and horses as well or not.

They were up with the sun, intending to speak with the harbormaster to see if he could point them toward a likely ship. A few vendors were already out, selling fresh pastries and meat pies to the workers on their way to the docks. They paused at one to grab a bite, having skipped breakfast in their eagerness to find passage south. Merrill was nibbling on a fruit cake and staring out over the water while Sebastian paid the vendor when a familiar voice rang out behind them.

" _Kitten?!?!_ "

Sebastian heard a soft exclamation from Merrill as he turned around, muttering an oath when he realized that Merrill seemed to have disappeared. If he hadn't recognized the voice or the pet name for Merrill, he would likely have panicked at that. As it was, he still had to struggle to keep himself calm as he quickly scanned the area, breathing a short sigh of relief when he spied movement in a nearby alley. He strode quickly to it, relaxing further when he heard Merrill's warm but bemused tone.

"Hello, Isabela. Goodness, do you really want to talk here? It's so dreary in this alley. Also, sticky. I think I might have stepped in something." She glanced down at her foot with a frown of distaste.

"That's the _point_." Isabela huffed in exasperation. "No one else will come this way. Merrill, what are you doing here? Where have you been? Don't you know it's not sa--" She noticed Sebastian's approach and stiffened. Her hand moved deftly to the top of her boot, where he was sure she had a knife cached, while at the same time she stepped slightly in front of Merrill. "This is no concern of yours, serah. Move along."

"I am afraid that I must beg to differ there, Isabela," Sebastian said, keeping his voice low but not bothering to hide his natural accent.

"Andraste's ass!" Isabela's eyes went almost comically round as she recognized him. Merrill peeked around the other woman's shoulder and smiled at Sebastian.

"Oh, there you are! Look, Isabela's here too!"

"So I see," Sebastian answered, returning her grin.

"You two. Are traveling together." Isabela had stepped back so that she was no longer shielding Merrill, and her eyes flicked back and forth between the two of them. She was clearly taken aback by this information. For the first time since their run-in with the Seekers, Sebastian felt like laughing.

"We are," he agreed amiably.

"How have you been, Isabela?" Merrill asked, completely oblivious to her friend's shock. "Are you still traveling with--"

Isabela placed her hand on Merrill's shoulder and shook her head briefly, cutting Merrill off. She shot a sharp look at Sebastian, and he belatedly remembered that Isabela had been the one to take Anders away from Kirkwall. The urge to laugh died within him. Although, surprisingly enough, the thought of Anders did not bring forth the rage and surging need for retribution that it once had. Instead, he felt an overwhelming wave of deep regret. So much could have gone differently if he had only...his eyes moved to Merrill and the regret faded away. No. The past was done with, there was no point in dwelling on what might have been. He would not give up what he had now for anything.

"Not here," Isabela spoke up. She was eyeing Sebastian speculatively. "Come with me." She turned and led the way out of the alley, heading away from the docks. Shooting a grin back over her shoulder at Merrill, she added, "I know somewhere much more comfortable where we can catch up."

Merrill glanced at Sebastian and he nodded, knowing that Isabela was right. It was not safe for them to speak openly about what any of them had been up to since Kirkwall. He suspected that if they played their cards right, this might prove to be a stroke of luck for them after all. He offered Merrill his hand and she took it, twining her fingers through his. They turned to follow Isabela and Sebastian did not bother to contain his smirk when Isabela's noticed their linked hands, her eyes widening again.

_Maker help me_ , he thought with a silent laugh. _This might even be_ fun.

She led them to a tavern and paused at the bar long enough to order a round of drinks be sent up to "the private dining room." Sebastian tried to protest the earliness of the hour but Isabela only rolled her eyes and added a pot of tea and some bread and cheese to her order. Then she beckoned them up a narrow but well-lit staircase that opened into a surprisingly wide hall. She seemed to know exactly where she was going, passing several doors before pushing one open and gesturing them inside.

It was a cozy room with a fire already burning away at the fireplace. Isabela took a brand from a basket on the mantle and held it in the fire for a moment, then moved around the room lighting the sconces hanging on the walls. She shook her head at Merrill with a murmured "bad idea, Kitten," when Merrill moved to help her light them. Merrill bit her lip but nodded in agreement and moved over to take a seat at the table. Once the room's lights were dealt with, Isabela stepped over to the large window and pulled a pair of heavy drapes shut across it. Then she settled into a chair across from Merrill.

She didn't say anything, and seemed to be waiting for something, so Sebastian did not bother to sit. Instead, he leaned against the wall behind Merrill's seat, arms crossed. He and Isabela sized each other up carefully while Merrill hummed to herself, once more failing to notice the tension. Before long there was a knock at the door and since he was the only one not seated, Sebastian answered it, accepting the tray from the serving girl. He passed her a coin with murmured thanks, being sure to revert to the Orlesian accent he had adopted while they were on the road. After she was gone, he set the tray on the table and returned to the door, shutting and locking it behind himself before he settled down next to Merrill.

"Well," Isabela huffed, one eyebrow raised as she poured herself a glass of liquor. "At least you're smart enough to disguise yourself a little. She offered them the liquor and both declined, opting for tea instead. Isabela shrugged and sat back in her chair, taking a long drink from her glass. She eyed Sebastian appreciatively, a sly grin appearing on her face as she relaxed a bit. "I suppose that's why you got rid of that ridiculous armor as well. Leathers suit you, sweet thing."

Sebastian cocked an eyebrow at Isabela. He had almost forgotten how much she delighted in making every conversation suggestive. From the corner of his eye he noticed Merrill's own eyes narrow slightly. He realized with some amusement that she was _jealous_. That was new. He reached under the table and gave her knee a reassuring squeeze. She glanced at him with a soft smile and relaxed again.

"Maker's flaming balls!" Isabela burst out. "You have got to be rutting kidding me! The two of you cannot seriously be sleeping together!"

"Oh." Merrill blinked. "Is it that obvious then?"

The tips of her ears had gone red, but she seemed otherwise unruffled. Isabela just stared, her jaw hanging open briefly. Sebastian tried to mask a laugh with a cough.

"How did that even _happen_?"

"Oh! Well, it was after we had left Starkhaven," Merrill began, sitting forward eagerly. "Sebastian was--"

"Merrill!" Now it was Sebastian who flushed with embarrassment. His whole face felt aflame. Maker! She would tell Isabela the entire story if given the chance, wouldn't she? Isabela shot him a knowing look, realizing the same thing. Fortunately, she seemed to have been distracted by what Merrill had already said.

"You were in Starkhaven? Together?"

"We ran into one another while leaving Kirkwall," Sebastian said softly. "It seemed safer to travel together than alone, and Merrill agreed to accompany me to Starkhaven."

"So you _did_ go to reclaim the throne then?" Sebastian nodded. It had more or less been his intention. "But you clearly _didn't_ ," she observed.

"After Sebastian spoke with his cousin he decided he didn't want to be prince," Merrill chirped.

"Oh?" Isabela's eyes flicked between them again and she shot Sebastian a knowing look. "Did you, now?"

Sebastian cleared his throat.

"We spent several days in the city before I went to speak with Goran," Sebastian elaborated. "It was clear from that time that he is doing an admirable job of ruling. Once I had spoken with him myself, I was convinced that throwing Starkhaven into upheaval by trying to retake the throne was in no one's best interests."

"Hmm." Isabela made a noncommittal noise. "I'm sure the citizens of Kirkwall will be relieved to hear that, since it means there will be no Starkhaven army coming to wipe them out."

Sebastian winced but did not say anything. He was a bit surprised when Merrill spoke up in his defense.

"That's hardly fair, Isabela! What Anders did was wrong. I heard you say as much."

"I'm not saying it wasn't," Isabela said tersely. "But that doesn't mean the rest of Kirkwall deserved to pay. I think there was more than enough bloodshed that day, don't you?"

"I was hurt and angry, Isabela," Sebastian said tiredly. "I spoke from that pain. Surely you've made rash statements in the heat of the moment that you've later regretted?"

"The question is, _do_ you regret it?"

"Of course I do!"

"Are you still hurt and angry? Still seeking justice?"

"I am still hurt, yes," Sebastian said. "But the anger has long since faded." He knew the truth of that statement as soon as the words left his mouth. "I can't change what happened. I'm not foolish enough to think otherwise."

"I don't know where Anders is." She stared at Sebastian with a hard expression.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Merrill glanced between them with concern and confusion. After a moment, understanding dawned. "You think Sebastian wants to find Anders and kill him? Isabela! He wouldn't!"

"Wouldn't he? He hunted down the mercenaries that killed his family, after all," Isabela said softly. Her gaze did not waver from Sebastian's.

"Anders deserves to pay for his crimes." Sebastian leaned forward, not breaking eye contact. "But I do not have the authority to make him do so, and I no longer claim the right. Killing him will not bring back Elthina. She would not have wanted me to take such an action for her sake, in any case."

Isabela's eyes narrowed, searching his face. There was a long, tense silence, and Merrill watched the pair of them warily. Eventually, Isabela nodded slowly and then sat back in her chair. She tossed back the rest of her drink and then reached for the bottle to pour another.

"Right then. Now that we've got that settled." She offered Merrill a conciliatory smile and the tension seemed to drain out of the room. "What in the bloody void are you two doing in such a big city? Are you mad? Don't you know the Seekers are looking for you?"

"They're looking for you, too, aren't they?" Merrill pointed out. "But you're here."

"Kitten, I have a _ship_. Those Seekers couldn't catch me if their lives depended upon it. Besides, I'm not nearly as interesting a catch as either of you." Her grin belied her words, indicating that she knew she was plenty interesting enough.

"Oh! We're looking for a ship!"

"One would presume that's why you were headed to the docks," Isabela drawled. She arched an eyebrow, waiting.

"We thought to make for Ferelden," Sebastian elaborated. "Given Merrill's familiarity with the Brecilian Forest..."

"Hmm. Yes, I suppose you could easily enough get yourselves lost in there." She nodded thoughtfully. "It will take most of the day to gather my crew up," she mused. "The earliest we could set sail would be tomorrow morning. To Denerim, I think. That would give you the quickest access to the forest."

"Oh! Are you sailing to Ferelden, then?" Merrill asked in surprise. Sebastian managed to hide his smile but Isabela didn't bother. It spread warmly across her face as she looked fondly at Merrill.

"I am now, Kitten."

"Thank you, Isabela," Sebastian said earnestly. She just waved her hand dismissively.

"Does this mean we don't have to sell the horses?" Merrill asked Sebastian hopefully.

"Horses?" Isabela gave Merrill a puzzled look.

Sebastian briefly explained about the wagon and their team of horses. Isabela tapped a finger against her lips, thinking it over. Sebastian couldn't help but smile at the way she seemed to melt when Merrill turned her hopeful gaze on Isabela. The pirate sighed and crinkled up her nose. "We can probably make it work. My hold should be big enough, and it's already been cleared of the goods we arrived here with. It means I won't be taking on any other cargo though. Just as well, I suppose, since we're leaving so quickly. Maker's balls, but I hate live cargo."

"We can sell them if you really don't want--" Isabela waved her hand again, cutting Merrill off.

"Oh don't worry about it Kitten. You don't have to sell your horses."

"Well that's good then! They're almost like family by now. Thank you Isabela." She beamed at the other woman, who smiled in return. Merrill bit her lip and then glanced around. "Um, Isabela. Do you happen to know where the, erm," she stood up and leaned across the table to whisper the rest of her question in Isabela's ear.

"Down the hall to your left," Isabela answered with a low chuckle. "Third door."

"Thank you!"

Merrill leaned down to kiss Sebastian's cheek, squeezing his shoulder briefly. Then she unlocked the door and hastily made her way down the hall. He stared after her, a fond smile on his face. He had almost forgotten Isabela's presence until she spoke up.

"I like you, Sebastian. Maker only knows why, but I do, and getting laid appears to have done wonders for your personality." He raised an eyebrow at her but she just barreled ahead, her eyes glinting and her tone deadly. "But you had better damn well know what you're doing. Because if you hurt that girl, I _will_ slit your throat and throw you to the bottom of the ocean without a moment's hesitation."

Sebastian couldn't help it, he laughed. It wasn't that he didn't believe her. He had no doubt at all that her threat was sincere. It was the very thought of hurting Merrill that was laughable to him.

"If I do," he told her sincerely, "I'll hand you the blade." Isabela blinked and then narrowed her eyes, trying to determine if he was serious. "Actually," Sebastian said after a moment, his grin returning, "I was rather hoping you would agree to marry us."

"What?!" Isabela sat back in her chair so quickly she almost knocked it over.

"You are, after all, a ship's captain," Sebastian pointed out.

"You want to marry Merrill?" He nodded. "Does she want the same thing?"

"I have not asked her formally," he admitted, spreading his hands. "But we have discussed the matter. I believe she does. Will you do us the honor on our journey to Denerim, if she agrees?"

"I will want to talk to her first," Isabela said slowly. "To make sure she really does want that."

"Of course," Sebastian said. Just then the door creaked open and Merrill returned. She glanced between them, and Sebastian offered her a warm smile. "Just in time, love. I've asked Isabela if she would marry us, assuming you're still willing to have me, of course."

"Oh!" Merrill clapped her hands together in delight. "Can she do that?" She turned rounded eyes on Isabela. "Can you do that?"

"A ship's captain does possess that authority," Isabela drawled.

"How wonderful!" Merrill exclaimed. "Oh, yes!" She moved to Sebastian and plopped down in his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him. "I think that is a marvelous idea!"

"Hmm," was the only reply Isabela made. She seemed bemused by the sudden show of affection. "Well. I think it would be safest if the two of you stayed on my ship tonight. I haven't heard of any Seekers in the city, but you never know who might recognize you. Sebastian, why don't you go arrange to have your horses and wagons brought to the _Siren's Call II_. Merrill can come with me while I begin making preparations to leave tomorrow. Horses. Maker, I'll have to make sure there's plenty of feed..."

"I can take care of that," Sebastian said softly, hugging Merrill tightly before she slid off of his lap, allowing him to stand up.

Isabela clearly wanted to speak with Merrill alone. He might as well give them plenty of time. She was being overprotective of Merrill, he knew, but he couldn't really blame her. If Merrill could convince her that they really were happy together, Isabela would be a good ally to have in making sure to keep Merrill safe. Isabela gave him a nod and an understanding smile which he returned. He kissed Merrill lightly and made his farewells, promising to meet up with them later on Isabela's ship.

Isabela's expression was far too satisfied and knowing for Sebastian's comfort when the three dined together that night. He suspected she had managed to wheedle all of the details of their love life out of Merrill while he had been away. Still, he couldn't be too upset, because she also announced that she would marry them once they had left Ayesleigh. Whatever Merrill had told her had been enough to convince Isabela that their relationship was true.

"It certainly sounds like the two of you have had a fun time frolicking in the woods," Isabela told them with a grin. "Varric will be both appalled and thrilled when I get the chance to tell him."

"I'm sure," Sebastian smirked, remembering the dwarf's protectiveness of Merrill and borderline dislike of himself. "Do you see him often?"

"Only twice since we all left Kirkwall," Isabela said with a sigh. "He and Man-Hands stayed in the city, you know, and they managed to mostly keep it from imploding completely. But that means the Seekers are watching them pretty closely. Arranging to see either one of them is rather tricky. But he will be glad to know you're safe and well, Kitten," she said fondly to Merrill. "I know he was worried the last time I saw him."

That led to a conversation about where, exactly, Isabela had traveled since they parted ways. Sebastian only listened with half an ear. He was content just to watch Merrill's happiness from being able to catch up with her friend again. Despite the dangers they had faced, still faced really, since leaving the Arlathan, he was glad they had done it. They might be just fine on their own most of the time, but it was good for them to reconnect like this too. Eventually, his attention was drawn back into the conversation when Isabela mentioned that she'd have to pay her crew extra for this trip. They were grumbling about the shortened shore leave.

"Not to mention there isn't any cargo for them to have a share of the profit from," she sighed.

"We will compensate you," Sebastian promised, sitting up straighter. "Goran did not leave me without any means. I will pay you for our passage, and for what you and your crew have lost."

"Of course you will, sweet thing," Isabela grinned. "I know you always make good." She reached across the table and patted his hand lightly, resting hers atop it for a moment. Merrill's eyes narrowed again at this and when Isabela noticed she hastily drew back with a laugh. "Sorry, Kitten. I know he's off limits, I promise."

Merrill made a satisfied noise and Sebastian blinked at her, again surprised by this newfound possessiveness. Why in the Maker's name would she feel threatened by Isabela, of all people? He had successfully rebuked her advances for years in Kirkwall, and he didn't believe for one moment that Isabela would make any serious sort of proposition when she knew he was with Merrill. Isabela just laughed again, shaking her head in amusement.

"You have to admit, it is rather unfair of you to keep him all to yourself after he _finally_ gave up on that silly idea of chastity."

"Isabela!" Sebastian didn't know how to react to such a remark. Certainly, if he had run into Isabela now and he and Merrill weren't together, he _might_ have considered...but there was no point in even thinking about it. He was more than content with Merrill. He opened his mouth to say so, but Merrill spoke up before he could.

"I believe you humans have a saying, Isabela," Merrill said archly. She slid her arm through Sebastian's and leaned against him. "All's fair in love."

"And war," Isabela pointed out with a smirk, finishing the idiom. She her hands up in mock surrender with another laugh. "Don't worry, don't worry. I'll behave myself. For your sake, Kitten." Merrill nodded sharply and her grip on Sebastian's arm loosened. He glanced between the two women, wondering if he should bother trying to speak up. This seemed to be something between the two of them. Isabela leaned back in her chair, her expression softening. "You really do love him, don't you?"

"Of course I do."

"I never would have believed it," Isabela said, shaking her head lightly.

"Neither would we, I think," Sebastian said softly, sliding his fingers through Merrill's and bringing her hand up to his lips for a kiss. "Yet here we are. The Maker truly does guide us down extraordinary paths."

"Whatever you say, sweet thing," Isabela said with a roll of her eyes. "Whatever you say."

They set sail for Denerim on the morning tide, and Isabela smiled as she stood at the helm. She told them that the wind was in their favor and they were well south by nightfall. As she had agreed, Isabela married them that evening on the deck of the ship with her first mate standing as witness. The ceremony was simple enough, Isabela opting for the shortest official one she knew of. At Merrill's request, they also exchanged the Dalish vows of bonding. One of the deckhands played a bit of the lute, and he strummed a few tunes for the couple to dance to. The crew members not on duty joined in the dancing, lending it a bit of extra celebration. It was not, perhaps, the wedding either of them would have ever imagined for themselves, but it was exactly the right wedding for them nonetheless.

Afterwards, they shared a drink with Isabela in her cabin before retiring to their own, eager to consummate their new union. The cabin they had been given was not large, but there was room enough for their needs. They undressed each other slowly, not bothering with any candles. Moonbeams streamed into the room through the small porthole, providing more than enough light by which to see.

"I wish we could have had a chance to dance to something more traditional," Sebastian said wistfully, taking her into his arms and leading her around in a small circle. Merrill rested her head on his shoulder and hummed happily.

"We've got all night for dancing, Sebastian," she said in a sly voice. He laughed in response and pulled her in closer. They stood together in the cabin, swaying to silent music. "It's funny," Merrill said after a time.

"What is?"

"I thought I would feel different, being married."

"Oh?"

"Yes. Well. I don't know. Happier, maybe? It's supposed to be a confirmation of our love for each other, yes? That promise that you truly are mine, and that I am yours, but..." She pulled back a little, tilting her head in thought. "I already knew that, _ma vhenan_. I've known it for a long time now."

"Hmm. Yes." He said, steering her toward the bunk in the corner. "But now, everyone else knows it too." He paused, realizing that they were actually supposed to be in hiding. "In theory, at least," he shrugged. The back of Merrill's legs hit the bunk and she sat down on the edge. Sebastian sat next to her and took her hand, kissing the back of it. "Look at it this way, love. For all that we knew how we felt about each other, we never made a promise to stay together. Now, we have."

"There is that," she said with a warm smile.

Merrill leaned over to kiss him and his lips eagerly met hers. Her tongue probed at his lips and he parted them, allowing her to slide inside his mouth. The longer the kiss went on, the hungrier Merrill seemed to become. He found himself being pushed back down on the bed, and he swung his legs up, stretching out along its length. Merrill climbed on top of him, straddling his thighs and leaned down to claim his mouth again.

He had been half hard already when they got to their cabin. The dancing and Merrill's kisses had brought him fully erect, and Merrill seemed very aware of that fact. She sat up and reached down to take hold of his cock. Lifting her hips, she guided him to the right spot and then sank down on him with a heavy, happy sigh. She was wet and warm and tight and _perfect_. For a moment neither of them moved, just reveling in the connection.

Then Merrill began to move, sliding herself almost completely off of him and then dropping back down. His back arched off the bed as she rode him and he cried out as she placed a hand on his chest, sending that light rush of magic ghosting over his body. Briefly, he thought Isabela had been jealous of the wrong one of them, but then coherent thought fled him and he let himself sink into the sensations. He slid his hands up Merrill's body, cupping her breasts, kneading at them, pulling at the nipples. Merrill's head dropped backwards and she moaned at his touch. He let one of his hands move back downward, seeking out that sensitive nub of flesh between her legs. He worked at it lightly at first, gradually increasing the pressure. Merrill's movements became erratic and she cried out as her orgasm rippled through her body. Sebastian felt his muscles tightening in preparation of his own release. Merrill sped up her movements and he gripped her legs tightly, her name on his lips as he came.

They curled up together afterward and fell asleep almost immediately. They dozed for a few hours, waking up to make love again. This time they went slowly, either kissing or whispering promises of forever in each other's ears all the while. When they finished, they lay awake for some time, talking idly of their plans for once they arrived in Ferelden.

"I can think of one thing that might be different now that we're married," Merrill mused, her eyes sliding shut as Sebastian ran his fingers through her hair.

"What's that, love?"

"Maybe we don't need to be so worried about taking precautions," she said hesitantly. He glanced down and saw that she was biting her lip.

"I thought you couldn't imagine yourself with children," he said, his voice warm. He smiled as he thought of creating a family with Merrill.

"Well, I couldn't. Not when we started. Neither one of us really knew what we wanted to do with ourselves. But I think we've mostly figured that out now, haven't we?"

"I suppose we have," he agreed. "Though there are arguments against it still, my love."

"Such as?"

"We're both wanted by the Seekers. On top of which, the Chantry isn't too happy with me for not turning Anders in, and you're an apostate. If either of us is caught...well. It will be much harder to hide with children. They'll be Vaels, which means Goran might view them as a threat to his rule, no matter our understanding. There's also the likelihood that you might pass on your magic."

He sighed as he finished ticking off the reasons. They were just a reminder of how dangerous their life had become. He had no regrets, not any more. But could he really justify bringing a child in to inherit their mess?

"That is quite a few reasons not to have children," Merrill said sadly. He reached down and squeezed her shoulder.

"I'm not trying to argue against it, love," he said softly. "I just want to make sure we both know what the dangers _are_ before we start to consider this."

"But you _do_ want to have children?"

"With you? Yes, Merrill. I very much do."

"Oh, that's good. I think would make _adorable_ children, _ma vhenan_." Merrill giggled, and Sebastian couldn't help but grin in response as he pulled her closer to him underneath the blanket.

"That we would, my love. That we would. Our life might never be risk-free, after all. We can't let that stop us from living it." Merrill nodded against his chest. Then she hugged him tightly and giggled again.

"That's very true." She said, propping herself up on an elbow to look down at him. The moonlight gilded her face and he reached up to trace the lines of her vallaslin. "Besides, by the time we make it to the forest and get a good campsite established, winter will be well upon us. Winters in Ferelden are _cold_. We'll have to do _something_ to stay warm." She leaned down and kissed him, her lips lingering against his.

"Have I told you lately, my dear," he whispered against her lips, "just how much I love the way you think?"

"Mmm. I'm sure you have," she whispered back. "But feel free to tell me again, as many times as you like."

**End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it folks! Thank you so much for reading along! I hope you enjoyed it.

**Author's Note:**

> There is amazing Sebrill art that I commissioned to help keep me motivated on this awesomeness! You can see them here:
> 
> by askbroodyelf: http://askbroodyelf.tumblr.com/post/41614185161/commission-for-yarnandteaisallineed-merrill-and
> 
> by cheesiestart: http://cheesiestart.tumblr.com/post/42908050578/sebastian-merrill-commission-for-cori
> 
> (I would post the actual pictures in the fic but AO3 and I are having a disagreement about that, apparently.)


End file.
